Singles wards

[Craig Jessop]

I hate singles wards. All anybody ever talks about is getting married. Even when they talk about perfectly innocuous things like the sacrament, all it seems anybody can do is make a joke about passing the sacrament to a girl. Frankly, I don't plan to meet my wife that way. What are you supposed to do? Stop and talk to her in the middle of the meeting? Or notice she's attractive, then go and sit next to her after you can sit down? Please.

I get it. I'm supposed to get married. That's a fact.

But I have other needs! I have other activities, interests, and goals! I want to hear the Gospel, feel the Spirit, and be instructed on being a better person! I don't want to hear -- over and over and over and over -- stupid jokes about finding the right one, or banal comments about how you shouldn't do anything other than date and marry (in three months, of course) the first thing you see with two X chromosomes and a testimony. Those might be the two biggest priorities to me, but, sorry, but I have other things I'm looking for in my future spouse, too, a lot of them extremely important to me, and odds are I'm not going to find her in family home evening.

Frankly, I don't want to get married right now. I'm still very young. I have plenty of time. I have a lot to do still. Marriage would have its benefits, of course, but I'm perfectly happy single right now. Completely happy, in fact. I wish that it weren't a sin in singles ward culture to feel that way.

[bobtheenchantedone]

Marriage has never been on my event horizon. I know it will happen eventually, but I've been happy to live my life with my current relationships and not actively seek for a ring.

[Katya]

I hate singles wards. All anybody ever talks about is getting married. Even when they talk about perfectly innocuous things like the sacrament, all it seems anybody can do is make a joke about passing the sacrament to a girl. Frankly, I don't plan to meet my wife that way. What are you supposed to do? Stop and talk to her in the middle of the meeting? Or notice she's attractive, then go and sit next to her after you can sit down? Please.

I get it. I'm supposed to get married. That's a fact.

But I have other needs! I have other activities, interests, and goals! I want to hear the Gospel, feel the Spirit, and be instructed on being a better person! I don't want to hear -- over and over and over and over -- stupid jokes about finding the right one, or banal comments about how you shouldn't do anything other than date and marry (in three months, of course) the first thing you see with two X chromosomes and a testimony. Those might be the two biggest priorities to me, but, sorry, but I have other things I'm looking for in my future spouse, too, a lot of them extremely important to me, and odds are I'm not going to find her in family home evening.

Frankly, I don't want to get married right now. I'm still very young. I have plenty of time. I have a lot to do still. Marriage would have its benefits, of course, but I'm perfectly happy single right now. Completely happy, in fact. I wish that it weren't a sin in singles ward culture to feel that way.

This is a large part of why I ditched my singles ward for a family ward at age 22 and never looked back. (I did end up back in a singles ward for 2 years in grad school for logistical reasons, but that ward had a very different feel from the stereotypical BYU singles ward.)

[NerdGirl]

The singles ward (branch, actually) that I'm in right now is the least marriage-obsessed singles ward I've ever seen. You should check it out if you're ever randomly in Nova Scotia for some reason. Part of it probably has to do with the fact that most of the people who aren't converts are somehow related to each other, but another big part of it is that in this part of the world, marriage is seen as something you do when you're a bit older, even in the church. When someone who's still in their early 20s does get married, people are like, "Wow, you're so young!" The friends I've had here who have gotten married have usually dated their spouses for at least a year.

It's not that we never talk about marriage, there's just not any unhealthy pressure or sense of desperation when we do. We actually had a class on eternal marriage for institute one spring (we usually decide collectively what class we're going to do in the spring, and we picked that one because the manual covered so many interesting topics). There were both married people and single people in the class, and there was never any feeling of "hurry up and get married right now because your life won't start until you're married!". It was more a class on how to prepare yourself for the ongoing challenges of starting a family and raising children and how to increase your gospel knowledge throughout your life. We talked about how who you marry is such an important decision that you need to make it carefully and prayerfully and not rush it. The general attitude here is that of course eternal marriage is one of our goals, but that you don't need to be in a hurry and you need to listen to the spirit and trust in the Lord's timing. And there's a lot of emphasis on building friendships with everyone and developing your talents and increasing your spirituality no matter what stage of life you're in.

I really love my branch. And two years before I came here I had actually sworn off of singles wards forever and I had been going to a family ward in Provo. The singles wards I had seen in Alberta were about the same as the ones I had seen in Provo, so I just assumed they would be the same out here. But I am so glad that someone convinced me to just try it one week. I have just been so impressed by the church members in Nova Scotia in general. Because there are so few of them, and many are really new to the church, it's almost like the novelty hasn't yet worn off or something. There is so much unity and willingness to serve and share the gospel. People don't take the church for granted because they know what it's like to be without it. People will drive for three hours each way on Saturday mornings to attend all four temple sessions, and then post on facebook about how grateful they are to live so "close" to a temple!

[krebscout]

I really just never felt that pressure from my ward. Dating was a big deal of course, but nobody cared if you were playing the game or not.

[Unit of Energy]

I don't feel pressured at all in my ward. My bishop is always excited when he finds out that someone in our ward is dating someone, and encourages dating, but the focus is on improving ourselves, not on finding the right one.

[Craig Jessop]

I don't feel pressured at all in my ward. My bishop is always excited when he finds out that someone in our ward is dating someone, and encourages dating, but the focus is on improving ourselves, not on finding the right one.

I wish I were in your ward, and I mean that in the least flirtatious way possible.

[TheAnswerIs42]

Yeah, I . . . honestly don't remember feeling pressured from my ward. Mostly I remember just steaming because my dance-major, former-Miss-Utah-contestant roommate had new hot dates every weekend. But I loved my ward (and my roommate, she was really sweet. I was just jealous.) My good ward had something to do with the location, though- the Tree Streets ward was mostly in the 25-30 age range. It was a very social, party ward with no pressure to make any progress towards getting married. In fact, I remember I stopped getting invited to the parties when I got engaged.

[Katya]

The Tree Streets ward was mostly in the 25-30 age range.

My second ward was like that. And my fifth ward.

It was a very social, party ward with no pressure to make any progress towards getting married. In fact, I remember I stopped getting invited to the parties when I got engaged.

Why do you think they stopped inviting you to the parties when you got engaged?

[TheAnswerIs42]

LOL. The parties were mostly hosted by this group of fun guys a street over that had a hot tub in the backyard (though most of the people just came over to hang out and watch movies). Everyone in the ward was implicitly invited to their monthly or so events, and much of the ward usually did come. The parties really did remind me of college parties back East, where people are crowded into the house all over the place. Except they played drinking games with sprite. But once I was "off the market" I noticed that the guys didn't actually come and ask me if I was coming. Anyone and everyone showed up, but I didn't get the "did you hear about our next party? You should totally come!" once they found out I wasn't "available". Trust me, it wasn't a mean thing. It was more like they backed away from flirting when they found out I was engaged.

[Darth Fedora]

When people give you advice (eg, get married!), you don't necessarily have to interpret it as, "Hey! You're wrong and bad. Do this instead!" I think what a lot of advice-givers really mean is, "This is something wonderful that I think will make you happy. And you're great and I want you to be happy! So do it!"
Basically, I like interpreting advice as an interest in my happiness rather than as a censure.

[Dead Cat]

If you don't like the idea of marriage pressure, you could always join a Freshmen ward...

I see it more or less as Darth Fedora just said. No one is trying to annoy you with all the marriage talk, so take it in the spirit it's given. As for me, I'll get married when I'm ready and have the obligatory courtesy laugh at all the jokes about it until then.

[Yellow]

Marriage has never been on my event horizon. I know it will happen eventually, but I've been happy to live my life with my current relationships and not actively seek for a ring.

You have an event horizon? Wow.

[Dead Cat]

Marriage has never been on my event horizon. I know it will happen eventually, but I've been happy to live my life with my current relationships and not actively seek for a ring.

You have an event horizon? Wow.

It comes from being an Enchanted One. Other benefits from becoming an Enchanted One is laser vision and getting a plate of cookies.

[Tao]

Marriage has never been on my event horizon. I know it will happen eventually, but I've been happy to live my life with my current relationships and not actively seek for a ring.

You have an event horizon? Wow.

It comes from being an Enchanted One. Other benefits from becoming an Enchanted One is laser vision and getting a plate of cookies.

The cookies I can understand, as one who merits an event horizon will be getting many things. The laser vision intrigues me though.... upon what does it lase? That is some enchant...

[TheBlackSheep]

My YSA ward right now is so great on this front. In my initial interview with the bishop he was talking about marriage and told me I'm young and so he hopes I have years before marriage happens. And dating someone though I might be, I knew this ward was a good one.

[bobtheenchantedone]

It comes from being an Enchanted One. Other benefits from becoming an Enchanted One is laser vision and getting a plate of cookies.

The cookies I can understand, as one who merits an event horizon will be getting many things. The laser vision intrigues me though.... upon what does it lase? That is some enchant...

I use my laser vision to keep you lot in line. Remember the reader who went by DaringTon? Yeah, of course you don't. LET THAT BE A WARNING.

P.S. Apparently you can only quote three quotes within each other. Whose idea was that?

[Katya]

P.S. Apparently you can only quote three quotes within each other. Whose idea was that?

Perhaps it's a forum setting that can be changed?