http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/79692/
It sounds like the reader is defining being a good influence as "people making the choices I want them to make." That strikes me as a pretty narrow definition (and a pretty high bar). I have some cousins who have made some choices that the rest of our conservative Mormon family is not particularly happy about, but my parents have been really good about making sure that my cousins know that my parents still love them and want them to be part of the family. I honestly think they've had more of a good influence as a loving and accepting aunt and uncle than the other family members who are more inclined to lecture or judge.
#79692 - Influence for good
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Zedability
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Re: #79692 - Influence for good
That...probably just changed my life.Katya wrote:http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/79692/
It sounds like the reader is defining being a good influence as "people making the choices I want them to make." That strikes me as a pretty narrow definition (and a pretty high bar). I have some cousins who have made some choices that the rest of our conservative Mormon family is not particularly happy about, but my parents have been really good about making sure that my cousins know that my parents still love them and want them to be part of the family. I honestly think they've had more of a good influence as a loving and accepting aunt and uncle than the other family members who are more inclined to lecture or judge.
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Shrinky Dink
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Re: #79692 - Influence for good
I think this person is also seeing choices as black and white. Someone can either make a good decision or they can make a bad decision. In reality, there is a whole ton of gray area and pitch black area. For all the reader knows, if it weren't for them, their friend may have made much worse decision than they actually did. It's like there's good, better, and best, as well as bad, worse, and worst. Maybe the friend made a bad decision instead of a worse one. So, you can still influence your friends for good even if they're not making good decisions.
*Insert Evil Laughter Here*
Re: #79692 - Influence for good
The Lost Horse, a Chinese folktale about good fortune and bad fortune in disguise.
Quod gratis asseritur, gratis negatur.
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bobtheenchantedone
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Re: #79692 - Influence for good
This question reminded me of parents being told that if they are righteous their children will never fall away. I don't know why someone else's actions should be able to strip away my own agency.
I'd also like to point out, along the "it's not black and white" lines, that not all "bad decisions" are actually that. For example: I occasionally have bare shoulders in public and not even while swimming. To my mother, this is a sign of how far I have strayed from the path of all that is righteous and holy and she wonders what she did wrong. To me, it's simply choosing clothing that is comfortable and makes me happy (summer was so much nicer this year when I allowed myself to wear tank tops for the first time).
I'd also like to point out, along the "it's not black and white" lines, that not all "bad decisions" are actually that. For example: I occasionally have bare shoulders in public and not even while swimming. To my mother, this is a sign of how far I have strayed from the path of all that is righteous and holy and she wonders what she did wrong. To me, it's simply choosing clothing that is comfortable and makes me happy (summer was so much nicer this year when I allowed myself to wear tank tops for the first time).
The Epistler was quite honestly knocked on her ethereal behind by the sheer logic of this.
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TheBlackSheep
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Re: #79692 - Influence for good
Oh good lord.
If you think you can save anybody (or change anybody's behavior) you're a little delusional and narcissistic. This comes from one person with a messiah complex to another (and, by the way, when I'm a social worker my job is to help people make big life changing changes). You are not Superman or Jesus.
Unless you are a young child's parent, all you can do is love someone, communicate that love, and encourage the person to do what is best for themselves. You can listen to them and support them as they figure things out for themselves. You can help them with specific things upon request.
But because you have a "good effect" on someone their behavior will change? Dream on. And that is so subjective anyway. Oof. It's been a long weekend; maybe it's time for bed.
If you think you can save anybody (or change anybody's behavior) you're a little delusional and narcissistic. This comes from one person with a messiah complex to another (and, by the way, when I'm a social worker my job is to help people make big life changing changes). You are not Superman or Jesus.
Unless you are a young child's parent, all you can do is love someone, communicate that love, and encourage the person to do what is best for themselves. You can listen to them and support them as they figure things out for themselves. You can help them with specific things upon request.
But because you have a "good effect" on someone their behavior will change? Dream on. And that is so subjective anyway. Oof. It's been a long weekend; maybe it's time for bed.