Therapy is dumb.

[Emiliana]

.

[Portia]

Guys, my dad thought I lived in Vermont not Wisconsin and if I ever get a vanity project HBO show, that detail is going in.

Nevertheless, we actually had a valuable heart-to-heart talking about both my garbage love triangle that exploded in Q1 and my aspirations for graduate school. Turns out he hates plumbing, that working for the LDS church is weird, and he wants to make a career change himself.

I appreciated when he said after asking if dude made me happy that it was the wrong question: was I happy with where I was at? And that wanting to get married (do you even want to, Portia? and I was a little too thirsty saying YES) is not the same as wanting the same thing out of marriage as another person.

Anyway, it was nice, because we never really talk after he got remarried. (When I was in "Vermont." #notallcheeseproducingstates)

(Also hope the self-medication works for the both of you. Talking to my dad who's pushing 50, it sort of makes me wonder if anyone has anything figured out, heh.)

[Katya]

Things have been really really really really bad for weeks and weeks inside of my head. I finally have a psychiatrist appointment this week as well as an appointment with a possible therapist, but I probably won't stick with that therapist. Therapist shopping is the absolute worst.

However, pot and nicotine? They will pull me through this depression/PTSD/anxiety episode in spite of myself. At least until Wednesday.

[TheBlackSheep]

This morning, with a new therapist, for the first time in the history of TBS Seeks MH Treatment, I was not brushed off. I have a problem with being authentic (what? me?) and so MH professionals usually don't respond to what I say in the way that they seem to respond to other people. It very nearly resulted in a psych hold and did result in a safety plan (infantilizing blehhhhh) and a bunch of upcoming appointments, but it made me feel like there is a slight slllliiiiiiiiiight chance that maybe I can be different and things could poooooooooossibly improve, which this morning I would have told you there was no chance of. So.

[TheBlackSheep]

Let's talk about the state of mental health care in Nevada.

So far, in this round of TBS Seeks Mental Health Care:

1. I have gotten an emergency appointment with a psychiatrist so I made sure was an MD. I showed up and the MD was not in the building. They asked me to see the APRN. I said I would wait for the MD. They said I could see the APRN or not be seen at all. I really needed to be seen so I saw the APRN. She did nothing to my cocktail except add Zoloft. I've tried Zoloft before (multiple times) with no success. She did it anyway. My meds are not working AT ALL. (I have nothing against APRNs, or intern therapists. But I have been in therapy and seen psychiatrists for 10 years without success so I'm over anybody but the most qualified person in the office. I need answers, now.)

2. My therapist, during my first visit, became alarmed at how suicidal I am. She brought in the clinical director. They referred me to a different psychiatrist than my own for a psych eval. When I went to the psych eval, the doctor was not in the office. She left on a family emergency. My (emergency) therapy appointment was on a Tuesday. The (emergency) eval could not be scheduled before Friday. Because the doctor cancelled, I had nothing, nada, over the weekend, despite how suicidal I've been.

3. When I went back on Monday, all the psychiatrist did was give me a med review. She was very confused when I said I was there for a psych eval due to extreme suicidal ideation. She explained why the APRN added Zoloft and didn't touch my meds. She scheduled me again, four weeks out. FOUR WEEKS.

4. Today I was panicking. My mental health has been exceedingly poor for months, with very bad suicidal ideation since January-ish. My life is starting to fray. I can't hold it together and I am so tired. I called a friend of my girlfriend's who works for my insurance company and asked about residential treatment for depression (I'm desperate... I have never been in any kind of inpatient treatment before). She said that there are no residential programs for adults in or near Las Vegas. She also said that the inpatient programs are hard to get into because they are so full of homeless people who are malingering, and that the inpatient programs often do not separate wards based on types of disorder, meaning that the affective/anxiety patients are mixed in with the psychotic patients.

5. My gf's friend also told me to call a certain person and schedule an emergency therapy appointment with someone else in my therapist's office since my therapist only works M-W. I did. She told me to go in today at 4. I did. There was no appointment for me on the books. Luckily (?) someone hadn't shown up for their four o'clock so I was seen, but I was seen by a therapist who had no idea she would be seeing someone for a crisis visit today.

6. At said visit, the therapist said I could be admitted if I wanted to be. She said I was bad enough off (which is really bad... they are very stringent here about who gets in because of the lack of beds). She said that inpatient treatment here is so bad, though, that I needed to ask whether I really wanted to go. She said it would perhaps be more traumatic to go than not to go, what with the state of treatment, my deductible, and other factors. She was a good therapist and I certainly felt less panicky when I left her office, but I left her office with just two book recommendations and a referral to see the doctor I was originally supposed to have an appointment with back in #1.

Is life for people like me just cycling through automatic thought records and SSRIs over and over and over, trying to get someone to believe that for us they just don't work? All the while not being able to access any kind of reasonable care anyway? I mean, geez, what is someone like me supposed to do?

[Zedability]

Wow...just...wow. That just sounds Kafkaesque. It's like the system itself is gaslighting you. That sucks. I'm sorry. I wish I knew what to say or how to help.

Is it possible to look out of state? California might have other resources?

[Whistler]

. that's the worst. I feel like Western medicine is at a loss when medications don't work.