Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

I'm sorry Emiliana. I hope the mood breaks.

I'm in a weird spot, mental health-wise, too. I'm mostly okay and very functional as long as I am crazy busy. I'm working full-time (more than that, really) at my day job as a coordinator at a tiny nonprofit, I'm tutoring 10-20 hours every week, I'm maintaining a long-distance relationship, and I'm teaching myself calc 2. If, however, I give myself a day off (like say, yesterday), I end up drunk and self-harming for the first time in a couple months. Like, ??? I vastly prefer this to having come aparts where I can't get out of bed for days or weeks and my entire life gradually falls apart, but is this me now? I can't tolerate any unstructured time or I freak out? The meds seem to be legitimately, actually, for real helping for the first time in my life, but it is very depressing to me that I'm incapable of being still for any amount of time right now lest bad things happen.

I've been incredibly anxious for almost two weeks now. Three doctor's visits. Three new prescriptions, plus referrals to a counselor and a psychiatrist, and the doctor really wanted me to check myself into the hospital. I've only attended two class, one today and one Tuesday, since the start of the anxiety, and at this point I think I'm not going to make it to the class I was planning to attend tomorrow. Good thing next week is spring break, so I have a little more time to try to get back to normal. Pretty sure I'm going to fail two classes this semester anyway. This is ridiculous.

bobtheenchantedone wrote:I've been incredibly anxious for almost two weeks now. Three doctor's visits. Three new prescriptions, plus referrals to a counselor and a psychiatrist, and the doctor really wanted me to check myself into the hospital. I've only attended two class, one today and one Tuesday, since the start of the anxiety, and at this point I think I'm not going to make it to the class I was planning to attend tomorrow. Good thing next week is spring break, so I have a little more time to try to get back to normal. Pretty sure I'm going to fail two classes this semester anyway. This is ridiculous.

That sounds rough. I hope the new treatment gets you in a better place soon.

bobtheenchantedone wrote:I've been incredibly anxious for almost two weeks now. Three doctor's visits. Three new prescriptions, plus referrals to a counselor and a psychiatrist, and the doctor really wanted me to check myself into the hospital. I've only attended two class, one today and one Tuesday, since the start of the anxiety, and at this point I think I'm not going to make it to the class I was planning to attend tomorrow. Good thing next week is spring break, so I have a little more time to try to get back to normal. Pretty sure I'm going to fail two classes this semester anyway. This is ridiculous.

feel better soon.

bobtheenchantedone wrote:I've been incredibly anxious for almost two weeks now. Three doctor's visits. Three new prescriptions, plus referrals to a counselor and a psychiatrist, and the doctor really wanted me to check myself into the hospital. I've only attended two class, one today and one Tuesday, since the start of the anxiety, and at this point I think I'm not going to make it to the class I was planning to attend tomorrow. Good thing next week is spring break, so I have a little more time to try to get back to normal. Pretty sure I'm going to fail two classes this semester anyway. This is ridiculous.

I'm so sorry. Do you think the political climate is adding to your anxiety? (I know I've been a lot more stressed out for the last few months, with noticeable physical effects.)

Katya wrote:Do you think the political climate is adding to your anxiety? (I know I've been a lot more stressed out for the last few months, with noticeable physical effects.)

Definitely. I have to avoid certain conversations or media having to do with Trump and especially with the idea of repealing Obamacare. This year is the first time I've had insurance for a while. My doctor's visits are free. My medication costs next to nothing (one of them was like 62 cents). To see a specialist will only cost $15 a visit. Supposing I do end up in the hospital, a five-day stay could cost as little as $1000. If Obamacare is repealed without an equivalent or better put in place, I lose everything.

It's also, though, the fact that I got so stressed about my recital that I put all my other schoolwork aside and then realized after that I was like 2-3 weeks behind and then I just kinda broke.

My therapist is actually 100% on board with me running away from this garbage news cycle for a while and just mountain biking in the wilderness and I think she has a good point. My day to day functioning is fine I guess but I feel like I'm about to snap.

Was inconsolably sad. Saw my poster that gives suggestions on how to feel better; suggestion one is drink water. Drank water, ate fruit. Now manic. This was not what was supposed to happen at one in the morning!

What... kind of fruit was it?

Yeah, so I got recruited to a dream program starting this fall but my brain has decided that my ex is still sleeping with me but also meeting some chick in San Francisco is the more salient issue.

And saying that makes me feel even worse. Like, I really am that much of a doormat.

Portia wrote:Yeah, so I got recruited to a dream program starting this fall but my brain has decided that my ex is still sleeping with me but also meeting some chick in San Francisco is the more salient issue.

And saying that makes me feel even worse. Like, I really am that much of a doormat.

Brains are stupid sometimes...The first time I went to Africa, I spent the whole time journaling about my crush. Like, who does that? Our brains sometimes don't find the right things to fixate on.

Emiliana wrote:

Portia wrote:Yeah, so I got recruited to a dream program starting this fall but my brain has decided that my ex is still sleeping with me but also meeting some chick in San Francisco is the more salient issue.

And saying that makes me feel even worse. Like, I really am that much of a doormat.

Brains are stupid sometimes...The first time I went to Africa, I spent the whole time journaling about my crush. Like, who does that? Our brains sometimes don't find the right things to fixate on.

I forget where I heard this : probably Cheryl Strayed or Liz Gilbert. But in refugee camps in like, Cambodia, the most frequent complaint (according to this account) was romantic problems. "After fleeing for our lives from the violent regime, MY EX DOESN'T LOVE ME) Seems like part of the human condition...

I got several pieces of stressful news at work today, and while driving home my brain decided that suicide would be a lot easier than dealing with it!

I'm not actually, dangerously suicidal, but suicidal ideations are still not fun.

Girl. No, suicidal ideations are not fun. I hope they stopped and that you are doing better now.

TheBlackSheep wrote:Girl. No, suicidal ideations are not fun. I hope they stopped and that you are doing better now.

Thanks. Yeah, things are better on the whole. Work is stressful, but not driving-off-a-bridge stressful.

I started day treatment a couple of weeks ago for depression and anxiety. As part of that, I've had the pleasure of working with the single best psychiatrist I've ever seen. She diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder.

I was comfortable with major depressive disorder, with dysthymia, with PTSD, with GAD, and with panic disorder. I'm struggling with the new BPD diagnosis. I have barely told anyone about it (so if you know me in real life please don't pass that around to other people I know), but I feel like I need to talk about it. It makes a lot of sense but it also changes a lot of perceptions I hold about myself.

TheBlackSheep wrote:I started day treatment a couple of weeks ago for depression and anxiety. As part of that, I've had the pleasure of working with the single best psychiatrist I've ever seen. She diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder.

I was comfortable with major depressive disorder, with dysthymia, with PTSD, with GAD, and with panic disorder. I'm struggling with the new BPD diagnosis. I have barely told anyone about it (so if you know me in real life please don't pass that around to other people I know), but I feel like I need to talk about it. It makes a lot of sense but it also changes a lot of perceptions I hold about myself.

I'm so sorry.

TheBlackSheep wrote:I started day treatment a couple of weeks ago for depression and anxiety. As part of that, I've had the pleasure of working with the single best psychiatrist I've ever seen. She diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder.

I was comfortable with major depressive disorder, with dysthymia, with PTSD, with GAD, and with panic disorder. I'm struggling with the new BPD diagnosis. I have barely told anyone about it (so if you know me in real life please don't pass that around to other people I know), but I feel like I need to talk about it. It makes a lot of sense but it also changes a lot of perceptions I hold about myself.

That sounds tough, having your self-image shake up like that. I hope you are able to find some peace. <3

Thanks guys. <3

yeah, out of all the diagnoses, I think if I were diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder I would be a little freaked out. I feel like people with BPD have a stereotype for being untreatable or really unreasonable in relationships, and that's unfair. I just read on Wikipedia (sourced to the DSM) that at least half of cases improve over time, so my stereotype is not true.

If you're comfortable talking about it, I'm curious about how your self-conception has changed with the diagnosis. Do you have different expectations of your future mental health now? I also understand if you're not in the mood to delve into it here.