#78656 little anklebiters

[Portia]

I'm glad that the asker of the question recognizes that her mother and grandmother had issues being parents. I think the idea that ovaries secrete nurturing instincts can be harmful to us women who don't like babies and small children.

Is not liking kids a turn-off for Mormon men? =/

YES YES YES YES YES. I wish I had really accepted this before getting involved with them. It may be part cultural (even among the inactive ones), part biological (I think most people like babies and want them?), but I know that I have felt out of place at extended family parties with hordes of screaming young kids and trying to hide on a bench reading Forster.

... if I wasn't Mormon and didn't feel that societal pressure or understand the importance of children, or hadn't grown up and half-raised my younger siblings, I probably wouldn't have very many children, if at all.

Perhaps you have a better built-in social network for raising groundlings, but I do think that when praying about how many children to have the answer could be "zero." There are lots of situations where I thought that children would be better off not in the dysfunctional homes they're in, and I think that somewhere in the space between "disciplinarian" (which I think is fine, depending on the temperament of the kid) and "neglectful" is the space where you should do other things.

It can be useful to think, though, if you choose not to have kids, or can't, or are in a different stage of life, "how can I help the kids that are here already?" I enjoy volunteering with teenagers, working with kids in art museums, and attempt to have some kind of relationship with my kid sister.

I think that baby aversion is likely part biological (I don't see why there wouldn't be a genetic factor) and part social (hmm, is it any wonder I hate babies when I heard little positive from my mother about how having me "ruined her life?" Yeah ....). Don't let anyone brand you as "unrighteous" or "unfeminine" because of this. It's your body, your possibly-35-years-of-underemployment, and your possibly-emotionally-complex legacy, you know?

I don't think you necessarily shouldn't have kids, but I am SICK TO DEATH of the idea that having your own means hormones switching on to cuddly nurturing times. For a minority of women I think it's much more out of duty than a natural affinity that they get through early childhood at all.

But yeah, I would be up-front about your attitude with any LDS (or other child-mad) guys you date because the fallout can absolutely blow chunks.