Dating

[Giovanni Schwartz]

On behalf of a friend:

How do you feel about guys dating someone older than them? How much older is too older? I've got a buddy that has a crush on this girl who's probably... 27? And one of my friends has been hanging out with her. A lot. But he's shy, and scared to make the next step, and not sure if he'll be judged. I'm telling him to go for it (she's REALLY cool, and if he doesn't ask her out, I might), but he's not sure what others will think.

This totally sounds like I'm saying it about myself. But I'm really not. I would totally ask a girl older than me out.

[yayfulness]

I personally wouldn't do it because I just find the idea of dating someone who's more than a year or so older than me to be weird. (I don't really know why.) But as long as your friend is in his early 20s and not his late teens, I'd say go for it.

[Katya]

How much older is too older?

Too much older is when the difference in maturity / life experience / stage in life makes the relationship unbalanced or unsustainable, which depends entirely on the two individuals involved. (In other words, give it a shot.)

[Zedability]

Half plus seven rule, either way. Seriously, as far as stage-in-life goes, it's a pretty good ballpark. I know couples where the woman is up to five years older without it being noteworthy; more than that, it gets a bit weird for some people, but as long as the relationship seems good and not based on one of them being really wealthy or attractive or whatever, it's not really an issue in my opinion.

[C is for]

I personally wouldn't do it because I just find the idea of dating someone who's more than a year or so older than me to be weird. (I don't really know why.)

if anyone was wondering why I didn't fill out yay's dating application

Oops I worked on my post too long and Katya said about the right thing.

Just remember that one date does not a relationship require.

[yayfulness]

How much older is too older?

Too much older is when the difference in maturity / life experience / stage in life makes the relationship unbalanced or unsustainable, which depends entirely on the two individuals involved. (In other words, give it a shot.)

And I think that may be part of the reason I sometimes feel uncomfortable around girls who are several years older than me. I'm only halfway through college and still not exactly sure what I'm going to do with my life (or even when I graduate) and working a low-wage job to keep myself alive through school. Girls my age who haven't served missions are graduating right now. Girls who are older than me have already graduated and are in graduate school or working or doing whatever graduated people do. Add that to my natural inferiority complex, and the fact that I've barely had any friends who were older than me in my entire life (and I have no older siblings), and you get a very uncomfortable yayfulness.

That said, if a girl who was older than me by a couple years were to ask me out (or submit a dating application, which I figure is basically the same thing), I probably wouldn't hold her age against her. I just don't usually go out of my way to make friends who are much older than me, male or female.

[Zedability]

I don't get along well with younger guys. Even El Corazón Sólo is less than a month younger than me, despite his freshmanliness. In fact, I almost always prefer hanging out with older people when I can.

[Giovanni Schwartz]

me too! That's why I need to date girls that are older than me.

[UffishThought]

I always thought I preferred older guys, but my last three boyfriends have been younger (2 weeks, 2 months, a year) than me. So I've stopped being weirded out by minor age differences.

And speaking as a 27 year old female in a ward where I'm in the oldest handful of people, I can say that I've been interested in guys up to 6 years younger than I am. But the couple of cases where I put in any effort didn't work out, and that stage-in-life/maturity barrier seems to loom larger and larger. I love the house I'm in, but when my contract here is up, I'm finally going to move out. The BYU area really isn't my social scene anymore.

But definitely go ahead and give it a shot. The woman may be open to younger relationships, or, like me, she may get sold on them by an awesome younger man.

[Portia]

I like younger (21-23), though I end up dating older (26-29). He should go for it.

[Giovanni Schwartz]

That's totally what I told him.

[Craig Jessop]

On behalf of a friend:

How do you feel about guys dating someone older than them? How much older is too older? I've got a buddy that has a crush on this girl who's probably... 27? And one of my friends has been hanging out with her. A lot. But he's shy, and scared to make the next step, and not sure if he'll be judged. I'm telling him to go for it (she's REALLY cool, and if he doesn't ask her out, I might), but he's not sure what others will think.

This totally sounds like I'm saying it about myself. But I'm really not. I would totally ask a girl older than me out.

Who and who? Is it the vegetable and our cousin's roommate? Cuz that doesn't make any sense. He shouldn't go for her if that's the case.

Is it the redhead? With the other redhead?

[Giovanni Schwartz]

Eww none of the above. The vegetable is getting married to the younger egg in April (if we're talking about the same people). The redhead is a confirmed bachelor, and we're trying to hook the other younger redhead up with another guy, while the older redhead (whose head isn't really red) watches as her blonde friend gets flirted with awkwardly by the shy, quiet guy who is the one in the question. Apparently, at one point, the blonde one was thinking about becoming our cousin's roommate in law (roommate of our cousin's ex-roommate, the noxious weed?), but then I guess that fell through.

But I still am not sure that we're talking about the same vegetable. Are we?

[UffishThought]

For a second I thought I could be one of these redheads--I'm 27 and my roommate is another redhead. But I think that's not the case based on the context.

And the fact that the only men I see these days are my ex-roommate's boyfriend and Genuine's little brother, and both of those are strictly off-limits.

[C is for]

Couldn't you guys just Facebook about this?

Wait, no. Not Facebook. (*glares at Craig*)

You guys are probably not talking about the same vegetable.

[Giovanni Schwartz]

I know right? And he doesn't have any other internet way to communicate, either!

[yayfulness]

I think the potato made a really foolish choice, because he apparently fell in with the wrong crowd of carrots and now he's dating the tall person's roommate. Unless you're talking about the other one, in which case he's got a huge crush on the eagle, but she's busy trying to catch the attention of the impressionist painting who never talks to anybody. It's all a big mess, but Curious George seems to be having fun, since he's always seemed to enjoy this kind of drama with his roommates and doesn't really care if the potato gets mashed or not.

[Giovanni Schwartz]

I suddenly feel like I'm involved in a really bad real life crossword puzzle.

[krebscout]

and doesn't really care if the potato gets mashed or not.

...that's what she said?

[Giovanni Schwartz]

I was told that joke became lame while I was on my mission, and I wasn't allowed to say it anymore. Is this not true?