Baby names

[Dragon Lady]

So, I'm more and more convinced that the hardest part about choosing a name for a baby isn't so much choosing a name (and narrowing it down to one) that both you and your spouse like (which, btw, is hard), but rather, dealing with everyone else (particularly family) when they hear the name. Little sisters are bound to say something like, "No! You can't use that name! I'm going to use that name!" And it's no use explaining that by the time they grow up more they might change their mind, and when they get married, they'll have to convince a spouse. And really, there should be some benefit to being the first (and only) one married and having kids. Since our kids won't have any cousins near their age on this side of the family, they should at least get the consolation prize of having first choice in names, right? And then there's the outrage if you decide on a name, then change your mind.

Who knew that peer pressure started before you were even born? Except, it's directed at the parents.

[TheAnswerIs42]

Yeah, and each time I think "we just won't tell anyone until the baby is born", but when almost everyone you know goes for "so, have you thought of any names yet?" as their small talk starter, you end up caving. I haven't had the sort of backlash you are describing, thank heavens - I am the last to be having kids on my side of the family, and the other side has a very wide range of name styles they go for. (One family has really odd names, another one picks really old fashioned names, etc. Out of the 24 cousins that our baby will have on that side, I can only think of 3-4 names I would have been okay with naming one of my kids.)

My main problem right now is that we had a name pop up that we both like a lot, and I keep thinking that I really should look through the books and debate it more. It can't be this easy! Previous names took hours and hours of combing books. The odd part is that it is a name that my husband suggested with the last one and I shot him down right away, but this time I like the name. I can't decide if I just changed my mind, or if it means this name is right for this girl but not for our last one.

[krebscout]

Yeah, and each time I think "we just won't tell anyone until the baby is born", but when almost everyone you know goes for "so, have you thought of any names yet?" as their small talk starter, you end up caving.

We did it! I just tell people that my husband doesn't want to tell, which was true, or that we had not decided yet, which was also true, and then our name ends up being secret until the end. At least this was true for our daughter - I'd been telling people that I liked my son's name since Sauron was on his mission.

[Dead Cat]

Back when we got Brother Cat 1, I wanted to name him because my sister got to name me. Mom ended up doing it, and I grudgingly went along with it because he was the only boy, he got a meaningful name, blah blah blah. Couple years later, we get Brother Cat 2, I was very adamant about naming him. Since the name I wanted just happened to be the same name as my uncle, I didn't get I name him either. Which stunk, but I've gotten over it.

[Imogen]

my best friend and her husband wanted a boy so badly and had picked a name and run it by me (i make sure the name can't be used for teasing fodder like mine was when i was a kid). and then they found out they were having a girl. and they only liked one name for a girl. so it worked out, but we were all pretty bummed we couldn't use the cool boy's name.

[Craig Jessop]

My parents just didn't tell people what the gender would be, nor the names they were considering. They found out the gender, but they wouldn't even tell the kids. They used some ridiculous name when people pressed them, and when talking to us. I'm still kinda bitter, especially since my in-utero name was "Otis." However, Giovanni's was "Wilma," so I count my blessings.

[Dragon Lady]

My parents just didn't tell people what the gender would be, nor the names they were considering. They found out the gender, but they wouldn't even tell the kids. They used some ridiculous name when people pressed them, and when talking to us. I'm still kinda bitter, especially since my in-utero name was "Otis." However, Giovanni's was "Wilma," so I count my blessings.

We talked about doing that, actually. Whenever pressed, we'd just use names we've read in books. It'd probably largely be characters in Wheel of Time and Brandon Sanderson books, since that's what we've read most recently.

On a side note, we got a minivan recently and I've been trying to name it. But it's hard to come up with a kid's name and a car name at the same time. Because in past, I've used real names for my car. And I don't want to name my car only to later decide I want to name a child that. That'd be awkward. So then I thought I could use names from books for my car, because I was pretty sure I wouldn't use those for my kids. My current favorite is to name my minivan Vin. Because, I mean, really. How awesome would it be to name a car Vin?

[Dead Cat]

I second Vin the Minivan. Also, somewhat on topic, there was a baby named Kaladin at the Alloy of Law release party.

[bobtheenchantedone]

My mother had ideas for names for her last three baby girls YEARS before those girls existed. She would refer to them by these names as soon as she knew they were girls. By accident. Thereby letting my father, who hadn't wanted to know the sex beforehand, that she was having a girl.

I have only one rule for naming: nothing from any stories I have written. "Mommy, why am named after your bad guy?" is not a question I want to answer.

[Defy V]

So, I'm more and more convinced that the hardest part about choosing a name for a baby isn't so much choosing a name (and narrowing it down to one) that both you and your spouse like (which, btw, is hard), but rather, dealing with everyone else (particularly family) when they hear the name. Little sisters are bound to say something like, "No! You can't use that name! I'm going to use that name!" And it's no use explaining that by the time they grow up more they might change their mind, and when they get married, they'll have to convince a spouse. And really, there should be some benefit to being the first (and only) one married and having kids. Since our kids won't have any cousins near their age on this side of the family, they should at least get the consolation prize of having first choice in names, right? And then there's the outrage if you decide on a name, then change your mind.

Who knew that peer pressure started before you were even born? Except, it's directed at the parents.

This scares me. It's really hard for my husband and me to decide on names we both like. Actually, since our conversations about this occur when we're too tired to care, it's hard for either of us to decide on names we like at all. Lil' Tablecloth better hope we come up with a real name for him/her soon.

I will admit, I was kind of mad when my aunt and uncle named their little girl what they did this past March, because they "stole" 2 of my favorite names. But I tried to be mature and not mention my dismay.

[Katya]

OK, so here's a question. How close a relative does it have to be for you to feel that they've "stolen" your name (i.e., because your kids and their kids can't have the same name)? I can see the argument that cousins shouldn't have the same name (although I can think of reasonable exceptions), but I'm surprised that Defy V would care about 1st cousins once removed having the same name (unless the two families are likely to spend a lot of time together).

Or is the argument against stealing names something else besides family confusion?

[Dragon Lady]

For us it's mostly family confusion. I'd rather first cousins not have the same name, just to make it easier on grandparents, cousins, etc. Same reason why Yellow won't let me name a son with his first name. He doesn't want to deal with the confusion of when the phone rings, "Hi, is Yellow there?" "Sure, which one?" I mean, there's been enough confusion with Dragon Baby, since her name, though very unique, is the same as my best friend's nickname. Though, in that case, most people just stopped calling the friend by her nickname. (Granted, most people who actually used it on a regular basis don't actually see her anymore, ever since she got married and moved away.)

One of the names we're considering is also the name of one of Yellow's cousin's daughters. So the two girls will be second cousins. Sure, we see them once every month or two at family gatherings, but I have a hard time believing that's going to last forever (the family gatherings happening that often) and I highly doubt we'll end up spending time together on our own. We're just not that close. So I have no problem "stealing" their name. There might be a little bit of confusion here and there, but not often enough to make me care.

[Eirene]

I've wanted to name a son Max for a long time, but when I was in high school my parents got a dog and named him (you guessed it) Max. If I ever named my son that, I would NEVER live it down. I do kind of want to name my future kids after my (and their future dad's) parents, though.

[C is for]

Ooh, there's a girl I know who's naming her baby after their childhood dog. Our family couldn't believe it when we saw it on Facebook, but confirmed it with the girl's mom, who...can't believe it either.

[Defy V]

OK, so here's a question. How close a relative does it have to be for you to feel that they've "stolen" your name (i.e., because your kids and their kids can't have the same name)? I can see the argument that cousins shouldn't have the same name (although I can think of reasonable exceptions), but I'm surprised that Defy V would care about 1st cousins once removed having the same name (unless the two families are likely to spend a lot of time together).

Or is the argument against stealing names something else besides family confusion?

Well, my aunt and uncle are about my age (funny how that works sometimes in big Mormon families), so we're pretty good friends and would probably do stuff together quite a bit. There's definitely a precedent of reusing names in my family, so I don't think they would have an issue with it. I think my issue with reusing a name is that I would feel like I hadn't tried hard enough to find another name I liked and just had to go with one that was taken. It's kind of an irrational issue, and I don't know that I will care as much as time goes on.

[TheAnswerIs42]

I know a lot of people who don't care about reusing names. Unfortunately, In my family it is actually a really big problem by marriage. (Meaning, two of my brothers married a woman with the same first name as our mother. And my husband has a sister with that exact same name, making four in our immediate families named the same thing. And my husband and I both have a brother with the same name. I can think of three other repeats in our families.) So for us, it is a big deal - NO REPEAT NAMES.

But my Dad's family has a tradition of naming every other generation Thomas. So every other generation there are a few cousins with the same name, and somehow that never bugged anyone.

[Katya]

OK, so here's a question. How close a relative does it have to be for you to feel that they've "stolen" your name (i.e., because your kids and their kids can't have the same name)? I can see the argument that cousins shouldn't have the same name (although I can think of reasonable exceptions), but I'm surprised that Defy V would care about 1st cousins once removed having the same name (unless the two families are likely to spend a lot of time together).

Or is the argument against stealing names something else besides family confusion?

Well, my aunt and uncle are about my age (funny how that works sometimes in big Mormon families), so we're pretty good friends and would probably do stuff together quite a bit. There's definitely a precedent of reusing names in my family, so I don't think they would have an issue with it. I think my issue with reusing a name is that I would feel like I hadn't tried hard enough to find another name I liked and just had to go with one that was taken. It's kind of an irrational issue, and I don't know that I will care as much as time goes on.

I wondered if there might be a creativity aspect to it. I suppose that stealing someone's child's highly unique name would set up a different dynamic from stealing someone's child's fairly common name.

[Dead Cat]

My sister's in-laws have a tradition to use two of three names for the first boy. What names they use in general life can be interesting.
I used to think that it was weird that I have five relatives who all have the same name as either first or middle names, until I realized that there are eight blood-related people in my family with the same middle name (and one uses it as a first name and it's part of the first name of two more).

[Dragon Lady]

I have zero problem reusing middle names. Heck, I don't even know half of the middle names of my relatives. We joked once about using Dragon Baby's middle name as Dragon Baby 2.0's first name. But that's pushing the limit a little too far.

Also, the oldest son's oldest son has had the same first name for generations. My great-grandpa, grandpa, dad, brother, nephew. But in good news, it's one of those names that have several nicknames. So we all called them by different names when they were living. (My brother decided to change from a nickname to the real name on his mission, so he and my grandpa overlapped with the same name for a few years, but it took that long for everyone else to make the change.) My nephew, however, just goes by his middle name.

[Rifka]

Also, the oldest son's oldest son has had the same first name for generations. My great-grandpa, grandpa, dad, brother, nephew.

Someday someone's going to be screaming curses as they try to trace your family's genealogy!