alcoholic friend: happy update!

[Portia]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/72726/

I took a more pro-active approach than was suggested, at the urging of my boyfriend and my own conscience. It was getting even worse as his work situation became more stressful. I told him that I wad extremely worried for his health, that I knew whereof I spoke because TWO of my grandma's uncles died of alcoholism (one drowned while boating).

He finally listened, and has been sober for a week. He told me he "didn't need it."

:)

And the news which makes me most giddy? He got furloughed, so he's leaving the East. Silicon Valley is high on his list (as is playing the field of California girls), but he's also seriously pursuing a job in the best city on earth, Salt Lake! Being able to see him again would make me so happy.

Also -- shocking twist! -- he's the one and same man which caused such a brouhaha about benevolent sexism and what kind of girl I am or am not. We finally had a DTR of sorts which I think was very healthy. We were able to finally confess that we were more than just a fling at the time and I was able to apologize for my various dissimulations at the time ( last summer was very complicated, dating-wise) and he apologized for once calling me a bitch.

We concluded that we want different things in life right now and he is happy I've found someone who is a good fit for me. (I met my current boyfriend AFTER the mess of my mom's death and all three guys had moved to the East Coast, thankfully.)

[blpsara]

It always makes my heart content to hear happy updates. I'm glad your friend is in a much better place, and that your friendship is in a better place too, it sounds like.

[TheBlackSheep]

This is going to make me sound like such a jerk. Portia, I'm happy for you and for your friend, but for your own sake, please don't get too excited about a week of sobriety. And by "too excited" I mean "excited." A week of sobriety is a big accomplishment, a HUGE accomplishment, but it only means you can white-knuckle your way through a week. Many addicts report feeling the way that your friend feels at the end of one week, and the vast majority of them relapse.

[Portia]

This is going to make me sound like such a jerk. Portia, I'm happy for you and for your friend, but for your own sake, please don't get too excited about a week of sobriety. And by "too excited" I mean "excited." A week of sobriety is a big accomplishment, a HUGE accomplishment, but it only means you can white-knuckle your way through a week. Many addicts report feeling the way that your friend feels at the end of one week, and the vast majority of them relapse.

That's fair. (I don't think you're a jerk, for the record, even when we disagree.)

Is there a hard line where someone is an addict, or is it a matter or degrees?

[TheBlackSheep]

That is a wonderful and very complicated question. AA says that no outside observer can tell the heavy substance abuser from the addict, though their behaviors may be incredibly similar. The only difference is whether they can actually stop using, and whether they were ever really able to stop using. The literature suggests that there is some sort of genetic predisposition to addiction, where brain chemistry is all the messed up, but the literature also suggests that acute stress is necessary for the brain to become addicted. Sooooooooo... nobody knows, exactly. But if one ever gets to the point where they wonder if they should cut back on their drinking/using, they probably have at least a little bit of a problem with inappropriate drug use, even if they are not addicted.

[Portia]

TBS knows her s***, yo. I feel like an idiot, but whatever.

I actually have nearly no memory of this event? When did we have this DTR? How d*** many DTRs can one couple who has never dated have?

The Mormons might have a secret right here. Just don't even go there. Especially if you're Irish.