Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

my thoughts on 36869:

oh my gosh! attack raccoon!

no wait, he's in michigan. of course there are attack raccoons.

(variety of flashbacks from years of fending off raccoons in michigan: some in my driveway, but most while camping.)

Lol! Someone in my ward growing up rescued a raccoon. It was cute.

oh, they can be cute. the baby ones especially.

but when they bite your friend's face at girls camp and she has to go to the hospital, not so cute.

or when they're stealing your food.

or making a mess of your garbage.

or peeing on your sister.

or hissing at you through the side of your canvas lean-to-style tent in the middle of the night while you fend them off with a stick to avoid getting bitten yourself.

attack raccoons. not cute.

You want to see something sickeningly cute? Check this out.

Seriously, this is so "cute" that it grates on my nerves.

Otters! I have seen that video before. Super cute.



Indeed! Those attack raccoons are fierce!

Attack raccoons are terribly frightening. I nearly soiled myself. Here is what happened:

Humble Master, being a gentleman, offered to take The Future Mrs. Master's trash out as the evening waned. Our protagonist walked out to the dumpster behind the apartment building, humming the old Spider-Man theme song. As he approached the dumpster he spied a trash bag on the ground. "That's odd," he thought "someone missed the dumpster when they threw their trash out." As Humble Master lifted the lid to the dumpster he looked at the bag, and noticed it was all torn up, which he thought was suspicious. Just as he lifted The Future Mrs. Master's bag of trash of the top of the dumpster, there was a loud scrambling sound from the side of the dumpster. Bolting around the dumpster came the Attack Raccoon (of death). It was hunched low to the ground, with its mouth open and tail rigid in the air (this is the point at which our brave protagonist nearly soiled himself). The scene from Elf when Will Ferrell tries to hug a raccoon and it pounces on him crossed Humble Master's mind.

The Attack Raccoon and Humble Master were perfectly still, sizing one another up. Their eyes met, and there was a moment of primal understanding. Then without warning Attack Raccoon realized it was the smaller creature, and ran back behind the dumpster.

...


Yeah, I wasn't really attacked, but it was still frightening.

completely off topic... but i gather that you live in the LDS student housing at MSU? total shot in the dark, but do you happen to know a med student by the name of (spencer) garret seibold? (...i know the "do you know" game can be pretty pointless, but it feels great when you win and get a yes.)

Do I know Garret? Of course (that's a big mark in the win column). I dine with him every Wednesday evening at six (it's a dinner group thing, not a man date thing). He lives just down the hall from me.

You don't have to deny your man dates. We won't judge.

(If any of you watched the musical episode of Scrubs a couple months back, you'll understand when I say the lyrics to "Guy Love" are now running through my mind.)

Guy love
That's all it is,
Guy love,
He's mine, I'm his,
There's nothing gay about it in our eyes.

Thanks, now I had "it's guy love" going through my head all day at work (and I don't know enough of the song to move pass the one lyric I recalled). That was a really funny episode.

Back to the raccoon thing, I just wanted to throw in that last week at girl's camp our priesthood brethren woke up at 1:30 am to rustling and went to investigate the eating area. They found the fattest raccoon they have ever seen. It was so big around that it's belly was dragging on the ground. Apparently there are girl's camps there just about every week, and not everyone is careful about their trash- that raccoon was in freakin' heaven, I tell ya. No attack raccoon of death there! Basically they just yelled at it and it wobbled away.

Back to the not-raccoon thing that really has little place on this particularly thread. Mabel, how do you know Garret? I tried to explain our exchange to him, but he was really just interested in who I was talking to, and all I could say was, "mabel." Which didn't really ring any bells for him.

Hehe, I just saw a racoon with four kits on campus. It was cool.

I had a dream last night. i was at work trying to do something, but there were raccoons in the hallway I needed to use, and I was afraid of them.

I'm am not even kidding.

I, who have only ever had one minor experience with raccoons ever, had a dream about Attack Raccoons. And then, the next day, somebody brings this thread back to life. Life is really rather strange sometimes.

The raccoons must be telepathic!

For some reason, I read that as "Racoons must be telepathetic."

It's much funnier that way, I contest.

Humble Master wrote:Back to the not-raccoon thing that really has little place on this particularly thread. Mabel, how do you know Garret? I tried to explain our exchange to him, but he was really just interested in who I was talking to, and all I could say was, "mabel." Which didn't really ring any bells for him.

haha! i just barely saw this today.

how do i know garret...i've known him so long that really there are a lot of ways we know each other. basically, we were in the same ward back home, and went to school together. his dad was our seminary teacher, so i spent an unusual amount of time in his basement. of course that would only narrow it down for him. tell him i'm the short, curly-haired, singer. actually, if you told him any of those three it would probably do it...

Okay, this is kind of freakish. I had a dream about raccoons last night, before I saw the updates on this thread. Like ahem, I have never had much close contact with racoons. They really must be telepath . . . etic.

I would just like to say that I think it quite awesome that this thread was linked to today. I knew attack raccoons were good for something!