Recent questions related to queer topics

Your chance to pontificate on the subject of your choice. (Please keep it PG-rated.)
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TheBlackSheep
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Recent questions related to queer topics

Post by TheBlackSheep »

I'm in an extremely grouchy place today, which is why I'm posting here and not in "Reader Response." This weekend was the reunion of the super-conservative side of my family and I'm in an uncomfortably grumpy mood toward the Church (I've officially decided to resign my membership rather than continuing on in less-active anonymity). Please do me a kindness and try to remember how I usually am, with my well-reasoned and charitable responses. I am not in the mood today.

This rant is not directed at the answers to any of the questions that I mention, as I've hardly been able to summon the patience to read or even skim the responses. It is directed solely at the questions themselves.

Who says something has to make you feel completely morally comfortable in order for you to show support to the people you love, especially the passive kind of support represented in attending a wedding? Why would you need to be able to put your complete stamp of moral approval on something in order to communicate that you are happy that someone else is happy? Why do you have such highfalutin ideas about your personal judgments? It's not a command to march in a demonstration for equal marriage rights; it's a wedding invitation. If you want to go then go, and if you don't want to go then don't. But if you're going to spend the entire affair uncomfortably puzzling over whether your attendance means you have made some ungodly pledge of approval, DON'T GO. The couple should get to enjoy their day and their happiness without your disapproval, however subtle. Attending someone's wedding means that you care enough about that person to dress up and spend a few hours of your weekend at yet another long, predictable party punctuated by a chocolate fountain and cake cutting in order to demonstrate that you love them and care that they are happy. It does not mean that you approve of every one of their life decisions or even of the union itself. Otherwise, I could not have attended many of the receptions I have attended in my life, including one of my best BYU friends. She met her husband while he was in town for a mission reunion and they never, in their six weeks of dating or two months of engagement, lived in the same state. He also would not move up to Provo for a semester while they continued to date because he didn't want to do that "in case it didn't work out." She was happy, and so I went to the wedding and then supported her through her tearful initial years of marriage. Get off your high horse.

And oh the trans* questions of late. Until you can't use either bathroom without fearing for your safety (as you've been violently pulled out of the one designated for use by you birth sex after being judged to not belong there), you probably shouldn't focus on your worry that laws meant to protect trans* people will allow scary straight, cisgender men to don a skirt in hopes of sneaking a peak at your unclothed excreting form. (Why are we afraid of men anyhow?) I can guarantee you that people who might sneak into the bathroom of the opposite sex for that sort of voyeurism would not be deterred by any laws. By the time it gets to that level for someone, they are going to do what they are going to do, and they don't need to fake a trans* identity to do it. Besides, in your fear, I think you're thinking too small. What about the lesbians and other queer women (like me) who already have access to female bathrooms, free and clear? How do you know they aren't leering at you? Maybe you've moved past that kind of extreme homophobia and have moved on to transphobia (give it 20 years and check back with me) or you forget about us queer women sometimes (you know a queer woman, whether you know it or not).

And as for the question whether someone can really be trans*, why anonymously ask this question to a whole bunch of Mormon cisgender folks? (Not that there's anything wrong with being Mormon or cisgender, obviously.) Why not go meet a trans* person (or several trans* people!) and ask them about their experience and judge for yourself? Nobody who is cisgender, including me, really understands what it is like to be transgender. What are you afraid of?
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mic0
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Re: Recent questions related to queer topics

Post by mic0 »

Agreed so much. At least these people are asking their questions somewhere and trying to learn/see other perspectives.
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bobtheenchantedone
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Re: Recent questions related to queer topics

Post by bobtheenchantedone »

Amen!
The Epistler was quite honestly knocked on her ethereal behind by the sheer logic of this.
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Portia
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Re: Recent questions related to queer topics

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TheBlackSheep wrote:(I've officially decided to resign my membership rather than continuing on in less-active anonymity)
My best friend also decided to do this this week.
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mic0
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Re: Recent questions related to queer topics

Post by mic0 »

I try not to pay attention to Mormon news these days, but from what I've gathered on Facebook this week was interesting to say the least. I'm not at all surprised to hear of people being even more ready to resign.
Last edited by mic0 on Mon Jun 16, 2014 12:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Portia
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Re: Recent questions related to queer topics

Post by Portia »

I find it slightly ridiculous that fully 70% of the top-read articles in my local news site are about this imbroglio.
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TheBlackSheep
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Re: Recent questions related to queer topics

Post by TheBlackSheep »

I had actually decided to resign before this week, but the news this week certainly didn't do anything to reverse that decision. John Dehlin and his podcast were an important part of my faith transition, the one that took years and is maybe still going on. I don't find apostasy in his work. It's hard to keep thinking that maybe there's a place for you when someone who has helped you is told that there is maybe no room for them if they keep up their work. I feel for the two other activists as well, though I have less connection to their movements.
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bobtheenchantedone
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Re: Recent questions related to queer topics

Post by bobtheenchantedone »

My first response to the news was that I wanted to resign. Now I'm not so sure. I know some of my familial relationships (and how family members talk about me) would change drastically once it was known I had resigned. I may prefer that we all keep pretending I'm still more LDS than not.
The Epistler was quite honestly knocked on her ethereal behind by the sheer logic of this.
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TheBlackSheep
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Re: Recent questions related to queer topics

Post by TheBlackSheep »

I've told my mom and she was incredibly supportive. I know the news won't go so well with other family members, but my mom has my back.

And bob, my advice, as always, is to do what you need to do, whatever that is. Whatever will make your life better. But also remember that most people do eventually come around to respecting (or at least shutting up about) their family members' choices. It could be that the sooner you get that ball rolling... But again, do what you need to do. Only you know what that is.
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