Too Proud to Tinder Date

What do you think about the latest hot topic from the 100 Hour Board? Speak your piece here!

Moderator: Marduk

Post Reply
Concorde
Posts: 135
Joined: Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:09 am

Too Proud to Tinder Date

Post by Concorde »

This is in response to the questioner in http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/84759/.

First of all, BYU sucks in terms of dating. No one dates there, even though it feels like everyone does and everyone is supposed to. I was in your boat: educated, hard working, fun to be around, and marginally cute. Cute enough to not hurt anyone's eyes, I suppose. I was accomplished and outgoing and NEVER got asked out, until the guy I dated my senior year. He was the first person to ask me on a date. Ignore BYU because now, post BYU, I've been on about 50 first dates in the past 4 months, mostly via Tinder, although a decent number have come from old BYU friends, my new ward, work, etc.

Too proud to Tinder date? Please. I am about as proud and haughty as they get, and there is NOTHING wrong with Tinder. I have had a GLORIOUS time on Tinder (for those of you who are friends with me on FB, you'll know this is the case). I have NEVER been pressured to have sex or go too far and for the most part, my dates have treated me very well and all but a slight handful have asked for second dates. Several guys I've been on 7+ dates with. I've learned how to shoot a gun, I've flown in a private plane (twice!), explored a SUPER awesome abandoned mine, had a sip of 300 dollar wine over a 200 meal (I confessed that to my Bishop and he laughed and said "300 dollars? I would have had a whole glass!"), learned how to drive stick in a brand new Rolls Royce, watched like 5 million horror movies...

And you know what I've REALLY learned through it all? It's about being personable and being easy to be around. I learned how to be totally relaxed and comfortable and conversational with literally anyone, even the most awkward/quiet/clueless of people. I've only been on ONE bad date, out of 50, and it wasn't even that bad. It was about the same level as my first date with my ex (who may I remind you, I was once engaged to, so really, not that bad of a date). Don't be so proud! Broaden your horizons! That doesn't mean lower your standards, because I certainly haven't (I have VERY high standards as well). But there's nothing wrong with going on dates with people you might normally not be into. I've just really enjoyed getting to know people, hearing their stories and branching out.

Honestly, forget your accolades, your 35 ACT, violin skills, whatever. Guys certainly are interested in the fact that I'm a college grad with two degrees, a job at Goldman Sachs and an interesting background story, but what really gets their interest is the fact that I'm conversational, put them at ease and make them feel desirable/interesting by asking lots of questions and focusing on them. It's all a game, really. Forget your starting stats, and just keep practicing.

Seriously, Tinder has been so much fun for me, and it's really all about what you make of it. I wish I could quantify my dating techniques a little better (and I can't, because I don't have a lot of time... I've got a date...) because they've really been working for me. I went from thinking I was this unattractive, hideous person who would die alone to literally a date every night (since most of the first dates ask for second, third and fourth dates). I've learned a ton about myself, and I've also learned a surprising amount of skills, and made some valuable connections. Networking and dating.... win-win!
User avatar
Whistler
Posts: 2221
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2007 5:17 pm
Contact:

Re: Too Proud to Tinder Date

Post by Whistler »

yeah, my solution to this problem was to ask guys out, but that's my aggressive personality. Tinder sounds like a great compromise where you can both voice an initial interest without risking a lot.
User avatar
Tally M.
Posts: 868
Joined: Thu Dec 27, 2012 6:05 pm
Location: BYU

Re: Too Proud to Tinder Date

Post by Tally M. »

Whistler wrote:yeah, my solution to this problem was to ask guys out, but that's my aggressive personality. Tinder sounds like a great compromise where you can both voice an initial interest without risking a lot.
Hands down, I've asked out more guys than have asked me out. Half the time it's because I'm interested, and if he was interested, he wouldn't hesitate (much) to ask me like, so I can do the same. The other half is because I literally just needed a date for something
User avatar
Portia
Posts: 5186
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2007 11:06 am
Location: Zion

Re: Too Proud to Tinder Date

Post by Portia »

Thought of this thread when I found this article on an 1886 matrimonial journal serving much the same purpose, with the same sorts of criticisms.
Post Reply