Should I go to the singles' ward or the family ward?

[NerdGirl]

Okay, here's the deal and I would like some opinions. I am 28 (almost 29). I'm single. I'm moving to Calgary in about a month for med school. I already have a PhD, so I've been in school for a really long time and am probably kind of a nerd. I haven't been on a date since 2007 (you can find that horror story in one of my posts on here). I went to singles' wards for the first 5 years I was in Provo, then I just couldn't stand it anymore and started going to a family ward. What bothered me about singles' wards in Utah was both the cliquishness and the fact that people were moving in and out all the time and the bishopric was changing all the time so I never really felt like I was in a unified community of worshippers (which maybe most people don't feel like at church, but I felt more that way in the family ward I started going to). The last 4 years I went to a small singles' branch in Nova Scotia, which was completely different from all the singles' wards I had been to in the past. It was small, it was very multicultural, it was a mixture of new converts and people who had grown up in the church, but the people who had grown up in the church were mostly all related to each other, so there wasn't really a ton of pressure to date and get married. Not that I'm anti dating and marriage. I would like very much to do both of those things, but only if there are guys that I am interested in. I'm quite happy to stay single until I find someone I actually want to be with. I enjoy my life and I'm not in a hurry. Another thing about my last singles' branch was that I was the oldest person in it by about 4 years.

So here's the question. I have never actually been to a singles' ward in Alberta, but from what I have heard they are much like Utah and some of the things that bothered me about Utah singles' wards may actually be worse here. Really I just want to be somewhere that I will feel welcome (I have had some issues in family wards with people telling me I should go to the singles' ward and feeling uncomfortable around me because I'm single), but I also don't want to cut myself off from any possible dating opportunities. But I also wonder if there will even be anyone in my age range in Calgary singles' wards. I have a couple of friends from Nova Scotia who have moved to Calgary, but I think they are in different wards than the ward I would be in, and they are pretty young (20-22) and they say that most of the people are around their age. I know that I can also go to institute and things like that to meet people, but I'm not going to go to institute if it sucks. It was awesome in Nova Scotia, but I don't have high hopes for it out here. I'll check it out, though. I also don't even know if it's going to be at a time that fits into my schedule regularly, because med school is not nearly as flexible as sitting at home writing a thesis for 2 years. I do plan on checking out both wards before I decide, but it's not always possible to get a really good sense of a ward by just going once. My mom has an older single friend who's in the family ward that I would be in (older as in over 60, not my age), and she says she needs to call her about something soon so she'll ask her what the family ward is like. But I value all of you people's opinions on things like this, so what do you guys think? Any thoughts, opinions, stories, etc are welcome.

[Whistler]

Well, it sounds like you're going to give your singles' ward a chance, which is what I think you should do. Here's my logic: many people meet who they'll marry through friend/acquaintance networks, myself included. Maybe there won't be any guys you're interested in in the singles' ward, but maybe someone there will have a relative or friend who is someone you're interested in.

[Katya]

I do plan on checking out both wards before I decide, but it's not always possible to get a really good sense of a ward by just going once.

My suggestion: Attend the YSA ward for a month, then switch to the family ward if you don't like the vibe. (There's no reason you have to have your records transferred right away, unless you need a temple recommend renewed, or something.)

Also, is there a YSA ward in the area that has an older population? I'd expect that the wards right by the university would have the youngest population, so if the wards farther away are naturally older because they're full of grad students or young professionals, I'd find a way to attend one of those wards.

[chillygator]

I go to a family ward (though I'm still young enough for a single's ward) and I LOVE it. All the babies! Plus, single people like hanging out with other single people so they aren't terribly interested in watching their friends get married and leave them (broad generalization, of course, though in my singles ward when one guy proposed to his girlfriend, like 10 more guys would immediately propose within the next couple of weeks -- has anyone else seen that happen?), while married people want everyone to be married and so they are always trying to line everyone up. I've had more blind dates and offers for blind dates since I've moved to the family ward.... It's been funny.

Also awesome about a family ward, none of the pressure to always look hot Just In Case (o:

[NerdGirl]

Thanks, guys. Katya, my temple recommend doesn't expire for about 14 months, so I really don't have to transfer my records right away. And with the way the ward times are, I might even be able to go to both for a while. I do live close(ish) to the university, but my neighborhood is a bit nicer (ie more expensive) than the places where a lot of undergrads live (and it's full of med students/grad students/young professionals), so maybe that will help the age thing a bit. It's not that I'm opposed to dating younger guys (I probably wouldn't date an 18 year old, but I would date someone who was 24 or thereabouts), but a lot of guys just seem to not want to date older girls. I've actually had younger guys come right out and tell me that if I were 6 or 8 years younger, they would ask me out.

But I like the idea of just checking things out. Whistler, that's a good point about meeting people through other people. I know someone who met her husband when she was on a date with a guy that she wasn't super interested in, but just had a feeling she should say yes to. And chilly, that's interesting and hopeful about you getting set up on blind dates in a family ward.

Like I said, I'm not in any big hurry to get married, but I've just been having this feeling that I shouldn't give up on the dating scene right now. Maybe my liberal feminist Mormon soulmate is lurking out there in Calgary somewhere. ;p

[Katya]

It's not that I'm opposed to dating younger guys (I probably wouldn't date an 18 year old, but I would date someone who was 24 or thereabouts), but a lot of guys just seem to not want to date older girls.

Yeah, that's a whole issue in and of itself.