Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

I just really enjoyed this question and all the answers: http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/84522/

It's great when questions get a ton of writers to respond.

I'd probably feel the same as Vienna in that if I was already in to the guy, it wouldn't be a deal breaker. It's just not one of those things he should lead with.

If things got serious and were headed towards marriage, I'd have to have some real talk with him. I'd have to find out what exactly types of sexual things he was in to with his former bf so as to set a precedent that certain things that he may or may not have been in to* were absolutely never going to happen and that he 100% ok with that.


*no judgement, but yes I had to take it there & hopefully that didn't make anyone uncomfortable.

yeah, the difference in sexual experience might be hard to overcome, but I think it could be positive too?

Holla!

I am a firm believer in the, hey, what sexual activities are you into/are off the table talk before marriage, regardless of orientation. Some straight people are kinky, some bi people aren't, &c.

... Not that gay sex is inherently kinky, but I'm gathering there are certain positions that'd be off the table for one straight woman (November) but that a different one would be fine with (me). I don't think it's a bi vs straight guy thing.

OTOH, there are other aspects that are non-negotiable for me. I tend to prefer chattiness (like Elaine from Seinfeld?), and contemplative silence weirds me out. So this would be a comfort level thing that would be equally important to discuss.

Portia wrote:I am a firm believer in the, hey, what sexual activities are you into/are off the table talk before marriage, regardless of orientation. Some straight people are kinky, some bi people aren't, &c.

yep. everyone should have that talk. some people think it's inappropriate but I think it's just as important as discussing how the toilets are going to get cleaned.

How can anyone be that certain that they would NEVER EVER want to try something with a partner? I don't get it.

there's some kinky stuff I can't really see myself being interested in that I don't want to describe.

Marduk wrote:How can anyone be that certain that they would NEVER EVER want to try something with a partner? I don't get it.

When neither person wants to do something, it's probably not going to happen. And that's ok.

I think it's always possible for a person to change their mind about something down the road, but entering into a marriage, if someone has really strong feelings about not doing something, and the other person really wants to do that thing, they should probably be aware of that before making a committment.

Also, I agree with Portia. I don't think gay sex is somehow inherently kinkier or weirder than straight sex.

Marduk wrote:How can anyone be that certain that they would NEVER EVER want to try something with a partner? I don't get it.

I have known since I was very young that there were things I would NEVER EVER try. The thought of them just wasn't enticing. Whereas some of the kinkier things I enjoy sounded enticing before I ever tried them. And my mind hasn't changed in the decade I've been sexually active. I think some people just KNOW, and some people can be persuaded.

I cannot be persuaded. Hopefully the guy I'm currently sort of dating is ok with a stubborn woman.

Even more than not being enticing (I'd probably be willing to try something that didn't sound enticing), some things make me revolted/nauseous. Those are off the table for me.