Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe's modified Drake equation

[Laser Jock]

I'm glad we seem to be understanding each other better now. I think part of the problem could have stemmed from the fact that I hadn't previously tried to articulate my exact stance, so I wasn't being clear on the difference between the kind of thing Tristan was saying and what I want. I can easily see how my first statements would have come across the way you saw them. If you knew me in person it would have been easy to avoid misunderstanding (as Tao pointed out), but alas, that's not usually the case online.

Possibly part of the problem, too, is that I mixed this particular desire (good communication/conversation) with another, that of finding someone who is similar to me in many ways. I'd love to find someone who shares interests in what I'm passionate about (e.g., reading), and who has a temperament and intelligence similar to mine. (Though, if she were smarter than me and would agree to marry me anyway, I'd be happy with that too.) Fortunately, I've met a great many of these, and dated a couple of them (with good results), so I feel like this is more possible and reasonable than the types of criteria that Tristan used in his joking equation.

[vorpal blade]

I've probably overstated the case that living the gospel makes you a prime marriage candidate for just about anyone. There does seem to be a certain amount of “magic” involved, which makes real communication/conversation/love happen.

I've just been impressed over the years at how far the virtues gained by gospel living will take you. What makes a person the kind of person with whom you can have really meaningful and satisfying conversations? It might not be so much the things you have no control over, such as the genes you were born with that give you a certain amount of beauty and brains. I think you have to be talking to someone you trust and respect. You have to feel safe with that person, that they won't belittle your deepest held values and thoughts. That they will really understand you without judging you or condemning you. Good communication is important in a marriage so you can continue to grow in love and understanding. But good communication is also a sign that trust, love, respect, understanding, and compassion are present. If you can develop those Christian virtues your communication skills will be greatly enhanced.

Similar backgrounds, temperament, and world view also help communication, so it is a good measure of compatibility, as well as a possible indication of virtue.

I married a very smart person. I sometimes tell her, tongue in cheek, that I know she is very smart because she chose to marry me. So far she hasn't tried to contradict me. I think seriously, though, that it is her virtues that are more important in making a happy marriage.

Anyway, I'm glad we now understand each other. I have ever confidence in you that you will marry a really wonderful young lady.