What makes you feel like a good person?

[thebigcheese]

I had an interesting conversation with my fiance the other day, and we both came away from it realizing that we have different definitions of what it means to be a good person. I'll just select a couple of examples for the sake of brevity, but there are obviously more.

I tend to emphasize word over deed. For example, I am determined keep my word: if I say that I will be somewhere, you can bet your shirt that I will be there. I am particularly sensitive to "inappropriate" topics of conversation, but I feel good about myself when I'm discussing positive/uplifting topics. And a good friend once described me by saying that I would never say something bad about another person. I feel good about myself for giving compliments, but I am often rather shy about it.

He tends to emphasize deed over word. For example, he feels good about himself when he's reading the scriptures and attending the temple on a regular basis. He feels good about himself when he's doing nice things for me, like throwing me a birthday party with all of my friends. He feels good about himself when he makes a real effort to go visit his siblings and their families.

Granted, I do recognize that scripture reading and temple attendance are important, and he recognizes that uplifting language and conversations are important. We just don't feel as bad about our deficiencies in those areas. So I get mad at him for his dirty jokes, and he gets mad at me for procrastinating temple trips. I thought this was fascinating because my little bubble world always assumes that everyone else thinks like I do. I'm not trying to say that one person is right and the other is wrong...I don't think either of us is a bad person, and I think it takes BOTH actions and words to make a truly great person. I guess we just try harder in different areas because we perceive those areas to be more important for whatever reason.

Thus my question: What makes you feel like a good person? Or a bad person? Is there anything that you emphasize, or are particularly sensitive to?

[Craig Jessop]

I think intention is a lot of it. That's why we're commanded not to judge -- we don't know the demons others are fighting. That being said, I don't care if you were abused by everybody from birth up, being an axe murderer is inappropriate, and we can properly judge someone! I guess you could say that we should judge others' actions and make a decision about how we interact with them, but it is entirely inappropriate to judge anothers' intentions.

I'm terrible at that. I'm working on it. I don't think that makes me a bad person, just because I understand what's right but don't always have the easiest time doing it.

[Indefinite Integral]

I think I'm in a third category. I feel good when I am thinking good things. I am hardest on myself when I start judging others or thinking mean thoughts. Also, when I act contrary to my thoughts. For example, I don't feel bad if I wake up and realize I forgot to read my scriptures when I went to bed at 3am. However, it often drives me to distraction when I start ignoring what I know is right. I guess for me, then, having good thoughts and then being true to those thoughts is what makes me feel like a good person.

As I was proofreading this post, I realized this sounds a lot like a book I just read, even though I wasn't even thinking about it as I wrote. Have any of you read The Anatomy of Peace? I really liked it, and apparently my own philosophies fit right in.

[FauxRaiden]

I think it's important to be a friend to everyone;regardless of their class, age, gender, race, etc. There's no reason we all can't be civil with each other despite some differences. That makes me feel like a good person. To this day I've never had a person I couldn't get along with, ranging literally from ex cons to stake presidents.

[Marduk]

I think I'm with Fauxraiden, but slightly tangential, I suppose. What makes me feel like I'm doing good (yes, doing good, not doing well) is when I can be a help to other people. Whether it is a simple physical act of service, a listening ear, or good advice, or simply a caring shoulder, if I can do these, I feel much better about my stance with God than if I'm doing the "sunday school answers" (go to church/temple, read the scriptures, pray) or than whether I'm saying or thinking nice things.

Alternately, it elevates my self worth (strangely enough) when I am the recipients of these same acts of kindness. A kind soul recently listened to me rant about a bout of depression I was just coming out of at that moment, and although she didn't really have any advice, after I had finished pouring out my heart, she gave me a hug and said, "I love you, and I'm sorry that you're not feeling happy." As odd as it may seem, doing enough that others take note and care about me makes me feel that I must be doing something right.

[krebscout]

All of them. I don't know if one trumps another. And I feel like a good person when I know I'm being a good mommy.

[Imogen]

i think actions speak so much to the nature of a person. i have a personal rule about anything i say behind your back, i'll gladly say to your face, good or bad. but not everyone is as brutally honest as i am. so if i know a person is talking smack about me behind my back, their other actions usually reflect that.

i feel good when i'm honest. i hate lying and liars. they have no place in my life, and i have ended friendships and relationships over people telling lies about me that got back to me. if you have to lie to feel good about yourself, i feel sorry for you. it amazes me how someone reacts like a caged animal when they're caught in a lie. i have been called all sorts of names for confronting people about their lies to me. but my life is WAY happier without liars in it.

[bobtheenchantedone]

I feel that I am a good person when I can look back on my day and see several things that I did "correctly." Things like getting up on time, being kind to siblings, reading my scriptures without waiting until the last minute, and getting work done.