Assuming someone is pregnant

[Rifka]

No one should ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER assume a woman is pregnant. And especially they should not assume someone is pregnant and CONGRATULATE her on it! Over FACEBOOK!!!!! Grrrrr! For some reason a random friend on facebook decided that I must be pregnant and congratulated me for the whole world to hear. I didn't think the profile picture she commented on even LOOKED pregnant (that's why I chose it, actually). And it's not like I'm not already struggling with my body image, having gained 50+ pounds in the last three years and not being able to lose it yet. I don't know why anyone would ever think they had the right to assume someone was pregnant!

Also, no one should assume that you had a baby just because you were tagged in a picture on facebook, holding a baby. There could be a bazillion reasons that you could have a picture of you holding a baby, that do not include the baby being your own! Don't people know how to look through the rest of an album to make sure it's really your baby before they post on your wall congratulating you?????

Rant over. Thanks for listening. I've been needing to vent for a while, but couldn't do it on facebook for obvious reasons.

[TheAnswerIs42]

Sad. I am truly amazed at people who assume "not as flat as a super-model" means you are pregnant. Ironically, I actually had a waitress ask me "how many will you have when this one comes?" the other day. Granted, I am actually a little pregnant, but I am currently in regular clothes for the most part- and was that night. Seriously, in this country, 90% of women look "pregnant" by that standard. That was the luckiest waitress I have ever seen that she guessed right.

Your facebook friend, on the other hand, was just an idiot. I think you look fine. Much better than a lot of women I know, actually. I am assuming, of course, that you didn't do that stupid "I'm __ weeks and craving ___ " status fad a couple of weeks ago. I hate those things, and most people got a "oh, you're pregnant?!" in reply.

What did you say back on facebook, by the way? I would have been tempted to have a rather biting remark if I were you.

[Rifka]

I most definitely didn't do that stupid craving game. If I'd done that, I'd have no right to be complaining about people assuming I'm pregnant.

I actually didn't say anything back. The friend that posted it was an older (i.e. 50's) woman from my mission, with whom I had lived for a transfer. I knew she didn't mean to be rude, and I decided it wasn't worth saying anything back to make her feel bad. So, I said nothing and hoped no one would notice it. A few weeks later a former roomate noticed the comment on the picture and asked when I was due, etc. and I sent her a private message to explain. Then I deleted both comments and hoped no one would notice. I am still tempted to go on sometime randomly and set my face book status to "is not pregnant, but will clearly inform you when I am!" just to stop anyone else from commenting. But, I'm waiting a little while so it doesn't look like a direct response to the initial comment on my picture. Plus, I hopefully will be pregnant soon and then it won't matter anyway. We'll see.

[Dragon Lady]

I have kind of the opposite problem. I am pregnant, 20 weeks along (so halfway), am definitely showing and can only wear maternity clothes now, but it's still only a little bump, so I still get people saying, "Oh! I didn't realize you were pregnant!" And I want to say, "Really? You just thought this bump was fat? You thought that I would wear clothing that specifically shows off that fat?"

Maybe it's due to the fact that my last pregnancy I never really got very big. So at 8 months people kept saying, "Oh, I wish I had looked that good" while the whole time I was thinking, "But I want to look pregnant!" And so this time around I'm just excited to look pregnant and I think I look pregnant, so when people don't see it, it's sad.

[NerdGirl]

Your stomach looks pretty flat to me in that picture, Rifka. Maybe the person who thought you were pregnant had lost her glasses or something. That's just weird. You're like half the size of me and no one ever asks me if I'm pregnant.

[Wisteria]

Now, if you were standing profile-ways with one hand on your stomach, I would say you were asking for it

[krebscout]

In April, two women asked me on two separate occasions over one weekend if I was pregnant. My daughter was seven months old at the time, and while I am not a slender person, I was losing postpartum weight consistently over that time period. Some people are just...pregnant happy? It's not you, it's them.

[Dead Cat]

I can't find it, but does anyone remember a commercial from some years back where two ladies meet in a grocery store and the following dialogue (more or less) occurs:

Lady 1: Ooh! You must be having a baby boy!
Lady 2: I'm not pregnant!
Lady 1: (reluctantly) You're not?
Lady 2: No! Why?!
Lady 1: (pauses) Thank you?

And the two ladies become at peace with one another. I think it might have been a Hallmark commercial or something.

[Marduk]

I.... don't get it.

[Katya]

I.... don't get it.

Saying "Thank You" fixes everything? (That's my guess if it was a Hallmark commercial.)

[Waldorf and Sauron]

Totally agree with you Rifka... but, I think it's the announcey pose, not your weight. The photo just says "I'm announcing something in this photograph!"

Anyway, you know what they say about assuming. That if somebody assumes about you, you assume right back. This is how you reply: "I didn't know YOU were pregnant! Must be twins!" Hakuna matata.

[Katya]

Totally agree with you Rifka... but, I think it's the announcey pose, not your weight. The photo just says "I'm announcing something in this photograph!"

I agree. I think she was misreading those cues. (Or rather, picking up cues where there were none.)

[Genuine Article]

As a prank, my brother-in-law (who was on a mission) told my in-laws when he called home on Mother's Day that my husband and I were having a baby. He served in SLC, so it was completely plausible that we might have seen him and told him at Conference, and my in-laws bought the whole story. So they called us and asked if we had any news. We didn't. Not even about a baby, they asked? We assured them there was no baby. And it all would have ended there except my father-in-law alluded to the prank very vaguely in his weekly email to my brother-in-law, which gets forwarded out to everyone, and the grandparents saw mention of us being pregnant and pretty soon they were congratulating my in-laws on entering the grandparent stage of life. Needless to say, when my brother-in-law got off his mission I punched him as hard as I could.

[TheAnswerIs42]

Totally agree with you Rifka... but, I think it's the announcey pose, not your weight. The photo just says "I'm announcing something in this photograph!"

I agree. I think she was misreading those cues. (Or rather, picking up cues where there were none.)

I dunno, I've never seen anyone announce pregnancy with their arms open wide. Usually people cradle their tummy for that. Arms open wide might announce "I conquered!", like you finished a term paper or a race or something, but I can't really picture that pose being useful here.

[Rifka]

Totally agree with you Rifka... but, I think it's the announcey pose, not your weight. The photo just says "I'm announcing something in this photograph!"

I agree. I think she was misreading those cues. (Or rather, picking up cues where there were none.)

I dunno, I've never seen anyone announce pregnancy with their arms open wide. Usually people cradle their tummy for that. Arms open wide might announce "I conquered!", like you finished a term paper or a race or something, but I can't really picture that pose being useful here.

Yeah, I figured it was the arms wide open that did it. I had them open like that because the picture was taken to show off my new haircut, about which I was very excited. Still, though, I would never assume someone was pregnant just because of a picture of them with arms thrown open. Oh well.

[UnluckyStuntman]

I have kind of the opposite problem. I am pregnant, 20 weeks along (so halfway), am definitely showing and can only wear maternity clothes now, but it's still only a little bump, so I still get people saying, "Oh! I didn't realize you were pregnant!" And I want to say, "Really? You just thought this bump was fat? You thought that I would wear clothing that specifically shows off that fat?"

I have this same problem, and it makes me a saaaaad panda.

[krebscout]

In April, two women asked me on two separate occasions over one weekend if I was pregnant. My daughter was seven months old at the time, and while I am not a slender person, I was losing postpartum weight consistently over that time period. Some people are just...pregnant happy? It's not you, it's them.

To further underscore my point, one of these SAME women asked me TONIGHT if I was pregnant. And I'm thinner now than I was then.

[NerdGirl]

Maybe it's not so much that you all actually look pregnant, but rather a passive-aggressive way of implying that the pregnancy-assumer thinks you are getting behind on your baby-making.

[krebscout]

My youngest daughter just turned one on September 13th. If that's the case, Nerdgirl, this lady has very strict standards.

[Whistler]

my guess is that this lady either wants to be pregnant or wants someone else close to her to be pregnant, so it's on her mind