Therapy is dumb.

[Portia]

This is exactly how I feel with therapists. Nothing is more annoying than "Hm. Yes. You're dealing with some hard things."

I may think about taking Divya's advice, but unlike students, I don't really have any free time, and I seem to be coping with life a lot better.

[Portia]

Someone convince me to go see someone. I'll probably keep self-medicating with limited success if I don't. I told my boyfriend the symptoms I'm concerned about and he seemed to think that I shouldn't stigmatize myself, I guess?

That, or to snap out of it. The past two months have been such a textbook exercise in my issues. But since I'm intelligent I'm high-functioning professionally so I feel zero motivation to change.

I also don't want to risk a relationship with a therapist because it could end in rejection

(I hope you're at least mildly amused at that last sentence, TBS. BUT IT'S SO TRUE.)

[mic0]

I also don't want to risk a relationship with a therapist because it could end in rejection.

I didn't visit my therapist at the university's counseling center after summer because I felt like he should contact me first. :/ Relationships are hard. Anyway, I finally have been going again and, you know, if nothing else, it is nice to have someone to talk to about weird psychology things (that are related to me, of course, but just talking theory is actually really helpful for me, and may be for you, too).

[Portia]

I made an appointment with a guy who has a secondary office right by my work. He has a PhD, so you know, ethos.

[Portia]

He had a cancellation this very afternoon. I will report back how it goes.

[Portia]

OMG, everyone. I have Uffish and TBS to thank for pestering me to do this. And Katya and Sister Zed for doing some of the groundwork research that made me first think that a psychologist would be beneficial.

We were in agreement of what my major symptoms were and their underlying cause. He hedged by saying "labels can be helpful, and they cannot be helpful;" I told him to go ahead and give a provisional diagnosis, and it's what I'd suspected for three months. (And when my boyfriend Googled the symptoms, he was like, "yep. This could be it.") I don't see any reason to beat around the bush, and he has a very straightforward, no-nonsense interpersonal style, which was exactly what I needed. He's pretty hands-on in terms of it being goal-oriented.

On the one hand, having a framework to think about my emotional life is a positive thing. On the other hand, he compared it to leukemia, more that it could be managed/go in remission and maybe not so much go away (and we know I love cancer). But hey, this crap is real and I guess I'm in the lucky minority that hasn't attempted to off myself, so I'd rather just do the work now, y'know? But I don't think I'm going to go around saying what it is. On the one hand, I agree that mental illness shouldn't have a stigma. On the other hand, is it anyone's business besides close friends and partners? In my opinion, no.

I feel pretty lucky that I got a good fit the first time out. His office is in walking distance to my work, so I can't blow him off; he is a "nerd," I'd say, not New Age-y at all; and the thing I was most pleasantly surprised about, he is a non-Mormon who got his doctorate at BYU, so he's not easily shocked and I don't feel the need to self-censor that I do with LDS therapists.

If anyone is merely curious or has a similarly stormy personal life, feel free to PM me. All y'all with your depression, especially, made me think "well, I'm not like that at all." But to extend the analogy, leukemia might not present like some other cancer, much less diabetes or lupus or whatever, right?

And I don't even have to start on meds if I don't want. A class of anti-epileptics (!) (ah!) can treat the symptoms but not the cause, and can leave some people zombiefied. I'm going to start with psychoanalysis and then weigh my options then.

Again, thanks for bugging me. My boyfriend is the kind of good person that has texted me every morning to convince me to go to work, so the nudges helped. It helps that you're all smart and I respect you. :) (Because my family thinks that psychiatry is made up, basically. Which I think exacerbated my particular problem.)

[vorpal blade]

It sounds encouraging, Portia, to have a diagnosis. It's hard to fix what you don't know is broken.

[Portia]

It sounds encouraging, Portia, to have a diagnosis. It's hard to fix what you don't know is broken.

It is, but at the same time, I can no longer claim to myself that I'm just eccentric. Maturity sucks.

[vorpal blade]

I've been studying DNA testing, and it is surprising how many people do NOT want to know if they have genes which indicate potential health risks. I guess for many there is truth to the statement "ignorance is bliss."

And I can see that, to a point. Some people cannot help worrying about something, even if they have no control over it. If there is absolutely nothing you can do about it then knowing might not be a good thing. What if it were possible to know exactly the day and hour you were going to die, but you could not alter that future? Would it be liberating or crushing? I can see being depressed about it, feeling doomed, feeling life is pointless. On the other hand, it might be really good to know that you only have 5 more years to live and plan the rest of your life to get as much out of it as you can, and to leave as great a legacy as you can.

I forget which movie I was watching recently where someone was asked how many experiences he could recall from his childhood. Maybe ten or twenty that really stood out. In the next twenty days he had the opportunity to double that number. Knowing he had only twenty days left to live was empowering in that he could really make those twenty days really count. I think it was a Bollywood movie.

Anyway, lots of people have mixed feelings about knowing something that they wish was not true. I feel happy for you that you know it, and sad that it is not what you wanted to learn. I guess I vicariously have mixed feelings now, as well.

[Emiliana]

So ... I need to be back in therapy, too. Blarg. I don't want to. But I *do* want to stop picking at my cuticles, etc., until I bleed on an almost daily basis, so maybe I should get going on that therapy business, eh?

[Portia]

So ... I need to be back in therapy, too. Blarg. I don't want to. But I *do* want to stop picking at my cuticles, etc., until I bleed on an almost daily basis, so maybe I should get going on that therapy business, eh?

Do it!

[Dragon Lady]

Vorpal, my dad has a *lot* of health problems. Mostly stemming from the fact that he only has a half a stomach due to bleeding ulcers in the early part of his marriage. (They now have much better ways of fixing those, but they didn't then.) But even if they are caused from the half-stomach, they're also all hereditary. So there is no certainty if it's from the surgery and I'm safe, or if it's genetic and I should be careful. Everything from osteoporosis and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis to heart disease (he had a triple bypass a few years back).

So in a way, I do know several of my potential health risks. Sometimes, it scares me to death and I feel like there's nothing I can do about it, so why even try? But most times it spurs me on to healthier eating. I really believe that a lot of health problems could be solved with better diet. And not dieting. Not replacing bad stuff with other bad stuff. (Aspertame, I'm looking at you.) But cooking more and eating things closer to their natural state. Now, I'm not perfect. And I definitely love my splurges. But I'm a much healthier person than I was, even as a newlywed. Mostly because I'm more conscious of what risks I have.

Now if only I could get that knowledge and desire to help me enjoy exercising. Then I might do it more...

[mic0]

Did any of you watch the recent Simpsons episode where Marge goes to therapy? I thought it was really touching.

[Marduk]

Did any of you watch the recent Simpsons episode where Marge goes to therapy? I thought it was really touching.

Recycled storylines, eh? She already did that, in season 6. To get over her fear of flying.

[mic0]

Oh no, a recycled storyline in a show that's been around for 20 years! I don't know if I saw that episode, but in this one it is revealed she has been regularly attending therapy just for talking about everyday issues, like Homer being somewhat of a deadbeat.

[Eirene]

Did any of you watch the recent Simpsons episode where Marge goes to therapy? I thought it was really touching.

I did see that one! I really liked the way that part played out, too.

[vorpal blade]

I agree with you, Dragon Lady. If you know something is a risk you are more motivated to take precautions (unless you are trying to hurt yourself.)

I'm not good at consistently doing exercises, even though I know it would be good for me. My plan is to do something fun that also involves exercise. Playing vigorous games, for example. So I don't think of it as exercise.

I also sort of make rules for myself that forces me to exercise. I make myself walk up to the 4th floor where I work instead of using the elevator. When traveling I use the stairs in a hotel. I only have one running car, which my wife needs, so I need to ride my bicycle to work. Like you I like to garden, which also causes me to spend Saturdays outside digging, weeding, throwing compost around, chopping down trees, splitting logs, raking, pushing a wheelbarrow around, and so forth. If you have tons of compost and you tell yourself that it needs to be turned over every two weeks you get hours of exercise.

But just doing push ups and sit ups? Boring.

[Portia]

Trying to cancel or reschedule appointments is one of the most stressful things I have ever experienced. Dealing with the conflict and the mess of these unforeseen things (like my brother's flight) is making me worse than I was before!

[Portia]

Also, I could pay rent with as much as I'm being charged. It's ridiculous. I'm done.

[TheBlackSheep]

1. They're just like any medical office... booked up in order to keep business afloat. There are emergency lines for emergencies while you wait, but scheduling is just part of the beast.

2. I thought you were just waiting for your insurance to kick in? Then it will be cheaper.