Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

Zed, you know you, but remember that they take a full 4-8 weeks to really start working. The side effects come first and get progressively less. The good stuff comes later.

Yeah that's basically what I'm waiting for.

I never understood what people meant by a "bad therapist" until just now. He was very...non-chalant. It's not like I wanted a ton of water works or superficial sweetness, but I felt like a specimen. An experiene for him to try his counseling tricks on. And I couldn't articulate "Okay but really you don't seem to get that I've tried to tell myself I'm okay for years and I just can't believe it. Your philosophical crap is nice but I know it already. That's not my problem. If I had that problem I would have fixed it a while ago and wouldn't be thinking of ways to kill myself all the time."

I don't know if that's even what I wanted to say. I just hated feeling so patronized, especially after this weekend.

Zed, these experiences fit so well into my new overarching theory of female psychic warfare that it actually is unsettling me right now.

autosurf wrote:I never understood what people meant by a "bad therapist" until just now. He was very...non-chalant. It's not like I wanted a ton of water works or superficial sweetness, but I felt like a specimen. An experiene for him to try his counseling tricks on. And I couldn't articulate "Okay but really you don't seem to get that I've tried to tell myself I'm okay for years and I just can't believe it. Your philosophical crap is nice but I know it already. That's not my problem. If I had that problem I would have fixed it a while ago and wouldn't be thinking of ways to kill myself all the time."

I don't know if that's even what I wanted to say. I just hated feeling so patronized, especially after this weekend.

I'm sorry, that sucks :/ definitely feel free to switch to a different therapist. Also if you ever want to talk about it to someone else, you can Facebook me.

autosurf, that blows. I'm sorry. Get a new one. Your current one won't even be offended; it happens all the time.

I don't know how I'm going to make it through this. Doing depression and traumatic life event at the same time is just... awful. I know lots of people do it but geez. Today and yesterday have been the cherry on top of maybe the hardest month of my life.

So it's one of those depressed-for-no-reason days...Assuming I live an average amount of time, I probably am supposed to do this living thing for another fifty years, and that just sounds like far too long and not a lot of fun, too put it mildly.

The whole two blog posts on Hyperbole and a Half about depression were amazing, but this bit in particular really hits home in my most down moments.

I'm inexplicably anxious about going back to work tomorrow. I mean, rationally speaking, I know that most of the time I kinda like my job, ya know? But today, for some reason, I feel like going to work will be the most hellish thing ever.

how did it go?

Whistler wrote:how did it go?

*eye roll at yesterday's self* It was fine, pretty much like any other day in the middle of the school year... Thanks for asking, though.

There's recurrent nightmare I have, that I'm behind the wheel of the car, and it's about to careen into a ravine. (n.b. I don't have a license)

What do you do? Over-correct? Go with it, see what happens? Leap out?

Is it even an option to pull to the side of the road, get the oil changed, and resume a nice drive?

Portia wrote:There's recurrent nightmare I have, that I'm behind the wheel of the car, and it's about to careen into a ravine. (n.b. I don't have a license)

What do you do? Over-correct? Go with it, see what happens? Leap out?

Is it even an option to pull to the side of the road, get the oil changed, and resume a nice drive?

I have a similar dream, but it's that my brakes go out. Blech.

I was treated with caring and respect when I had to have my knee x-rayed. I was locked in a windowless room and ignored for an hour when I went for help with a severe suicidal depression.

And they wonder why people don't seek treatment.

The analogy I like to use is you're an armless person stuck in a really deep hole, and people are like, "Why didn't you just use the ladder????" And you're like, because I have no arms...you idiot.

Or, when you don't even know where to get treatment, it's like someone tells you "yeah if you dig around the bottom of this hole you'll find a map with directions of where to dig to get some pieces of wood, and another place to dig to get some nails, and then somehow hammer the nails into the wood and make a ladder, and then climb out."

And if you don't do it, clearly you're either lazy, or you actually just WANT to be in the hole, for attention or something.

Zedability wrote:you actually just WANT to be in the hole, for attention or something.

or if you're a character in a YA novel your death will inspire the guy you last made out with to Find Meaning

Portia, you got this.

Sometime, when you aren't just out of a crisis, remind me to tell you the story of my time on the ER psych ward. Someday I'm going to publish that nonsense.

TheBlackSheep wrote:Portia, you got this.

Sometime, when you aren't just out of a crisis, remind me to tell you the story of my time on the ER psych ward. Someday I'm going to publish that nonsense.

Thumbs up!

my anxiety has been out of control, so now i'm going to a doctor on january 19th. until then i could use good thoughts because i have a lot to do for school and work that must be done.

My anxiety has been out of control too and I'm like, FINALS ARE OVER CHILL.