Neighbor dilemma

[krebscout]

Our downstairs neighbor is a single woman, probably around 30 or so, that we have very little interaction with. She smokes a lot of pot, smokes a lot of tobacco, and tends to play music at extreme, bass-thumping-through-the-floor volumes. I appreciate a good rock out, I do. And we're hardly quiet ourselves, especially with my children's tendency to stomp and jump and cry. The walls in this old place are thin. So out of mutual pardon, we never made a fuss about it until the past few weeks. (Although Sauron has complained separately to the manager about the smoke, which makes his sinuses go crazy and is not allowed.)

Sometimes her music can go on for hours. (On Valentine's Day, for example, it was literally for six hours straight.) And today, I just couldn't take it. My kids were trying to sleep, I had a headache and hoped to take a nap, everybody was after-church-grumpy. I went down to ask her to turn it down. I had to wait between songs so that she could hear my knock. She seemed pretty...put-out. We had a fairly diplomatic talk that included statements like, "I only do it during the day, I get to have a good time too, I just do my chores to some good music," and when I mentioned that I'm sure we're loud sometimes, she said that she understands that my kids are kids, but we were once so loud that a lamp fell "off her wall" and broke. I'm not sure what that means, exactly, but I apologized for it, and I'm going to work with my kids on being quieter. She did turn the music down a little.

Sauron has asked her once before to turn her music down, while he was studying, and she obliged. I'm now at the point where I feel like if we ever asked her to turn it down again, there would be some contention. She's probably not a big fan of us, either. I'm not sure what to do, and we're hardly blameless. Make her brownies and leave a note thanking her for her patience? Tell the landlord we need some freaking sound insulation in this place? What would you do?

[Squirrel]

This may be a pretty stupid idea, but it might work if the landlord doesn't do anything.
Go to the rest of the rest of the neighbors. You said she lives on the floor below you? You can't be the only one bothered by her- I think the sound would be louder for her next-door neighbors. They must be going crazy too! Rally the troops! Intense social pressure- go as a group- it'll make her feel waaaay uncomfortable, and get more results than if you all went separately. I'm not saying you have to be mean, just passive-aggressive- infuriatingly passive-aggressive.

If she continues to forget to be awesome, (DFTBA) then I'd head on over to Marshall's, Ross, or DI and get a cheap foam mattress pad- line the walls and windows with it. This would work a lot better if she were right next to you- I'm not sure how you can make it work- line the floor? But for the window it should really help, it'll just look weird.

That's all I've got so far.

Oh-- for the smoke- weatherstripping and a good quality air filter- splurge a little- see if it helps?

[Eirene]

At least in the state we live, if someone is using a rented property to commit illegal acts (like smoking pot), or if their behavior disturbs their neighbors' "peaceful enjoyment" of their rental (with the loud noise and smoking), the landlord can terminate the lease (or send a warning) at any time. I don't know if asking your landlord to step in is the BEST solution, but if talking to her isn't working, it's another thing to consider.

[UffishThought]

I think the brownies are a decent idea. If your only interaction is to complain (no matter how justified) she's going to be annoyed. There's a chance if you are very grateful for her patience with your own loudness, that she'll stop associating you with feeling guilty and start being more ready to help you out sometimes.

[Genuine Article]

Ask if she'd be willing to use headphones while she gets her chores done. Maybe even give her a pair. And if you do give her brownies, lace them with pot. Fun for her, no smoke for you.

[Marduk]

I'd up the brownies idea and say just invite her over to dinner sometime. It seems to me like she doesn't necessarily want to be obnoxious to you, and the fact that she's had little interaction with you has made it that much easier to keep doing what she wants. If the kids that are trying to sleep have faces (I mean, beyond perhaps sometimes seeing you cross the parking lot) she will probably be more likely to sympathize with you and turn the music down when it is really important.

I really don't believe in Robert Frost-style neighbors.

[Emiliana]

I really don't believe in Robert Frost-style neighbors.

In the "good fences make good neighbors" sense? The speaker of the poem "Mending Wall" actually seems to be saddened by his neighbor's repetition of that particular proverb:

I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
"Why do they make good neighbours? Isn't it
Where there are cows? But here there are no cows.
Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offence.

(Sorry to be pedantic. It's sort of one of my life goals to disabuse people about oft misrepresented Robert Frost quotes.]

[Marduk]

The speaker does, yes. But the neighbor doesn't, and that's what I was referring to. Sorry if that was ambiguous.

[Emiliana]

The speaker does, yes. But the neighbor doesn't, and that's what I was referring to. Sorry if that was ambiguous.

Oh good, glad that's cleared up.

[krebscout]

Thank you, guys, these are all good ideas. And I would love to line my floor with mattresses. Sauron and I are in disagreement on how to proceed...so we'll see if I can get the brownies/dinner thing going or not.

[Squirrel]

HAHAHAHA!