mission timing

[larry_wayne]

I'm almost eighteen, I'm a guy, and I'm kind of caught between Luciana and Tally M. on this one.

I think it's incredibly important for young men and women to learn what it's like to live on their own before serving a mission. For most people, I don't think it's a good idea to turn in papers and leave fresh from high school, even if you are old enough. I think it's a much better idea to have at least one semester of college away from home first, because it will help prepare you for the responsibility that a mission entails.

I think the age change was a great idea. My brother would not have done well if he'd gone to school before his mission, but I have all confidence in him that he will succeed when he returns. For women, it helped remove the stigma of going on a mission just because you weren't dating anyone or couldn't get married. Although there is a lot of added pressure to go on missions earlier for both men and women, I think that's starting to dissipate, especially with the counsel given by Church leaders.

(link.)
In my stake/seminary class, I'm surrounded by peers who choose to go as soon as possible, sometimes graduating a semester early just because they can. One young man emphasizes that even though he's won't be 18 until September, he is anxious to serve as soon as he is allowed.
Back in February/March, I went to a local fireside with an LDS inspirational speaker. At one point, he expressed his concern about statistics he'd heard suggesting that only a fraction of "eligible" young men are going out on missions. I didn't know what to think about his comments. Yes, there will be a period of time where I'll be "old enough," but not already out. It might be a year or longer. But... I'm trying to accept that, and to be okay with my reasons. That speaker seemed to think that if an eligible guy wasn't going, it was because he had some sort of "problem."
I've recently told quite a few people that I won't go on my mission right after I graduate from high school this spring, but that I will be at BYU in the fall. The responses I get are hesitant, generally something to the effect of "Oh... I guess that plan could work too, if you really think it makes sense for you." (In other words, people are uncomfortable with the idea that I would actively choose to delay my mission.)
There's plenty of cases where I think it makes perfect sense to wait a little bit. Still, I'm confronted by the attitude that I must have some "worthiness issue," or that my testimony must be lacking, or that I must simply not be working hard enough. I'm fairly certain those aren't my reasons. (Maybe, to avoid these conversations, I shouldn't volunteer my plans to the people around me until they ask. But oh wait, that's what I already do. And they still ask rather probing questions. While I struggle to explain myself.)

If you're a young man, you either need time to adjust to responsibility at school before the mission, or you need time to adjust to hard work on the mission before you have to deal with school?

[Zedability]

Geez, people are so ridiculously judgmental about when people go on a mission. It's one of my pet peeves. I wish everyone would just trust people to pray and make their own decision. I think there are a lot of situations where God knows that a person needs certain experiences before their mission, or knows that the timing of their mission is important. And there are situations where people are best off from leaving as soon as possible. But people making assumptions about it...seriously my least favorite thing.

You do you. You're the one who knows what you need and what will work best for you.

[Whistler]

It is none of their business, but you can take the high ground and try to put them at their ease if you feel sorry for their social blundering. Just say that you honestly felt like you'd make a better missionary after figuring out how to live on your own. I support you in your decision!

[Integrating Editor]

You already know my thoughts on this, but I'll post an answer here just in case someone else in the boardboard world, now or in the future, is in the same spot.

I am pleased to announce that effective immediately all worthy and able young men who have graduated from high school or its equivalent, regardless of where they live, will have the option of being recommended for missionary service beginning at the age of 18, instead of age 19. I am not suggesting that all young men will—or should—serve at this earlier age. Rather, based on individual circumstances as well as upon a determination by priesthood leaders, this option is now available. --President Monson

If you wanted to be judgmental back, you could just tell them that if they're disappointed or concerned about your decision, they're not heeding what the prophet had to say on the matter. You probably shouldn't alienate people like that, but it would probably result in fewer repeat questioners. With so many of the guys around you going at 18, your example of going at the best time for you rather than caving to peer pressure may help pave the way for the boys in your ward who are younger than you. Maybe they won't have to face as much disappointment and awkwardness as you do because people will have seen it work out for you. Small comfort now, I know, but if President Monson's idea that young men don't need to go at 18 is going to catch on in your area, a few people are going to have to buck the trend. Sharing President Monson's wording less pointedly might help if the person showing some concern is someone you're close to, and you could just say that, in your individual circumstances and based on thoughtful deliberations, you think that now isn't the best time for you to serve.

At least in your case, I don't think you need either college or a mission to develop a good work ethic or responsibility. You're doing more than fine in both departments already (far better than some of my roommates who had both some college and missions under their belts). I can see some good reasons for you to wait, but if you did decide to change plans and serve a mission before starting college, I'd be happy to see you do that too. Other people's disappointment or confusion about your lack of conformance to their rigid plan for the "right way" to live is their problem, and it shouldn't end up being yours. You could just become very quiet and answer any question with a shrug every time someone brings the subject up. I don't think anyone would find it too weird, not coming from you. ( For everyone else, I'm saying that it's not terribly likely anyone would think he was avoiding questions about any subject in particular. He's just a very quiet guy.)

[Portia]

My high school crush was and is a conservative Mormon dude, but also an all-around stand-up guy. The type who worked as a volunteer EMT and generally known to be cheerful, and earnest, and just ... nice. (Yeah, we really found true love: I'm sure you can guess.) If I remember right, he had some pretty serious back surgery and didn't go on a mission til after a couple of years at BYU.

I don't think he converted many people in Ireland, but he's an anesthesiologist now with a wife and kid. And STILL he got flak about this situation over which he had no control. That honestly weirds me out.

My brother is also someone I admire immensely, and went on a mission (at 19) when he really ought not to have.

My point is that judgmental people are dumb and not even very good at judging. Individual men can be good people and even "fulfill their duty" and go on a mission, or not, at 18, 20, 25, or whenever is right for them.

I wonder how this has culturally changed since the draft. Wouldn't that have been many young men's coming of age experience for several decades?

[Shrinky Dink]

Honestly, I think the age change encouraged a lot of people to serve missions earlier than they should have because of all the peer pressure. I was almost 21 when they announced it and I was so glad that I already knew I was not going to serve a mission because that seemed to be the main subject of conversation for forever. People are super judgmental, but God isn't. Some people acted extremely disappointed when I explained that I was not working on my mission papers because I was not going on a mission. I received confirmation from God when I was a young teenager that it was ok to not serve and I'm so glad that I did because otherwise I might have given into the peer pressure and guilt and served a mission when it wasn't the right thing for me. You need to do the right thing for you and you and heavenly father are the best judges for determining what that is.

Speaking of judgmental people, I heard a funny joke at work the other day. Everyone knows that Ms Smith is the biggest gossip in the ward. John, parked his car in front of the local bar one night so he could give a friend a ride home. Unfortunately, Ms Smith saw John's distinctive beat up pickup truck and made sure to let everyone know what a bad example John is and how he must be a drunkard and gambler. The stories always got more colorful when Ms Smith told them. John knew that there was nothing he could say that would stop Ms Smith spreading rumors, but he did have another idea, so the next night he parked his truck in front of Ms Smith's house and walked home.

[Genuine Article]

I am pleased to announce that effective immediately all worthy and able young men who have graduated from high school or its equivalent, regardless of where they live, will have the option of being recommended for missionary service beginning at the age of 18, instead of age 19. I am not suggesting that all young men will—or should—serve at this earlier age. Rather, based on individual circumstances as well as upon a determination by priesthood leaders, this option is now available. --President Monson

Oh man, you should print this on a business card and just hand it to all the judgy mcjudgersons you meet.

I remember when they announced the age change I was glad they made sure to mention the need to graduate from high school first, because I knew there'd be some majorly over-zealous members who'd see it as a badge of honor to drop out of school to go on a mission ASAP.

[Zedability]

People are super judgmental, but God isn't.

Quoted for truth.

[larry_wayne]

If President Monson's idea that young men don't need to go at 18 is going to catch on in your area, a few people are going to have to buck the trend.

It's also fun when I try to explain to people who aren't LDS. For example, one of the only things my math teacher knows about me is that I'm Mormon, and one of the only things she knows about Mormons is that their young men serve missions. That meant it was difficult to explain my story when she asked me about my plans. "I'm actually going to BYU next fall." "Oh. Yeah, did you hear about [other Mormon kid in my senior class]? He's going to Japan. By the way, you remember [guy a few years older than me who got baptized soon after he left high school]? He's in the North Las Vegas mission now." Yes, I know. I also hear plenty about the kid in my seminary class that got his call last weekend (San Fernando). It's great to hear everyone else's good news, except that I keep getting it repeated to me whenever I try to share mine, which doesn't fit the mold.

You do you.

Will do.

I support you in your decision!

Thanks. I just hope it really is right for me, when for other, mostly unrelated, reasons I don't feel as connected to revelation/the Spirit as would be ideal.

I remember when they announced the age change I was glad they made sure to mention the need to graduate from high school first, because I knew there'd be some majorly over-zealous members who'd see it as a badge of honor to drop out of school to go on a mission ASAP.

I know a guy who arranged to graduate early just so he could go out (he was fed up with school). moderately upset right now because it's been a 2-3 weeks (!) since he submitted papers and he hasn't heard a single thing from Salt Lake. In some ways, it's become a race to the MTC.

[Amity]

I'm almost eighteen, I'm a guy, and I'm kind of caught between Luciana and Tally M. on this one.

I think it's incredibly important for young men and women to learn what it's like to live on their own before serving a mission. For most people, I don't think it's a good idea to turn in papers and leave fresh from high school, even if you are old enough. I think it's a much better idea to have at least one semester of college away from home first, because it will help prepare you for the responsibility that a mission entails.

I think the age change was a great idea. My brother would not have done well if he'd gone to school before his mission, but I have all confidence in him that he will succeed when he returns. For women, it helped remove the stigma of going on a mission just because you weren't dating anyone or couldn't get married. Although there is a lot of added pressure to go on missions earlier for both men and women, I think that's starting to dissipate, especially with the counsel given by Church leaders.

There's room for both of these statements to be true. For one young man it might be the best thing for him to leave as soon as he finishes high school, for another it might be best for him to wait a year or two, for yet another young man it might be best for him to wait a few years, and for still another it might be best to never go at all. It's so important to do what is right *for you* in this case.

And ditto what other people have said about not liking how people are interpreting the age change to mean that young men SHOULD leave at 18, rather than that it's now an option.

[yayfulness]

I remember everyone speculated at the time that men leaving at 18 and women serving missions would become the socially expected and enforced norm and hoping that didn't happen. It's disappointing (but unfortunately predictable) that that has happened.

I'm just going to echo everyone else and say that every person's situation is unique and "you do you" is the best (and maybe the only) advice that you can give to someone whose situation you don't know intimately.