Kindergarteners, cuss words, and racial tensions

[Emiliana]

I work in an inner-city school district as a substitute and recently got hired on as a full-time aide in a kindergarten class. This is not my life's dream, or anything, but it's nice to have some stability and stay with the same kids for awhile. Anyway, I had a situation come up yesterday that I didn't know how to deal with. A group of students were sitting with me doing reading, and one of them observed, "Hey, it's all n*****s at this table!"

Now, cussing doesn't really bother me much. (Unless the language is specifically designed to hurt someone, such as calling someone a bitch, in which case the kid goes straight to the principal. But most of the time, in my opinion, the only thing wrong with cussing is that it's socially inappropriate.) Usually when one of my students uses a cuss word I handle it in one of two ways: If the kid knows better but is doing it to get a rise out of someone (you can pretty much always tell by the tone), I tell them, "Don't bring that word to school anymore." Then they look sheepish and we all move on with our lives. If it's a little kid who's just repeating what they've heard from the TV/mom and dad/big brother or sister, I pull them aside and say, "I'm not sure where you heard that word, but it's not one that we use at school, okay?"* And we all move on with our lives.

But, well, THAT word is a bit different. I can imagine circumstances where I might use pretty much any other word in the English language, but not that one. Ever, ever, ever. And the racial tensions in the neighborhood where I work are still VERY real. How do you communicate to a kindergartener why it's not good to say that?




*For instance, I once had a six year old take a step back from her painting and announce with a big, sweet smile, "Damn, that looks good!" I had a really hard time keeping a straight face when that happened.

[C is for]

Were all the kids black, including the speaker? I've heard that black people use that word without censure. (Okay, Imogen, you gotta tell me if I'm all wrong here.) You still might want to address it, though? Not sure.

[Marduk]

Remember that these are very young children. It is unlikely (although you have to feel that situation out for yourself) that the child is intending it in a derogatory way. However, they need to know at least in part some of the connotations that these words have.

Were this to happen if I were teaching the class, I might pull that student aside, ask them why they used that word, and if it seemed as though they were innocent as to the connotations, I might tell them something like, "that's not a nice name to call anyone. It hurts a lot of people's feelings. I don't want to hear you use it ever again."

The specifics aside, all racial slurs are on equal footing in my book. I don't see cause to say any of them except as an academic exercise.

[Marduk]

In semi-related news, here's this: http://news.yahoo.com/low-iq-conservati ... 03506.html

[TheBlackSheep]

Oh man, this takes me back.

If I was going to have this conversation (again), I hope it would go something like this. In the moment, I would pull the kid aside. Kindergarteners aren't that young, and they are aware of the tensions around them. Obviously their awareness isn't to the same level as an adult's, but they are aware. So I'd tell the kid that that isn't school language because it often makes people feel angry, sad, etc. And if the kid asks why, I'd just say that some people use that word to make people with brown skin feel as though they aren't as good as other people, and that isn't true and we never, ever want to make people feel that way because it can cause them a lot of pain.

If I didn't have the talk in the moment, though, I wouldn't do anything now, at least unless it happens again. Well, I wouldn't do anything direct now. I might start positive, age-appropriate discussions at appropriate times. One of my favorite ways to do this was through a book called The Colors of Us by Karen Katz. The kindergarten-aged kids loved to compare their skin tones to the ones in the book, saying, "I'm the color of cinnamon, and you're like warm butterscotch!" And then we would talk about how many cool colors there were, and how all the characters in the book all had people they cared about and cool interests and feelings. Those are some of my fondest memories of working at rehab.

[Imogen]

Were all the kids black, including the speaker? I've heard that black people use that word without censure. (Okay, Imogen, you gotta tell me if I'm all wrong here.) You still might want to address it, though? Not sure.

Token time!

Black people do tend to use that word without thought, but i hate it and think it is a disgusting word, and i try not to use it unless i'm making some kind of point about the type of person i'm referring to because i associate that word with the lowest of the low.

i'd say handle it the way you usually do: just say that word may be ok to use at home, but not to use it at school because it may hurt people's feelings. don't make it a long, drawn out thing.

[Emiliana]

Thanks for the input, y'all. I haven't heard that word again since, but I feel a bit better equipped to deal with it should the issue arise.

I really love my job most of the time, but it can be really depressing seeing how racial and economic factors affect these kids from such a young age. Sigh.