hand holding.

[Imogen]

i'm gonna use that "dont' touch her! she's a virgin!" line with all my kiddos at the community theatre from now on. that's hilarious.

and you may be right about your church being more effective than say, creepy purity balls and abstinence pledges, which are proven not to work.

[C is for]

Well, and it's not only our culture, but it's our modern culture. I remember being at my grandparents' house, talking about one of my cousins. He'd gone on a second or third date recently, I guess, and perhaps had been trying to decide if he wanted to hold her hand. My grandparents were shocked -- if a guy didn't hold your hand by the second date he was a jerk and not at all a gentleman! It was a symbol of chivalry and protection that has now become a symbol of commitment.

Last time I started dating someone, we decided we were in a relationship a full day before we ever got around to holding hands, or hugging, or anything. I don't know how typical that is (I think not so typical) but it does illustrate that it's viewed as kind of a big commitment.

(For the record, I like holding hands. I remember holding hands a lot with my last boyfriend. He even wanted to eat dinner holding hands, which we could do because I'm left-handed. And it was never awkward when one of us needed to let go -- why should it be? Neither of us felt like our relationship status held in the balance whether or not we were holding hands. [that sentence doesn't scan, but you know what I'm trying to say anyway])

[thebigcheese]

Back when I was a freshman, me and my roommates would debate the appropriate order for the following:

Kiss
Hold Hands
Cuddle
Hug

...opinions anyone?

[TheAnswerIs42]

Hold hands
hug
kiss
cuddle

I think the first pair and the second pair are interchangable - so it could be hug, hold hands, cuddle, kiss. But that's just me.

[Marduk]

... which we could do because I'm left-handed. ...

I just wanted to pull this out, and mention myself as a member of the union. Lefties unite!

[Tao]

Heh, I am no where near the norm, but in my experience they would be ranked something like:
hug
cuddle
hold hands
kiss

Hand-holding is fluid, fitting in anywhere along the spectrum depending on the relationship and the desires of the distaff. Dating would fall somewhere just before (or immediately after, heh) kissing.

[thebigcheese]

Heh, maybe we should add Relationship to the mix. I always heard people say that "official" dating comes with the kiss, so that's the standard I've used.

Hug
Hold Hands
Kiss
Cuddle

I used to argue for this order, but I have since made exceptions

... which we could do because I'm left-handed. ...

I just wanted to pull this out, and mention myself as a member of the union. Lefties unite!

Hey, me too! Left-handed high fives all around...

[Marduk]

HA! No wonder I like you guys so much.

[Indefinite Integral]

Maybe I'm just a cuddle slut, but I find myself going more in this order:

Hug
Cuddle
Hold Hands
Relationship/Kiss (those two are fairly synonymous for me).

Mmmm....I love me some cuddling. Although, it has gotten me in trouble once or twice.

Oh wait, Tao had the same order as me. Does that mean he's a cuddle slut too?

[NerdGirl]

I would think kissing is a bigger deal than cuddling, unless cuddling means something different to you all than it means to me.

[NerdGirl]

And I should clarify that last statement by saying that when I think of cuddling, I think of a couple sitting on the couch together and the girl has her head on the guy's shoulder and/or the guy has his arm around here.

And now suddenly I'm thinking of the scene from the Brady Bunch Movie where Marsha is in the car with the Big Man on Campus, and she says, "You've got your hand on my shoulder and that's second base and I don't go that far."

[thebigcheese]

I love me some cuddling too, but I think it's weird to be in such close physical contact with someone when you haven't even kissed yet. I've never really cuddled with a guy I haven't kissed (except for my fiance...who held my hand, cuddled, and kissed me all in the same night! cuddling quickly turned into kissing, in that instance)

[C is for]

Hugs have to come first. How else are you supposed to say goodnight at the doorstep after the first date? (Don't answer that. Most of my dates just watch me open the door and then leave.)

I think cuddling (at least how NerdGirl defines it) and holding hands tend to come at about the same point...at which point we're also probably in a relationship. (See, hand-holding connotes commitment! I live in a crazy world.)

Then kissing.

Of course I've never been in a relationship where kissing came more than a week later than holding hands. I guess the rationale was, Now that we're committed (by holding hands) may as well show more commitment. Or get more benefits. Or something.

[Marduk]

I think there's a "cuddling continuum". So it is hard to say where it falls into the order. I'd say that "arm around" style usually comes before anything, but arm around waist type stuff would probably come after hugs. Things like thigh-holding and spooning would only come after a relationship.

[Tao]

Oh wait, Tao had the same order as me. Does that mean he's a cuddle slut too?

Heh. Well, balance is the essence of life.

I seem to remember a Rating Pending answer dealing with a hug continuum, so a cuddle continuum wouldn't be too surprising, methinks.

[thebigcheese]

Yin Yang cats...now I've seen everything.

[Indefinite Integral]

I was reading through the board archives and found this question. I thought is was pertinent to our discussion.

Enjoy reading! I know I did.

[bobtheenchantedone]

Ha! I remember that one. Go read it, everyone!

[Emiliana]

I'm not Mormon, but my typical order would be:

hugging (I've hugged guys at any stage of relationship/non-relationship, including while telling them I wasn't interested in going on a second date. Hugging = mild affection but zero commitment)
hand-holding/relationship (these two are interchangeable)
cuddling
kissing

I think kissing is last on my list because any of the others can be done outside the context of a romantic relationship. I'm very physically affectionate with some of my female friends, but none of them will ever get so much as a peck on the cheek. Ever.

[Marduk]

To all those who say that there is no non-romantic way to kiss, I encourage you to observe a Hispanic/European family gathering, and tell me how much kissing you see.