Callings

[Unit of Energy]

In my ward we have a council system. We also get new callings every semester. Last semester I was on the council with the co-chair being the one person I have the hardest time getting along on the planet. This semester I'm on FHE, and he is the other group leader for my group. I'm not sure that I can deal working so closely with this young man on a one on one basis that will be required. I informed my council chair that I don't particularly get along with this young man, but at the same time I feel like telling her is shirking my responsibility. Like maybe I'm supposed to learn how to get along with him. But while I can be civil with him, I don't think that I can handle the stress of school, my calling, and dealing with him. So I guess I'm just wondering if I did the right thing letting my chair know that I don't really get along that well with him. Should I have just sucked it up for the semester?

[NerdGirl]

If it's that stressful, then no, you shouldn't just suck it up. If I were you, I probably would have talked to the bishop. I once had to ask a bishop to change my home teachers, because they had assigned me a home teacher who I had very briefly dated about three years before, and then he broke up with me and spread all kinds of rumors about various sexual escapades we were allegedly involved in (none of which were true). It was pretty awkward to tell my bishop about that, and I'm sure nothing bad would have happened if he had been my home teacher, but I felt extremely uncomfortable even being in the same room with him in sacrament meeting, let alone having him in my apartment. You don't necessarily have to learn to get along with everyone.

[vorpal blade]

I agree with NerdGirl.

[Katya]

Whenever I'm extended a calling, I'm always mentally prepared to tell them that I need a week to think about it, which would give me the time to sort out whether or not I felt I should accept the calling. (My issues are generally health related, although I did once happily fire my home teachers.) In practice, I've never had to ask for that week, because I usually know right away if something will work or if it won't. Regardless, I agree with NerdGirl. There are times to suck it up and try to learn to work with people, but you've already put in a semester with this guy and it sounds like you need a break.

[Dead Cat]

I don't really have much to contribute here, but I thought this Divine Comedy sketch relates...somewhat.

[Sky Bones]

I agree with the general consensus. You don't have to (try to) get along with everyone. There are certain people that you should just distance yourself from before things get ugly. If it's getting you this worked up then I think you should talk to your bishop and ask for a different calling/FHE arrangement.

[Unit of Energy]

I've talked to a few people that are over FHE, and after a lot of thought and prayer have decided that I should probably try to stick it out for awhile. Tonight was the first FHE and it turned out just fine. I'm not sure that it will last, but in all honesty the young man has a lot going for him, I just have personality clashes with him on occasion. More than with most people. But it should work out in the end.

[vorpal blade]

Be careful, Unit of Energy. I've known a number of young women who at first couldn't stand the men they later decided they really liked. Each woman ended up marrying the man that she at first couldn't stand.

The rest of the story is that after a few years of marriage they couldn't stand them again and got divorced.

I'm not sure if I'm serious or not in this advice.

[Unit of Energy]

I don't think that there is any danger of a marriage happening here. I have despised, liked, tolerated and accepted him in the past four years, but any romantic interest is not likely. And my roommates will be there to tell me what they think too.

[TheAnswerIs42]

I think Vorpal is confusing real life with chick flicks.

[Dragon Lady]

I think Vorpal is confusing real life with chick flicks.

My mom had a friend that came home from a dance one night in tears. Her mom asked what was wrong to which the girl replied, "I met the man I'm going to marry tonight and I don't like him!" She later changed her mind about not liking him, fell in love, and they got married. To contradict Vorpal's point, they're still married, decades later, and continue to be happy. And she still likes him.

[vorpal blade]

Very funny TheAnswerIs42. Actually, it did make me laugh out loud.

But I'm a little confused here by your statement. I agree that it seems that frequently in chick flicks the girl at first can't stand the guy, but eventually the guy's persistence pays off and the much desired young woman decides that she was mistaken about him. So they get married and live happily ever after. What about the part where she later decides, "you know what? I was right in the first place. He really is a creep." I don't see that happening in the chick flicks. For that matter, I don't see it happening in any movies.

[vorpal blade]

I think Vorpal is confusing real life with chick flicks.

My mom had a friend that came home from a dance one night in tears. Her mom asked what was wrong to which the girl replied, "I met the man I'm going to marry tonight and I don't like him!" She later changed her mind about not liking him, fell in love, and they got married. To contradict Vorpal's point, they're still married, decades later, and continue to be happy. And she still likes him.

Now, that is a chick flick story! That's the kind of stories I like to watch in a movie or hear about.

[Craig Jessop]

Be careful, Unit of Energy. I've known a number of young women who at first couldn't stand the men they later decided they really liked.

True story: an elder and sister from my mission hated each other so bad that one had to be transferred away. Now they're going to get married (she doesn't have a ring, but they've decided... I'll let you decide if that's engaged or not). When the mission president found out he said, and I quote, "wow... I've known other couples who I thought would never work out that did..."

[vorpal blade]

My mom had a friend that came home from a dance one night in tears. Her mom asked what was wrong to which the girl replied, "I met the man I'm going to marry tonight and I don't like him!"

I've been thinking about this story, and I keep asking myself, "Why in the world would she say that she just met the man she is going to marry if she didn't like him?" Did he tell her that he was going to marry her, and she believed him, but didn't like him? Did she have a prompting of the Spirit, but was fighting it? What caused her to think she would eventually marry him? I vaguely recall hearing similar stories, but I've never understood exactly what was going on in their heads. Or is this a case of an anachronism; she later knew she was going to marry him so she retro-actively put that thought into her memory of the first time she met him?

So, Dragon Lady, if you can help me figure out this mystery I would appreciate it.

[Dragon Lady]

From what I understand, it's was a spiritual prompting that she did not agree with. At All.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't an anachronism, since my mom was friends with her at the time.

[vorpal blade]

Thanks, Dragon Lady.

[krebscout]

What about the part where she later decides, "you know what? I was right in the first place. He really is a creep." I don't see that happening in the chick flicks. For that matter, I don't see it happening in any movies.

There aren't very many movies at all that go from courtship, through a wedding, and into marriage and domestic life. Shrek does it over the course of a series. Life is Beautiful kinda takes you there. Parenthood kinda has the scenario you're talking about with the Rick Moranis character.

Chick flicks in general end when the protagonists get together. I would love to see some films take a look at the later years.

[vorpal blade]

Chick flicks in general end when the protagonists get together. I would love to see some films take a look at the later years.

I wonder if the same could be said for literature in general. The story of the romance, and how they finally found each other, seems to end at the altar. It is as though there is nothing interesting to tell after that. There are some exceptions, but in general it is as though married life is too boring to write about. The climax of life seems to be the big day when the woman gets to be a princess and have a lavish wedding. According to the literature.

I haven't seen the movie parenthood.

On a separate sidetrack, I wonder what percentage of men or women knew from the very first time they met the person they later married, that they had just met the person they were going to marry? Does this happen a lot? Should someone be worried that they haven't met the right person because they didn't have that spiritual impression upon meeting someone?

And, what percentage of men or women knew that they could never marry a person they just met, but later changed their minds and married them?

[Dragon Lady]

On a separate sidetrack, I wonder what percentage of men or women knew from the very first time they met the person they later married, that they had just met the person they were going to marry? Does this happen a lot? Should someone be worried that they haven't met the right person because they didn't have that spiritual impression upon meeting someone?

I would say very, very few. It's a very rare exception.