meals after giving birth

[Carrapicho]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/78698/

I may step on some toes with my comments, but this question really irked me. First of all, how do you even find out that a ward you're moving into doesn't bring meals to families after new babies are born? Is that a normal question to ask before you move somewhere? It's just weird to find that out about a ward you haven't even moved into. Secondly, the attitude just seems very self-involved. It's a service, for crying out loud, and not something that should be expected. I had no meals whatsoever provided for me after the birth of my first baby--and I lived in Provo. In fact, when my RS President randomly called me about something else, she was surprised to learn that my baby was already a week old (and it's not like we hadn't told people, either). We then moved to another city in Utah County before my second was born, and after his birth, we had three meals provided, but it wasn't organized. Sisters I knew from our VT circle just randomly offered to bring something by later that day. Freeze some crock pot meals, send your husband for takeout, order in, or just have a sandwich, for crying out loud. No, it's not "totally unreasonable to think that it would be nice for the ward to provide some meals," but it sounds like you're expecting it and that's not right. Using the fact that you've done the same for others (in completely different wards) and expecting different people to do the same for you is very entitled. (/rant)

"How do I find a balance between helping myself and getting appropriate help from others?" Realize that agency is a thing! You can't expect to receive something from some people just because you've given the same thing to other people. Plan on making your own meals and feeding yourselves, and if help is offered, thank those giving it graciously and realize they went out of their way to help you. And then pay it forward once you're feeling up to it. Having a baby is difficult, yes, but stressing this far in advance about possibly not getting meals brought to you after your baby is born is...odd.

Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.

[Concorde]

You pretty much summed up everything I was thinking for that question. It seemed so... Entitled.

[Carrapicho]

You pretty much summed up everything I was thinking for that question. It seemed so... Entitled.

Glad I'm not the only one! I re-read it a couple times to see if it really said what I thought it said, and each time it just bothered me. Maven did a great job of answering, I thought!

[blpsara]

I don't comment very often, but ditto.

That sense of entitlement....goodness!

Also, just because you've provided service in the past doesn't mean that you're guaranteed to have the same services provided to you in the future.

[Whistler]

Eh, it didn't bother me too much. In my opinion there are so many unknowns with having a baby that it's so nice to have SOMETHING you can plan on, even if it's just "and then I'll pull out my freezer meal for dinner." I think it's okay to do service with an expectation that you'll get something in return too... I mean, isn't that part of being in a community?

After you've done service to help others, it's only reasonable to expect some help when you're down. I certainly feel "entitled" to church service for my child after having served in primary/nursery for several years, although granted that has a lot more structure built-in. But what if nursery wasn't a given in every ward? I'd feel a little put out if they didn't have one.

[Portia]

In France this is a state service and everything is better in France. When I get a fellowship to study out there maybe I'll reproduce.

[The Moo]

Glad to know I'm not alone. I was beginning to be afraid it was an age thing. I had four kids (including 2 c-sections) and never had a meal brought over at all. It didn't even cross my mind to expect it. There are lots of alternatives and plans that can be made way ahead of time.

[the anglophile]

I agree with OP! I saw this question and just thought it was so strange! You shouldn't just expect people to serve you. The members of the Church aren't your servants or personal chefs. It's okay to ask for help but to expect it just because they're also in your ward is a little ridiculous. My mom has really strong opinions about moving in this regard. She thinks that people shouldn't just expect free labor from their ward when they are moving into or out of a ward; rather, if they really need help, they should ask friends or family or their visiting or home teachers. You shouldn't just make a generalized cry to the ward for help.

(This isn't to say that service shouldn't be given or that people can't ask for help when it's really needed)

[vorpal blade]

Another question is “Where are we needed?” For 16 years I served in the presidency of the Houston Texas North Stake. Many moved to our area during those years. We would often receive a phone call announcing someone moving in and asking which was the best ward. Only once in 16 years did I receive a call asking, “Which ward needs a good family? Where can we help?”

When I heard this said in General Conference I realized I also had been guilty of thinking about moving into a ward on the basis of what the ward could do for me and my family.