dad's girlfriend

[Portia]

Maybe it's that people conceive of sealings as triangular. I don't. I don't even 100% "buy" the concept, but I think it's a nice one. I just think that my relationship with each of my parents should be individual. I think that the breaking and making of sealings can cause a lot of stress in the Church -- I know this especially, with a real mixed-faith background along all lines.

Basically, I think I should be able to choose whether I want to spend the hereafter, if it comes to that, hanging out with the parental units I choose. I don't think of it as my dad adding to a polygamous harem. So, yeah, frankly, a civil wedding would have been easier to deal with. But if I wanted to be with my bio dad forever, and he with me, I don't see why that would be forbidden to us. (Just to raise an example.)

I just am probably not the best person to be the poster child for defending sealing practices. I try my best to be accommodating and pleasant, but I don't think saying "rules based on a polygamous system" actually does much to ease my anxieties. Having us all be one big mixed polygamous family actually sounds more like my definition of hell. It's just the symbolic aspect of not severing the connection to my mom that mattered, that was all.

I don't know if she'll adopt my younger sister. My sister will probably see A. as more her mom than our mom.

[Marduk]

So you're actually less concerned that your father will stop being sealed to your mom, and more concerned that he will be sealed to this woman (probably as well.)

[Portia]

Neither. That I will not be sealed to my mom.

[Marduk]

Neither. That I will not be sealed to my mom.

In that case my original comment applies. There is no reason why your father would need to get a cancellation of sealing. Also, it is my understanding that a cancellation of sealing in no way affects children being sealed to parents.

[Portia]

Neither. That I will not be sealed to my mom.

In that case my original comment applies. There is no reason why your father would need to get a cancellation of sealing. Also, it is my understanding that a cancellation of sealing in no way affects children being sealed to parents.

I'm no theologian, but I've heard plenty of stories of people's wishes being disregarded, and it was always a big issue for my great-grandma, who was twice-married, so I figured an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

[thatonemom]

I don't think you can cancel a sealing of child to parents. New Family Search has a lot of information about who can/needs to be sealed, and under what circumstances. And I can't find anything that would suggest the sealing of a child to parents would be canceled.

[Portia]

I don't think you can cancel a sealing of child to parents. New Family Search has a lot of information about who can/needs to be sealed, and under what circumstances. And I can't find anything that would suggest the sealing of a child to parents would be canceled.

Well, it's happened before, whether or not it ought to. (Is how I feel about a lot of Church stuff.)

[Emiliana]

I don't know if she'll adopt my younger sister. My sister will probably see A. as more her mom than our mom.

This ... is possible, but seems unlikely to me.

But it sounds like on the whole, you're feeling a little better than you were a few days ago.

[Katya]

I don't think you can cancel a sealing of child to parents. New Family Search has a lot of information about who can/needs to be sealed, and under what circumstances. And I can't find anything that would suggest the sealing of a child to parents would be canceled.

Well, it's happened before, whether or not it ought to. (Is how I feel about a lot of Church stuff.)

Source?

[Portia]

I don't think you can cancel a sealing of child to parents. New Family Search has a lot of information about who can/needs to be sealed, and under what circumstances. And I can't find anything that would suggest the sealing of a child to parents would be canceled.

Well, it's happened before, whether or not it ought to. (Is how I feel about a lot of Church stuff.)

Source?

Someone in another forum I frequent. She and her sister were sealed to their mom's second husband. Her mom had divorced, and announced her remarriage the day her dad died. (!) She ended up getting along well with her step-father, but didn't consider him a father figure.

[Portia]

But it sounds like on the whole, you're feeling a little better than you were a few days ago.

Yes, I am! Thank you for noticing.

[Marduk]

Why would someone participate in a sealing that they didn't want to participate in? Unless the child is BiC they actually need to be present for a sealing. Why go if that isn't what you want?

[Portia]

Why would someone participate in a sealing that they didn't want to participate in? Unless the child is BiC they actually need to be present for a sealing. Why go if that isn't what you want?

You seem to really be picking on this. I'm not entirely sure what is wrong with my reaction, which I think has been remarkably measured, considering the circumstances.

Anyway, you seem to be mixing up the observation of the wedding with the records on file with the Church, or whatever.

I wasn't "born in the [marriage] covenant," to use a phrase I find particularly revolting (in a religion class with Whistler, for a professor I later worked for, he asked us to raise our hands if we were. Ugh!). So I was present for the sealing to my bio mom and adoptive father. I don't know what gives.

It's their freaking wedding. To go to support them? I don't know! I have no idea how these things work.

[Portia]

Okay, after a bunch of Googling, I'm more confused than before. All the children in my family are "worthy members." I assumed we could all witness if we wanted to, because I perpetually underestimate the craziness of Church policy.

1. Me - An adult, non-endowed. (Obviously, I've never gone on a mission or gotten married.) I last went to the temple in June, so it's not like the you're not worthy argument applies here. Am I barred?
2. My brother - adult, endowed. He obviously could come but I highly doubt he will as he's halfway around the world.
3. My sister - a Beehive. This is the one that freaks me out the most. Is she seriously forbidden from seeing her father remarry? She's a kid. I can only see this having bad repercussions.

So was I just invited to a wedding I can't even attend? I don't get it. Why would I fly all that way? It makes no sense. I thought the big brouhaha was over non-LDS.

[thatonemom]

I'd recommend running those questions past your bishop. He'll have access to all the particulars on what the policy is. I don't know that anyone on the bb knows.

Also, (because I feel like it hasn't been bluntly stated for anyone else reading who might be curious), sealing a husband and wife together is a totally separate thing from sealing a child to a mom and dad. Sometimes they happen one right after the other, but they're two distinct ordinances. And even if the husband and wife later have their sealing cancelled, it doesn't undo the sealing of the child to their mom and dad.

[Imogen]

Portia, if it makes you feel any better, I was not present for either of my parents re-marriages (my dad's was arranged and was in Turkey and my mom has eloped. Twice. To mean I had never met), and I'm not scarred or anything by it. It didn't really bother me until I was older and knew what a wedding really meant, but you get over it.

[Dragon Lady]

You can only witness a temple sealing if you are endowed. The sealing ceremony uses sacred portions of the endowment ceremony, which is why, I assume, they keep sealings closed to endowed members only.

[thatonemom]

Dragon Lady, that's not untrue, but isn't quite the whole truth, either. I have anecdotal stories of unendowed, baptized members being present for sealings. My husband and his older sister were there when his parents were sealed (and he was 17 or 18). But he and his sister were each sealed to his parents after his parents were sealed. Neither my husband or his sister was endowed.

I also had a roommate who was at the sealing after her parents adopted a kid. (so she saw her new sister being sealed to her parents, who were already sealed) She was in her teens, so also not endowed.

What DL said is true when you've got siblings (or friends) getting married. But in circumstances where your parents or siblings are being sealed to each other, I've heard enough variety that I think it's worth asking to the bishop about. I'm sure there's a defined policy. But I'm even more sure that I don't know what it is.

[Portia]

I love my Boardeaux and Boardettes. Y'all are the best.

My sister is getting a dress for the wedding today with A. and is excited. She is still doing stuff with just me and our mom's mom, so yay. My dad's parents are beer-swilling heathens but are still coming, so Imma chill with them and the sis. They'll help me feel less awkward.

A. even said I could live with her. What?! That is hilarious; I don't know if I'll take her up on the offer, but man, she reeeally wants to get along with me.

Also props to A. because she thinks her Prominent Relation is, ahem, misguided too.

The best part??? Guys I know more about my bio dad now!!!1 I finally know a little back-story, his first name (I thought it started with a K, but it's a C) and can look at the adoption papers. So even though he's maybe a psycho, he's a real person.

Oh, and my boyfriend is invited too. He says maybe I'll end up with a Korean sibling à la Arrested Development, at this rate. ;-)

[thatonemom]

I stand corrected from thatonedad. He tells me he was not there for the actual sealing of his parents, just when he and his sister were sealed to his parents after they had already been sealed. So, there you go. I have no idea how that would all play out in Portia's specific circumstance.

Anyway, I'm happy you've gotten some good news Portia.