impulsive drinking - 85066

[Portia]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/85066/

So, as someone who has lived experience with drinking, I wanted to jump in here and say that everything in this question seems to illustrate a way of thinking that is going to lead to unhealthy patterns and attitudes towards alcohol, and this is a vicious cycle just waiting to happen.

First, I think anyone who chooses to drink needs to educate themselves. You need to be able to know what a unit of various types of liquor is, what is a safe amount to drink without long-term damage (less than you think: it's probably no more than one unit a day for a woman, and if you are going to go "get drunk" on NYE, please, at least don't do it on an empty stomach and alternate with water!), and have a designated driver/non-repressed safety friend if you're in a party scene.

I have always been a pretty anxious person, and it got worse and worse in my twenties. I look back and am alarmed by some of the assumptions that were there: here I was, in all likelihood self-medicating a mental health condition, and I felt that it had to be a deep, dark secret. And finding a support network, some not from an LDS background, some were, was actually much more instrumental to me not going down what could have been a self-destructive path, and fast, than this idea of external punishment. I think that lying is a bigger integrity problem than not following the Word of Wisdom, frankly.

I think there are issues around this that don't have to do solely with a framework of "sin" and "repentance" (though, to be clear, I 'm not discounting that as a framework if you think that applies to you). I think that finding someone: a counselor? A friend's parent? A doctor? to talk about the reasons you want to drink is important from some of the language you use.

Maybe I have strong opinions on this, because someone I considered one of my closest friends was also raised in a strongly conservative religion and is a full-blown alcoholic. There's a stereotype (maybe especially among Mormons) of the alcoholic in the gutter, someone who has just completely lost control of their life, finances, and hygiene, and though substance abuse is certainly a problem among the homeless population, this guy is a successful, attractive, professional. But I am almost certain that his drinking started as an anxiety thing, and became a self-reinforcing loop where he started living something of a double life, in my opinion ("feel[ing] trapped or constrained as a result").

Why not asked to be released from the calling you don't enjoy anyway and do some soul-searching out of what you DO want in life? That right there sums up What Made Me Happier In Life.

To be clear, I'm not teetotal. I still enjoy wine and beer, and if someone, even Mormon, wants to, that's their choice. But I think the social situation is especially conducive to unhealthy behavior. /rambling

[Marduk]

The church is not aggressive about pursuing and enforcing word of wisdom issues among its membership. It can't be. In many areas in the church, it'd drop the numbers of attendees in half, or worse. Honestly, even someone who continually drinks and is unapologetic about it will likely have their temple recommend taken, and that's about it. (And of course won't get any callings that require recommend-holding levels of adherence.)

I don't know that I agree with you, Portia. I've known quite a few alcoholics. I have quite a few in my family. There's a red flag or two in this question (like the whole "I want to be naughty!" attitude) but I don't see the drinking being a coping mechanism, indications that non-social drinking will occur, any physical compunctions, etc.

Where I do agree with you is that you say the reader ought to actually evaluate what they want and make decisions based on that. Choosing to do something simply because it is contrary to what you've been taught is no way to make decisions.

[Portia]

Where I do agree with you is that you say the reader ought to actually evaluate what they want and make decisions based on that. Choosing to do something simply because it is contrary to what you've been taught is no way to make decisions.

Yes, I think this is the number one reason I'm looking forward to living outside Utah this fall and experiencing something new. There are a lot of things that make life worth living, and it's certainly not a fulfilling worldview.

[TheBlackSheep]

I'd agree with Marduk in that, while there seem to be some red flags in the question, I don't think this person is in immediate threat of developing a drinking problem. They seem to be drinking for fun in a social setting, not to cope with anything.

I agree with you both about actually knowing what you want and why.

I also agree with Portia that education is really important. While I'm not quite as worried about permanent physical harm (there are a lot of factors, and a lot of it is really variable), I know how hazardous entering the drinking scene can be for Mormons, and I've seen a lot of people do it in potentially harmful or dangerous ways. I wish I would have known things like:

- one beer will not make you a raging drunk like you see in the movies.
- you should probably never be a raging drunk like you see in the movies (that isn't fun or normal drunk).
- the difference between beer, wine, liquor, and liqueurs in strength and by their various names. I had to rely on people for a long time for drinks, which made me vulnerable.
- what normal drinking looks like (social, moderate, etc.).
- where to start with drinking (cheap beer is not a good second drink, etc.).
- basic safety, like don't drink alone, you want your first "real" drinking experience to be in a private residence with safe people and probably a sober buddy, be really aware of lowered inhibitions and the consequences and take precautions, how to drink water and eat to avoid being ill, etc.

Luckily I have avoided any really negative consequences of poor drinking decisions made early on because I didn't know better. I stumbled through it alone, though. I hope this person has some guidance.

[Portia]

For some reason, I'm imagining this person as a woman. And women simply process booze differently. There can be social pressure to "keep up with the guys" but if you're a woman who's thin or average weight, especially, drinking with the average dude, you will MOST LIKELY get more intoxicated more quickly. That's always been my experience, anyway.

[Portia]

For example, I just did an online Blood Alcohol Content calculator. For two units of beer (so one large glass) and one unit of wine (one small glass) drunk over two hours these are the results:

135 lb woman: 0.067
180 lb man: 0.034

That's a big difference for the same intake.

[TheBlackSheep]

Oh absolutely. But that's not based on sex so much as weight. People definitely need to be mindful of the fact that smaller people process alcohol differently than larger people (generally) and that they will likely become much more intoxicated than larger people with the same intake.

There are also other factors. I can hold my own, drinking-wise, but my new girlfriend, who drinks about as much and as frequently as I do and weighs a similar amount, can drink me under the table if she wants to.

[Portia]

Yeah, one high point beer or cocktail noticeably affects me, and by the second, it's movie -type intoxication. But I know women and men of a similar body type for whom that wouldn't be true. So I actually have found "social" drinking to he more risky than a nice slow paced beverage alone.

[Cognoscente]

Huh. I'm a big ass man and I can get a little giggly after just one beer. Maybe I'm just naturally silly?

[TheBlackSheep]

Oh I can too, or I can feel literally nothing. It just depends. It also depends on how much I've been drinking lately. Whether I've eaten that day. Whether I'm hydrated. Whether I want to be silly.

[Marduk]

It is almost as if.... alcohol is not the only variable in behavior and attitude, and that our own perceptions of our behavior also color that behavior. Wow!

[Portia]

Maybe it seems like a "no duh" thing, but I had no or bad information on the matter through my young adulthood. My grandparents are heavy drinkers by any objective standard, so it was a bit sensationalized in my home. (Like R rated films in others, perhaps.)

It's like sex education, in a way: knowing the likely effects and safer practices doesn't make you "sinning." If you have to use that deep of thought suppression, you might have deeper problems.

I also don't know what to advise someone who might be around underage drinking at a party, and how to mitigate that legal risk. IANALATINLA

Fun fact, Ken Jennings had to study alcohol academically for Jeopardy!.

[NovemberEast]

I specifically remember my YSA bishop saying the only reason we had to confess anything to him was if it was chastity related, something illegal, if we were participating in "self destructive behavior," or if we weren't feeling very repentant about something we would otherwise handle alone.

Getting drunk on new years isn't exactly illegal depending on the age. Whether or not it's self destructive isn't clear. If her bishop makes a deal about it, it would probably only be based on her attitude of wanting to do it again and maybe not being 100% repentant at the moment.

I had a ton of non-mormon friends and was in a sorority so I knew more than I wanted and it has been helpful despite the fact that I don't drink. But yes, some mormons have zero alcohol knowledge. They often end up making the worst kind of drunks.