Saving for your kids' education

[thebigcheese]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/60045/

So I have some friends who are completely and totally opposed to the idea of saving for your kids' college education. They claim that earning your own tuition builds character, allows your kids to have a greater sense of accomplishment, and really teaches them to work for the things they want. Plus, they say things like, "Well nobody paid for mine, so why should I pay for theirs?"

What are your thoughts/feelings?

[bobtheenchantedone]

My parents saved for college for a while, with a couple of the middle children. That money is long gone, even though I am the only child in college. I have been responsible for my tuition and everyone else will be too. In fact, my sister is only able to continue doing drama stuff in high school because I am paying her for the work she does in my tiny business. And I can only be so non-worried about college money because the government pays me quite a bit and I get half tuition.

I don't quite know how I feel about it. I'm a little torn. On one hand, hooray for children earning their own money! On the other, hooray for having some money with which to help children! *is puzzled*

[Katya]

One of the nice things about putting myself through college was that I never felt like I had to get my parents' permission for making academic decisions. So I added majors and added and dropped minors with abandon and was always a bit taken aback when a friend would talk about getting their parents permission to change their major. I always kept my parents informed of my decisions (and I think they would have been supportive, regardless), but I certainly never felt like I had to get their permission to do any of it. Plus, I get to play the martyr every time anyone talks about their parents paying for college.

Of course, the downside of putting myself through college was that had a very no-frills educational experience, because I couldn't afford anything else. (A semester abroad, in particular, would have helped my language skills, although I still did OK in my French classes.) And, even then, I could only afford to pay for my schooling myself through a 1/2 tuition scholarship and Pell Grants. Had I not gone to BYU with its subsidized tuition, and had my parents not lived close enough for me to live at home for most of my college years, I simply could not have afforded to pay for it all myself. And even then, I had to drop out after my freshman year to work for a year so that I could save up enough money to continue.

Should I have enough money to pay for my children's education, when the time comes, I think I'd like to pay for half of it and let them cover the rest through scholarships, loans, or by working. I think that making them responsible for part of the cost would help them to make wiser decisions and not take the money for granted, but by paying for some of it, I'd hopefully open up more options to them and help make their experience better, overall.

[Unit of Energy]

I think that I''ll save for their college education, but only use it if it is absolutely necessary. I think that having children pay for their own education will help them appreciate it more, but having money for them will be a stress reliever for them and me.

[melbabi]

I liked what my parents did. They paid for our tuition but we were expected to pay for everything else like books, rooms, food, and anything else. It was nice because then I was able to stay out of debt throughout my undergraduate. My dad did get a little controlling about wanting me to do a certain major (which I did not end up doing) but I think even if I had paid for all of it myself, he would have still pushed it.

[Imogen]

I think that I''ll save for their college education, but only use it if it is absolutely necessary. I think that having children pay for their own education will help them appreciate it more, but having money for them will be a stress reliever for them and me.

i think the idea that paying for college yourself makes you value it more is totally wrong. i had a full scholarship and a very generous mother and didn't have to work, but i still HIGHLY valued my education. it's important to instill a love of education and learning early, otherwise it won't matter who is paying for things because the kid won't get anything out of it.

i'm planning on saving what i can and hopefully letting my kids avoid working while in high school in college. i was lucky enough not to have to work (though my parents kept telling me to), but there's no way i would've had time. i carried a full class load, plus rehearsals from 7pm-1am most nights. when would i work? my mom knew the major i wanted to go into (drama) and was very supportive. she never held the money over me. my dad hated my major, but wasn't paying for anything, so i didn't care. we had the understanding that i would pay back my loans, but those are actually getting canceled because of my job. i don't want my kids to have to drop out to work. or to fail a class because they're working 40 hours a week. i want them to enjoy their college experience as much as possible. i'll probably encourage them to work during the summers like i did for a couple of years, but that just depends on if they take internships or decide to go abroad for a summer or something. as long as they are doing well and working hard toward graduation, i will support my kids until they get good, steady jobs, just like my mom did for me.

[Unit of Energy]

It does depend on how you were raised. And I believe that finding and applying to scholarships is a form of work.

[Tao]

My parents helped out as much as they could, which amounted to a lot more than I'd expected. They covered my insurance and phone expenses and I was able to stock up out of the pantry any time I was able to make it back home. I think paying your own way has more advantages than just appreciating classes enough to go (though that factors in). I have had to work; and find work, which for me was even more challenging. I've had to budget, to prioritize, and payed for it when laziness overcame good sense. I've learned that if you've only enough for tuition and nothing for books, you really don't have enough for that semester, and probably should take it off and work a bit more. I've made dumb mistakes and been faced with eviction, and know how to tighten my belt to make sure to make good on my word.

I'm not sure how things would have been different if tuition had been taken care of for me, one way or another. I wouldn't have made all the friends I did from work, that time would have been filled with something else; different friends may have been found. Grades wouldn't have gone up, (and depending on what other activities I found, they may have gone down). I'd like to think that I'd have found a job anyway, just to kill time, but odds are I'd have spent many more hours in the library or playing games.

If somehow I have kids and can save up a sizable portion of their education, I'll probably do so; with some sort of caveat or loan-system attached. It'll also depend heavily on the kid and what the circumstances are at the time.

[ahem.]

This article is basically what I believe.

I like to say that I did it all on my own without any student debt, but that's not entirely accurate. My parents took pity on me more than once when I called in tears due to financial worries and concerns. But I like to think that if they hadn't helped out, I could have done it on my own. Perhaps by taking a semester off at one point or another to work. But I really do think I did pretty well for myself without too much outside help. That is a fact I am proud of.

[TheAnswerIs42]

My older brothers are half brothers. So it was easier for my mom- their dad in California paid for tuition, and my parents did the room/board if they didn't live with their dad while they went to school. But I was the first kid without the "benefit" of divorce, so they were worried. Until I got a scholarship. So then they still just paid for room/board. I was on my own for food, after the dorms, so I got summer jobs to pay for books and food, and worked hard to keep the scholarship.

I don't know, I just kind of . . . save money. I don't plan on earmarking it for my kids' college education exactly, but just saving money as much as I can and helping if I can and the situation arises. I think it is good to help when you can, but I don't think anyone should grow up expecting it.

[C is for]

My parents have a "College" fund for each of us, but I graduated without having to dip into it more than a few times in my freshman year when I couldn't cover the exorbitant Helaman Halls rent. I'll still get the money when I get married...that was kind of the deal. You pay for your own college and get the money later, or you use it now. I was lucky and had a great scholarship so only had to pay rent (which, freshman year when I wasn't working, was too much anyway). My sister, who doesn't have such a great scholarship, is covered by my parents. But she plans on working all summer to take care of the next year (she did that this summer, too, but she had an awful job and didn't make very much at all). So we're ... kind of trying to be self-sufficient, but we have the fallback.

And I really like it. I like that I can start my married life (or my independent life, whatever) with a few dollars in the bank. I fully plan on creating a fund for each of my children as they're born, if it's possible.

I don't think I would have had to ask permission to change my major even if they had paid every cent. I understand why parents would ask that, but I think it shows a ... can I say it shows a lack of trust in their child?

[Darth Fedora]

My opinion on the matter is pretty similar to Imogen's.
My parents have always been willing to support my siblings and me in young adulthood, as long as we're either going to school or working full-time. Their commitment to support us through our education and to establish generous college/grad school savings funds for us has taught me more about the value of education than spending four years scrambling in the couch cushions for laundry money ever could. I know not every family has the financial stability to do that, but I am so grateful that I've been placed in such a wonderful situation.

[Wisteria]

Like Bob, I got the benefits of half tuition at BYU as an undergrad, and my parents decided that they would give us a check for the other half of tuition. If I had a scholarship, I got to pocket the extra money, if I didn't, it went to cover the rest of my tuition. This was a very nice setup for my brother the Hinckley Scholar.
I really appreciated that setup. I still worked to pay rent and eat and stuff, but it put me in a really good place to learn to balance work and school and to learn the value of earning money without killing myself. Which was just as well since I got very sick during my freshman year.
Also, this was never part of the deal with my parents, but my mom is very, very sick, and has been for a long time, and I spent a lot of time in college at my parents' house although I did not live there to cook meals, clean, run errands, and provide mentoring for my younger siblings. So I feel like I earned that tuition money, in a roundabout way.

For my kids? I don't want them to have to start their post-college lives loaded with debt, so I fully plan on setting aside some money for them- to cover some of the costs, but definitely not all. To be discussed more with my husband when I have a husband.

[thebigcheese]

My parents have a "College" fund for each of us, but I graduated without having to dip into it more than a few times in my freshman year when I couldn't cover the exorbitant Helaman Halls rent. I'll still get the money when I get married...that was kind of the deal. You pay for your own college and get the money later, or you use it now. I was lucky and had a great scholarship so only had to pay rent (which, freshman year when I wasn't working, was too much anyway). My sister, who doesn't have such a great scholarship, is covered by my parents. But she plans on working all summer to take care of the next year (she did that this summer, too, but she had an awful job and didn't make very much at all). So we're ... kind of trying to be self-sufficient, but we have the fallback.

And I really like it. I like that I can start my married life (or my independent life, whatever) with a few dollars in the bank. I fully plan on creating a fund for each of my children as they're born, if it's possible.

This is intriguing to me...because it gives the kid some choice and responsibility! On a semi-related note, I was thinking about housing the other day, and I wondered what would've happened if my parents did it this way: each month, give your kids an average amount to cover their rent. Let's say $275. Then tell them that if they want a nicer place, they'll have to pay for it themselves. But if they don't mind living in a cheaper place, they can just pocket the cash.

I don't think I would have had to ask permission to change my major even if they had paid every cent. I understand why parents would ask that, but I think it shows a ... can I say it shows a lack of trust in their child?

Heh, my dad flat-out told me that if I majored in Recreation Management, he would stop paying my tuition. I was kind of angry about that for a while...

[NerdGirl]

I'm pretty much with Imogen here, and I like what C's parents did. My parents helped me as much as they could, which amounted to paying for my room and board my first two (of 5 years) and paying for my tuition in the years that I didn't have a scholarship. They would have helped more if they had had more money. While I think it's a good idea to do a lot of meaningful extracurricular things, including working, I don't think it's all that character-building to spend so much time working that your grades suffer and have to struggle to live on $300-400 a month. I would like to be able to save enough money to pay for my kids' education, with the stipulation that they do constructive things with their free time like being involved in theatre or music or dance or sports or research, and that they are strongly encouraged to find jobs as TAs, because being a TA has been about the most beneficial thing I've done. It really helped me learn physics better. If they want to spend all their time playing video games and surfing the internet, then they can pay for it themselves. That's my only issue. They can major in whatever they want, just as long as they're involving themselves in good extracurricular things.

[wired]

I am going to go out on a limb here and say whatever I do will be totally conditional upon my kids' achievements and maturity at that stage in life. I think I will be much more inclined to help without strings attached the more mature any of my children are, and will be much more inclined incentives for kids who are less mature or have become generally spoiled.

As a general rule, the ones who don't think they are entitled to or deserve parental financial assistance, will probably be the ones I am most likely to help.

[C is for]

As a general rule, the ones who don't think they are entitled to or deserve parental financial assistance, will probably be the ones I am most likely to help.

That's my dad's helping-with-dishes policy!

each month, give your kids an average amount to cover their rent. Let's say $275. Then tell them that if they want a nicer place, they'll have to pay for it themselves. But if they don't mind living in a cheaper place, they can just pocket the cash.

I like that idea....

[Tao]

I'm pretty much with Imogen here, and I like what C's parents did. My parents helped me as much as they could, which amounted to paying for my room and board my first two (of 5 years) and paying for my tuition in the years that I didn't have a scholarship. They would have helped more if they had had more money. While I think it's a good idea to do a lot of meaningful extracurricular things, including working, I don't think it's all that character-building to spend so much time working that your grade

My sister quoted me nearly the exact same idea when I asked her thoughts on the matter. She also threw savings for a mission in there, as there are other big-budget items that may require parental assistance.

I don't think it's all that character-building to spend so much time working that your grades suffer....

heh, I hold about the exact opposite philosophy. If my class+extracurricular load ever dropped to the point where my grades max out, I'd feel like I was shortchanging my education. I'd like to graduate with a GPA of 3.14, just to see how many employers notice.

[thebigcheese]

I once heard about a research study that says working during the school year in high school is often detrimental to kids, but working in college usually benefits them. And I can see how it would benefit them in a number of ways. For example, if you have to work, maybe you're more inclined to seek out internships, which would give you valuable experience down the road. Plus the whole idea of working equals maturity and responsibility. It encourages self-sufficiency. It's good stuff, really.

So I think I'd like to work out a system that requires my kids to work some, encourages them to get and retain scholarships, and doesn't completely kill their grades. I think my own parents started out really good. They offered to fund my entire freshman year 100%, but after that they expected me to work and then they'd cover whatever I couldn't afford. But they ended up bailing me out too much, to the point where I wasn't even motivated to look for a job anymore. Despite my claims that I was too busy to work, not working did NOT make my grades go up. Perhaps dating my future husband had some part in that. But my parents didn't really enforce their "we expect you to work" policy, and I capitalized on it by the time I was a senior. So uh, my kids aren't getting the same treatment because I can see a lot of the bad consequences in myself. Funny how that works sometimes... It was only a couple years ago that I was trying really hard to be a self-sufficient student (and dang proud of it, too). Since then, my work ethic has tanked somewhat. Parents! Don't give in! It does terrible things to your children!!

[Unit of Energy]

I think that a lot of the issue is maturity. I hope to be able to help my kids through college, and that might be monetarily. My parents have not been able to help me at all. In all I have received less than a semesters tuition from them during five years of school. They want to help more, but have not been able too. I do want to be in a position where my children can ask for help and I'm able to help them. I'm just not entirely convinced that my paying for myself hasn't been the best thing that could have happened to me.