Message to 10-years-ago-me

[Emiliana]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/90326/

Dear 20 Year Old Emiliana,

I am hesitant to say too much because I don't want to accidentally disrupt the timeline or cause a paradox by means of my spoilers, but there are a few things I would love for you to know.

The biggest one is that it's going to be okay. I know that sounds cliche, but doesn't it mean a bit more coming from future you than from a rando? (I don't think the kids are saying "rando" yet, actually.) Hold onto that. Please, just hold on, because the next 8 months or so will be hell, and then there will be another few more rounds of hell after that, but I promise there are good times coming as well.

Yes, you will end up getting married. But not to him. And guess what! That's a good thing.

Also, that big giant faith crisis that you've been having. That will turn out okay, too. You won't have the answers, but you will learn to live with the questions a lot better than you thought you could. I'm not going to tell you how that happens, because you need to go through that process on your own to figure out where you need to be, but once again--that, too, will be okay!

I don't know if telling you this right now will help at all, but please try not to feel guilty! That thing that feels so terrible and horrible right now--yes, I know, I know, I know you think it's your fault, but I promise it's not. If you can realize that now maybe some of those rounds of hell won't be quite so hellish. Also, a lot of the other things that you will find to feel guilty about in the next few years....just.....just don't.

You will eventually find a psychiatrist who can prescribe you the right medicine. I can't tell you right now what it is, because that massive depressive episode that you will have at an undisclosed point in the future will indirectly lead you to meeting your husband and I don't want to jeopardize that because he's awesome and totally and completely worth it.

Love,
30-year-old Emiliana