Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

There's this mentality in Mormon culture that requires people to bring up the possibility of marriage to parties in a relationship, even when said parties have only been dating for a short time.

And to be honest, I hate it.

My mom, within a month of me dating my SO, was already talking to me about wedding stuff. When my SO and I went to a family dinner the other week, my uncle asked us in the middle of it when we were going to get married. We've only been dating nearly three months.

My opinions on the subject don't seem to really matter. I mean, they do, but everyone assumes that if I'm dating him, I want to marry him. That's all well and good, and there may be some truth to that, but it's frustrating nonetheless.

So what if the culture suggests that he and I should be engaged by this point? The expectations are placing a strain on me and distorting my own image of what a timeline may be like for our relationship. My parents' (and roommates') assumptions on an engagement date set a mental point that is hard to alter, especially when it continues to be reinforced.

I understand it's important to plan ahead. I know it's important to consider the future. But don't put dates on me. Don't expect me to follow the cultural norm.

yeah, I think some families enjoy asking this question to watch the couple squirm

I just have to jump on the bandwagon to say that I hate this question with a burning passion. I just want to say "It's none of your business" but I usually end up just avoiding the question.

I was going to write more, but realized that's all I have to say on the matter.

"Don't tell anyone, but we're eloping tomorrow."

If nothing else, it will lead to an interesting conversation with your SO later.

"Well, wasn't planning on any time soon, but if Bob gets pregnant, all bets are off."

Another one of my favorites that is a good way to discourage askers (depending on the audience, of course.)

Another favorite is "Thursday." With further pressing we admit we haven't chosen which Thursday, but Thursday!

Lately I've just been telling my mom (who cannot see me without asking about me getting married at least two or three times) "eventually."

On our way home from the dinner, my SO was like, "I should've just said December." My thought was "Why didn't you think of that two hours ago?"

It's worse when people ask you that and you've been single for around 2 years."When are you getting married/having kids" just becomes a way of pointing out how most of your friends are married/have kids and you don't.

Just start singing that song from My Fair Lady.

Being asked about getting married is a bit like being carded, it's annoying, but wait long enough, and you'll realize you weirdly miss it. :P

Giovanni Schwartz wrote:Just start singing that song from My Fair Lady.

What song? I hate that musical. I would never sing anything from it.

I'm sorry. That sucks.

Also, something you said about the cultural norm made me think—I think it's probably older people's cultural norm.

Sure, some people are engaged within two months of starting to date and other people will ask (I had similar mom-experiences, had an older roommate ask me when I was getting engaged, had another tell me to send her a wedding invitation, etc. and went on to date the boy for almost 9 months), but I've realized there are so many more who date for much longer. I have friends who've been dating for 6 months, a year, 3 years even without being engaged (and some get married, some don't).

You're just fine. People are invasive. That's how it goes. Just keep talking with SO and make sure you're on the same page about the relationship, talk about the future, and share concerns. Yay communication!

Violet wrote:Just keep talking with SO and make sure you're on the same page about the relationship, talk about the future, and share concerns. Yay communication!

Seriously, the amount and quality of our communication has made this definitely the best relationship I've been in.

I feel like most problems can be solved with decent communication.

Tally M. wrote:

Violet wrote:Just keep talking with SO and make sure you're on the same page about the relationship, talk about the future, and share concerns. Yay communication!

Seriously, the amount and quality of our communication has made this definitely the best relationship I've been in.

I feel like most problems can be solved with decent communication.

I'm surprised at your age you have multiple relationships to have been in. Did you date in high school?

Portia wrote:

Tally M. wrote:

Violet wrote:Just keep talking with SO and make sure you're on the same page about the relationship, talk about the future, and share concerns. Yay communication!

Seriously, the amount and quality of our communication has made this definitely the best relationship I've been in.

I feel like most problems can be solved with decent communication.

I'm surprised at your age you have multiple relationships to have been in. Did you date in high school?

Not really. I had a short relationship with a guy the summer before I started college. (Sorta not actually a summer fling. We'd been friends for ages) And then I dated a guy last Winter semester, and then the one I'm currently in.

Imogen wrote:

Giovanni Schwartz wrote:Just start singing that song from My Fair Lady.

What song? I hate that musical. I would never sing anything from it.

This one.

So when are you getting married? (I kid. I kid because I care.)

Genuine Article wrote:So when are you getting married? (I kid. I kid because I care.)

Eventually.

My wife and I dated for several years before we got engaged. I don't remember anyone asking me when I was getting married. When I called up the father of my wife-to-be he merely said that they weren't surprised I had proposed. I think my wife may have had some questions asked of her.

There may not have been a Golden Age of the Board, but Vorpal clearly grew up in the Golden Age of Dating.