ignoring?

[Portia]

How long would it take you to be fed up with an s.o. ignoring you? I feel like if you only live 3 miles away there's no reason not to be in touch every day? I so called this. Remember my series of questions that "love makes me miserable!" and "why do I date guys of this/that/other age?" and "singlehood is underrated"? Yeah, I'm an extraordinarily impatient person and just feel like "fine, ignore me, but watch as I date other people." I feel like if I can't be afforded the courtesy of a "hey, I'm busy, we'll talk later" than why should I extend the courtesy of some kind of tortured DTR? (Three days and counting.)

[Zedability]

How long would it take you to be fed up with an s.o. ignoring you? I feel like if you only live 3 miles away there's no reason not to be in touch every day? I so called this. Remember my series of questions that "love makes me miserable!" and "why do I date guys of this/that/other age?" and "singlehood is underrated"? Yeah, I'm an extraordinarily impatient person and just feel like "fine, ignore me, but watch as I date other people." I feel like if I can't be afforded the courtesy of a "hey, I'm busy, we'll talk later" than why should I extend the courtesy of some kind of tortured DTR? (Three days and counting.)

I think different people have different needs in relationships as far as communication goes. For instance, I'm fine(ish) with getting a letter once every two weeks; my friend is struggling living 1.5 hours away from her boyfriend because she needs to see him every single day. If you're in a relationship with someone who's on a different end of the spectrum than you on this issue, I guess it's probably going to be problematic unless you're both willing to compromise.

And yes, it's totally reasonable to expect to not be ignored for 3 days.

[bobtheenchantedone]

Oh man, if I got ignored for 3 days... The few times when I can't be with Marduk physically for more than a day, I almost always end up calling him. Went on a week-long trip last fall, meant to call him once or twice, ended up calling him at least once a day and talking for half an hour or more each time. But I'm also a little clingy and I know this.

Does your man know that you prefer daily contact? Have you discussed this with him and heard why he sometimes doesn't contact you?

[S.A.M.]

It depends on how significant the other is.
3 days of no contact, regardless of distance:
wife - I'm a dead man
fiance -I'm a dead man
serious relationship - I'm a dead man
dating - I'm just using you
One or two dates - Oh, hey! Squirrel!

If you are in any kind of relationship, he should at least text or call. He can't be that busy. Have you texted or called him in the last three days? If he is not responding, there may be an issue. If you haven't, maybe he is feeling the same way as you.

[Portia]

It's a "serious relationship," both physically and emotionally. In fact, the L-word came up just last weekend, from his end. (I dropped that ball gloriously early on and have regretted it ever since.)

Yes, I've texted but not called (as he has said he doesn't much like talking on the phone). I just don't like the constricting nature of relationships in general.

[Emiliana]

Yeah, if it's a serious relationship and he hasn't contacted you in three days ... I'd be a bit concerned. But maybe it's just a matter of differing expectations. Marx and I are both DAMN clingy. Even though we live together and see each other nearly every morning and every evening, we still generally text some throughout the day. But maybe that's not his style, and maybe the two of you just need to sort out how often it's reasonable for you to try to communicated.

[Craig Jessop]

Eh... don't worry about it. He's probably just busy. Buuuuut if you totally blew the L-word talk, USE IT SOON.

[S.A.M.]

Too busy to respond to a text for three days? Or are we at four days now?

Possible reasons that I would be cool with:
He's a Navy Seal on a covert mission.
He works for a secret government agency and can't blow his cover.
He's in a coma after a motorcycle accident.
He's in the hospital after falling out of a tree trying to save a kitten.
Alien abduction.
Flew to Montana to take care of an ailing Grandma.
He's actually a writer doing research for a board question.
His dog ate his phone.

So, casually text him inviting him to do something fun Friday night. If he is super busy with something, he should let you know. Only 3 miles? Just drop by with cookies, or pizza, or any food item.

[Craig Jessop]

No, don't drop by. That would make you look desperate.

Not responding to a text? Don't worry about it. He was busy when he got it, then forgot. It happens all the time. The reason he hasn't contacted you is because he has nothing to say (take that as you will).

I agree with inviting him to do something fun.

[S.A.M.]

If this wasn't a serious relationship, I would agree with C.J., you would look desperate. I guess it depends on what you consider a serious relationship. Exclusively dating for more than 3 months? Serious. Have keys to each others apartments? Serious. But yea, give him another chance to respond first.

[S.A.M.]

Ha, this reminded me of an Adam Ant song, "Desperate, but not Serious" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVWWtqa9-7M

[Portia]

If this wasn't a serious relationship, I would agree with C.J., you would look desperate. I guess it depends on what you consider a serious relationship. Exclusively dating for more than 3 months? Serious. Have keys to each others apartments? Serious. But yea, give him another chance to respond first.

It's been exactly three months. And he just responded! We'll see what happens.

[Portia]

THAT went well. #sarcasm

[Emiliana]

Oh dear. What happened?

[Portia]

An allegation that he was a "stand-in for [my] ex ... but in the end [he's] just a bad imitation." Followed by a 90-minute tirade on my end. Which was about the amount I had slept the night previous. I was really happy single. #deadpan face and voice

[Portia]

That Pinterest story about a single girl that lived

happily ever after & traveled around the world & met interesting people & learned new stuff & hooked up with some cute boys

is sounding just fine to me. I don't like living in a state* where my accomplishments, self-worth, and status are tied in with having a boyfriend. I don't like relationships! My new rules for myself are

a) I don't generally like wearing high heels and am not going to if I don't want to
b) Not going to date someone who isn't at full employment. Guys get too moody otherwise
c) I'm seriously considering dating outside the faith. For a number of reasons
d) I'm not expecting to get engaged or married anymore
e) If all the above fail, I'm totally throwing myself at my ex with whom I am still quite a bit in love
ETA e) The most important of all! No snobs.

*and that state is "being female," apparently.

[Portia]

c) I'm seriously considering dating outside the faith. For a number of reasons

And THAT conviction lasted what, a week?

man
how do you get involved with all of these marginally board-affiliated people?

I don't know, but there it is. It's my destiny. I now embrace it.