63688: Talking to family

[Emiliana]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/63688/

I admit that my family relationships are ... not exactly typical, but it surprised me how often most writers said they talk to their families. I don't remember many of my friends talking to their parents that often in college, except for one whose mom was really manipulative and needy and got freaked out if her daughter didn't talk to her every single day.

I would talk to my dad a few times a semester for maybe fifteen or twenty minutes. We never called each other just to "chat." I wasn't necessarily thrilled with that situation, and occasionally I would--not exactly lie--but call him with a question about my car or insurance or something that I could have figured out on my own. Just because I wanted to talk to him, but neither of us would know what to say if I called just for the heck of it.

Did you think that the answers were a decent representation of people you knew in college?

[Cindy]

I went to college before cell phones were as prevalent as they are today, and I think that made a big difference. I think most of the people I knew probably talked to their parents about once every two months, on average. (My freshman year roommate, though, would get a phone call from her mom at 5 or 6 every single morning, and they spent several hours a day talking. I didn't think it was very healthy for either of them.) I probably talked to my parents about once a semester when I was in college, since I couldn't call long distance and they didn't think to call more often than that. Nowadays I talk to them about once a week.

[NerdGirl]

Back when I first was in college I probably talked to my parents once every week or two because long distance was really expensive. But now I talk to them almost every day probably for about 10 or 15 minutes because it doesn't cost anything and they're fun to talk to. My sister in law calls my mom probably everyday just to chat because she and my mom have a lot of common interests and they get along really well. She doesn't talk to her own mother very often, though.

[Unit of Energy]

I call every week or so, although i will often call home when walking home from school or work, although now that i got headphones for my phone I listen to music or talks. I mostly don't like walking in silence. I don't really start to need to talk to them until I haven't for a month. My mom will call me about every four months or so, after I haven't called home in a while. She has a habit of forgetting to return my calls too.

[Carrapicho]

I started college before everyone and their dog had a cell phone. During my freshman year (11 years ago now), my parents called me once a week. They considered it an appointment and if I missed it, they would be upset with me. They also asked my brother, who was also a BYU student, to be there so they could talk to both of us at once (although maybe that was also so that they made sure he was seeing me regularly). It was every Sunday, right after ward prayer. I didn't like the time because I always missed out on the socializing that went on in our Heritage Halls lobby area.

Anyway. Now, I wouldn't say I talk to them on the phone all that much. My mom and I chat a few times a week online, and I probably talk to my dad on the phone...maybe once a month or so? If that? So yeah. Not sure what that says about me, but there you go.

[Yarjka]

You frequent callers are making me feel guilty. I think I'll give my mom a ring tonight.

[Dragon Lady]

My mom and I were basically best friends while I was growing up. When I first went to college (before cell phones were common) I called at LEAST weekly. Maybe more. But it wasn't long distance, either. Then I went to China for a semester when I didn't call her at all. When I got home, it went down to about weekly. Then I moved to Utah and had a cell phone and it was probably still at least weekly. Probably more again. I was lonely down there by myself. And then we had an argument about a boy and it came back up in every conversation for awhile, so we stopped talking as much. But we still probably talk at least once every week or two. (And we're both way over the boy now. She likes my choice of Yellow a lot.) Though, usually when she calls it's because she wants computer help from Yellow.

[SMP]

I think I call home about once a month these days. But I'll chat with my parents regularly online. I definitely thought the writers answers seemed unusual. I don't feel like most people I knew talked to their parents that often.

[Tao]

At least once a week, sometimes closer to every day, rarely for longer than 45 minutes or so. I don't think much of calling my folks whenever the urge hits me, so I'll call for recipes, to check in on family plans, to get opinions, all the same reasons they'll call me.

[C is for]

I moved away to college and hardly ever talked to my parents. My mom would call me every week or two just to make sure I was alive, see how I was doing. Maybe it was more often. But I never called my parents unless I needed to ask something. I just didn't think of ever talking to them.

My one sister though? She just finished her freshman year at BYU and she called my mom every single day. And me, too. Sometimes more than once. She would usually call me with questions like "What's my address?" or "How do I add money to my signature card?" because I am the fount of all BYU-related knowledge. Or if Mom wasn't answering her phone. It's so different from the way I acted.

I think once a week is reasonable. I have another sister at BYU who makes sure to call every Sunday, which is nice of her. My parents don't call their parents every week, though. Maybe it's somewhat of a cultural thing?

[Marduk]

I think it is VERY cultural. For me, although I've never lived more than 10 minutes away from my parents, I generally don't call all that often, and the calls that do happen either direction usually take about five minutes, but I visit often. I cook there almost every Sunday, and other than that, I may go once or twice during the week (though most weeks I don't.) I also call my siblings about that often (at least the ones that live in the area, and my sister far more than my brothers) other than the one that lives in Dallas. I call her or she calls me maybe once or twice every three months or so, and then our conversations are around an hour or so.

But here's the big cultural part: my Mexican mother is almost always the one to call me. My Dad has initiated a phone call with me maybe about a half dozen times in my life? And my mom speaks to her mother or siblings (her father died when she was eleven, and the step dad was never that close) about once a week. My Dad spoke to his parents on the phone, when they were living, maybe twice a year, and his siblings on average maybe every five years on the phone (some much more frequently than that, but many almost never.)

[TheAnswerIs42]

But here's the big cultural part: my Mexican mother is almost always the one to call me. My Dad has initiated a phone call with me maybe about a half dozen times in my life?

To me, that isn't culture but gender. Most women are more emotionally attached the relationships, in my experience, and hence stay in closer contact with family than men bother to. My mom and I chat on the phone all the time like old girlfriends, but I don't talk to my dad nearly as often. My brothers rarely call home. I wasn't always that close to my mom- I needed some time and space away when I moved out to college. But once I got married and had kids, I started calling her all the time for advice and now we just call to chit chat.

[Dragon Lady]

It's true. I rarely call my dad. Well, that's not true anymore. Now that they're on their mission and my mom has decided she hates me and avoids all my phone calls (or rather that she forgets to charge her phone or take it with her) I end up calling my dad a lot to talk to my mom. Which means I small talk with my dad more often than normal. And turns out, he can sometimes talk to me longer than my mom can. Which is … really weird. To continue on the gender thing, 2 of my 3 brothers never ever call my parents unless I remind them of a birthday or something. (My other brother is very much a momma's boy, so I don't think he counts for this. ) But me and my sister call my mom all the time to either complain about life/children or to ask for parenting/homemaking advice.