always give a guy one chance

[yayfulness]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/89108/

When I was a writer, I generally subscribed to the theory that if you don't have a good reason to say no to a first date, you should always say yes.

The longer I spend away from BYU, the more I realize that that attitude is just plain weird. I know that's partly because dating conventions are so different in the world outside of Mormonism and even in the Mormon world outside of the bubble. But still...

Date who you want to date. You don't owe anyone a chance. In fact, barring some sort of relationship, you don't owe anyone anything. Once you've entered a relationship, the equation changes, but as long as you're deciding who to date, you do what's right for you. Full stop.

[Zedability]

I know a professor here who thinks Mormon culture needs something low commitment like going out for a drink (without the alcohol). My understanding is, it's pretty acceptable to meet for drinks for 45 minutes without that implying you want to Date them. And if things are going well you can go grab some dinner and if they're not you can exit gracefully.

Meanwhile, at BYU, accepting a first date often is construed to be a sign of meaningful interest, and a lot of people recognize that the dating world would be easier if you didn't go 0-100 in 60 seconds in terms of commitment. I think that's where the "always say yes to a first date if you don't have a reason to say no" comes in, but it's a very imperfect solution.

[Zedability]

The main flaw being, as you pointed out, you don't owe to someone to go on a first date just because they asked, just like you don't owe it to someone to meet for drinks just because they asked.

[Cognoscente]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/89108/
Date who you want to date. You don't owe anyone a chance. In fact, barring some sort of relationship, you don't owe anyone anything. Once you've entered a relationship, the equation changes, but as long as you're deciding who to date, you do what's right for you. Full stop.

+100 this. Being rejected sucks, and rejecting others sucks, but it's a part of life. Respect people's autonomy.

[Portia]

Entrenched gender roles in Utah County are freaky as hell, guys. In the real world people message, flirt, and express interest in all sorts of ways. I've only recently become comfortable telling strange dudes to buzz off when they tell me to SMILE, so, it's good prep for real life.