BQ 83402 YSA - privileged position or persecuted posterity

[S.A.M.]

https://theboard.byu.edu/questions/83402

Seems to me many YSA wards have a privileged position, not a "second class" position. YSA wards don't have to rotate times like the common wards, generally have a later start time (1pm would be great! Sunday morning sleep in ftw. I suspect many YSAs would not like 8 or 9 am church.) Because of YSA wards many serve in very "adult" callings that they would be unlikely to have in a common ward.

I couldn't wait to go to church with all my friends and no parents or younger siblings. Most of the people I know felt the same way. Did you feel forced to go to a YSA ward, or that it was somehow demeaning?

[Portia]

I enjoyed my YSA ward in the Midwest and felt connected to the people even when I went "inactive." I thought it was very gracious of them to still invite me to Thanksgiving (then again, plenty of non-Mormons were, too).

I pretty much hated my home ward and never wanted to return. BYU wards were sometimes great, sometimes meh, sometimes I wasn't engaged.

I've obviously never attended as a family person in my own right, but I suspect I would have disliked the working-with-babies/children callings I would have been relegated to, largely, as a woman.

[Concorde]

I would hardly say that those things really amount to a "privileged" position. Later start times don't make the feeling of a meat market go away. I hate YSA's in Utah (going to my new one this Sunday for the first time.... terrified) but find that YSA's outside Utah are much, much better. People feel more like they're there for the church aspect, not just to get married. They have less pressure to go, less pressure to be hitched and having kids, so they truly want to be there, and generally have work and other things going for them versus just trying to find the cutest, highest earning person possible. That may sound harsh, but it's just what I've observed between Utah YSA's and non-Utah YSA's.

Honestly, I'd much rather be married and feel like I fit into the culture and that I belong. YSA's really don't have a privileged position, IMO as a YSA. I was treated so much differently when I was engaged. Like an adult. When he broke it off and I was single again, I got treated more like a perpetual college student, instead of a successful, working adult. I have my life more together than all of my married friends, some of whom are having children already (at 21!) but yet I get treated like I've done nothing with it, because I'm single.

[Portia]

But when you're married, the pressure is on to have kids, which seems 1,000 worse to me. That is probably my own emotions coloring my feelings, though. I'd much rather be eternally youthful and carefree than a weary sleep-deprived broke matron.

[Concorde]

See, that wouldn't bother me as much. I don't think it would, anyway...

[Violet]

Privileged start times? I am technically in boundaries for a ward that starts at 3 PM. 3 PM!! That's not privileged, that's a "none of the family wards want to be in church during dinner and nap time" assignment. My records are in the ward that meets at a much more reasonable 10 AM, and that's only because we're in the institute building. It can depend on the leadership, but generally, YSAs get forgotten about, and then treated like kids when they remember us.

Honestly, I'd much rather be married and feel like I fit into the culture and that I belong. YSA's really don't have a privileged position, IMO as a YSA. I was treated so much differently when I was engaged. Like an adult. When he broke it off and I was single again, I got treated more like a perpetual college student, instead of a successful, working adult. I have my life more together than all of my married friends, some of whom are having children already (at 21!) but yet I get treated like I've done nothing with it, because I'm single.

All of this. Even being in a longer term relationship seems to get people to treat you as an adult.

It's frustrating because I see people in my YSA here do it to themselves. Admittedly I've attended the "young and fun" ward and so the college seniors were graduating and getting married a week later. One of my close friends started dating a guy who moved into the ward and while I think they're great together, it's frustrating being in the exact same position in life (she's in my program, similar past career) minus my being in a relationship and watching her be treated as more competent is so so frustrating.

I have hit the older ward, which has more young professionals and grad students, but the last time I attended, we got a youth conference recap for the stake, despite no one in the ward being involved (except the bishopric members' wives—who are not technically ward members even though they attend with us). It just seemed like they forgot about us and just went with the rotation through the wards.

Also Concorde, the NYC wards are small enough that you'll definitely be seen. I attended both the Manhattan and Brooklyn wards one Sunday due to a miscommunication when trying to meet up with a friend (and then went to a museum). I got introduced to everyone very quickly. I was told who everyone from Provo was, got asked if I was new to the ward, and I'm pretty sure I would have been playing the piano is RS by the time I left sacrament meeting if I hadn't left (first to the other ward, then museum).

[Shrinky Dink]

I was in a YSA ward in Salt Lake that had 9am church for 3 years in a row. The sad thing was that we weren't even sharing the building with family wards, there were 3 YSA wards in it, they just never rotated us.

I liked my general YSA ward more than I liked any school YSA wards. The school ones felt like they were forcing things way too much, it was always rushed (yay 3 month BYUI semesters) and the activities always felt very juvenile. There was a little bit of discomfort in the general ward, but it was much easier to find a place and get to know people. It also helped that my general YSA ward had a 'Feast on the Fourth' and a 'Snack on the Second'.... food after church always helps

[Concorde]

Hah! I was actually at the Manhattan YSA all throughout July. I was in NYC for work training. They were so friendly and genuine and nice. And the talks blew me away. I was in the back row, fighting back tears because they just really hit me (and also I'm still an emotional wreck post break up) and I normally never cry. They were SO good. I loved going there. Not so sure I'll feel the same back here in SLC.

[Violet]

Whoops, apparently I missed that process. Sorry for the assumption.

But Utah YSA wards are a beast. I think SLC wards, like most Utah YSAs, are hit and miss depending on where you live. If you're in a ward where most of the boundaries encompass typical family neighborhoods, you're going to end up with a lot of people who haven't left high school. But if you're in somewhere like the Avenues or neighborhoods where grad students and professionals tend to live, you'll get a better experience.

[Concorde]

I moved to Cottonwood Heights. I have no idea what the makeup is. Not the Avenues, and no grad students either, I think. I'M SCREWED.

[Portia]

Hahahaha I grew up in Cottonwood Heights; good luck with that. Unemployed women looking to be supported and socially awkward 30yo guys is the norm.

[Portia]

But! The people who aren't Mormon drawn to that area are great. Lots of skiers and tech people. Pretty yuppieish.

[Zedability]

In my experience, YSA wards get better the fewer overall Mormons are in the area. My grandpa was actually concerned about me going to BYU because from his view, if I went to s Canadian university I'd KNOW which guys were really active based on who showed up to the YSA ward. I wasn't going to BYU to get married, so I ignored his advice, but I think it's true that in less Mormon areas, the people who attend weekly are less likely to just do so because of culture or peer pressure and they also have more non Mormon friends and are used to "different" life choices. Like staying single past 20.

[bobtheenchantedone]

Going to a single's ward got increasingly awkward for me when I was in a relationship. There I was, in the special 5th-Sunday meeting that was focused on marriage and whatnot, and my long-term boyfriend was sitting next to me while we were both given overly-cheerful and slightly condescending advice on how to talk to the opposite sex.

[Portia]

Well, in long-term relationships you might have sex, so I don't think that's the use case they envision.

[Concorde]

Update: Just got back from church.

We talked in RS about how men could be good spiritual leaders and on how women could spend effective time with their children, because of course, women can't be spiritual leaders and men can't spend effective time with their kids. You can only do one or the other.

[Whistler]

we had that lesson today too. Our teacher tried to make it inclusive of anyone who worked with children/younger people, but it was pretty difficult, except when we focused on things about our own families growing up we liked.

[NovemberEast]

We had a lesson like that. One girl talked about how (growing up) her family wouldn't go to a church activity unless all the children in her family could participate. i have no idea what that meant but i'm assuming it meant if the younger kids were too little to participate fully or something. My mom was visiting and she leaned over and loud-whispered "that's weird."

I love my mom.

[Portia]

In a YSA ward? Very few 18-30 single Mormons have children (are they even allowed to attend a singles' ward if they're divorced or widowed or had a kid without marrying?): this seems to not only be sexist but irrelevant. (My favorite kind of lesson.)

Also, I think this thread has a phone autocorrect title, unless it's more subliminal messaging.

[Shrinky Dink]

If you have custody of your child, than your child needs to be in a family ward and you need to attend the family ward as well. This was emphasized more heavily in one of the 30-45 YSA wards in salt lake that I visited once. It also had about 600 members, 6 relief societies and priesthood meetings, and 3 sacrament tables. They made the child announcement each week because they would have a lot of new members and you never knew when someone was divorced and would have their kid for the weekend.