Making out and its ramifications

[Katya]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/68973/

We can all be glad that God understands sunk costs.

Nice.

[mic0]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/68973/

We can all be glad that God understands sunk costs.

Nice.

As a slight aside, thanks yayfulness for actually answeing the question!

[Defy V]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/68973/

We can all be glad that God understands sunk costs.

Nice.

As a slight aside, thanks yayfulness for actually answeing the question!

werfity-werf-werf-werf. Wow.

[bobtheenchantedone]

I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that making out before marriage *gasp* is only going to have negative consequences. Why am I supposed to get married without having the tiniest bit of an idea how sexually compatible I am with that person?

[Portia]

I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that making out before marriage *gasp* is only going to have negative consequences. Why am I supposed to get married without having the tiniest bit of an idea how sexually compatible I am with that person?

This is Kirke. Resistance (or debate) is futile. And my credibility is probably nil because I have *gasp* made out with guys I'm not necessarily in a relationship with, and I'm not married. I haven't seen anyone so strict about kissing since FCSM.

As to the question itself, I had to do a find & replace for "werf" with "guy," which vastly improved the question by implying that it was a gay male leading on his gal pal. Werf is a pronoun, people, to replace he or she, not a noun to replace man/woman/person. >.< Yes, I am being prescriptivist (on two counts, lingusitic and lingual.

[Zedability]

I remember when I was dating my missionary, I had a roommate from Utah County who was super innocent. About a week after we started dating, my roommate randomly said, "I've never kissed a boy before", in what I always called her "righteous voice." I replied, "Well, you're 18, you can if you want to."

She was caught off-balance for a second, but then she rallied and said in the same superior tone, "Well, when I do kiss a boy, I won't kiss him until after his mission." I was too amused by the blatant lack of subtlety in her judgement to be annoyed.

That being said, I think there's different levels of making out. There are some types of making out where it's definitely a bad idea, in my opinion (like MSJ's story of the roommates making out in their garments in the living room, haha), but then there are types that aren't intrinsically a bad idea, and the problem with them just comes with how close you are to temptation and your ability to handle that. And then it's a judgement call for each individual couple, because everybody's different.

/18-year-old kissing opinions

[Portia]

I remember when I was dating my missionary, I had a roommate from Utah County who was super innocent. About a week after we started dating, my roommate randomly said, "I've never kissed a boy before", in what I always called her "righteous voice." I replied, "Well, you're 18, you can if you want to."

She was caught off-balance for a second, but then she rallied and said in the same superior tone, "Well, when I do kiss a boy, I won't kiss him until after his mission." I was too amused by the blatant lack of subtlety in her judgement to be annoyed.

That being said, I think there's different levels of making out. There are some types of making out where it's definitely a bad idea, in my opinion (like MSJ's story of the roommates making out in their garments in the living room, haha), but then there are types that aren't intrinsically a bad idea, and the problem with them just comes with how close you are to temptation and your ability to handle that. And then it's a judgement call for each individual couple, because everybody's different.

/18-year-old kissing opinions

I had something of a crush on a guy who had not yet gone on a mission who had never kissed a girl or done anything like unto it. He's pretty socially awkward as it (read: really socially awkward), and I wholly doubt the advisability of waiting til you're 21 years old to move into that realm. Then again, I'm dating a guy who did just that, and he seemed to lose no time afterwards.

[bobtheenchantedone]

I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that making out before marriage *gasp* is only going to have negative consequences. Why am I supposed to get married without having the tiniest bit of an idea how sexually compatible I am with that person?

This is Kirke. Resistance (or debate) is futile. And my credibility is probably nil because I have *gasp* made out with guys I'm not necessarily in a relationship with, and I'm not married. I haven't seen anyone so strict about kissing since FCSM.

But I can't help it! As my about-to-be-posted topic in RR proves.

[Portia]

I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that making out before marriage *gasp* is only going to have negative consequences. Why am I supposed to get married without having the tiniest bit of an idea how sexually compatible I am with that person?

This is Kirke. Resistance (or debate) is futile. And my credibility is probably nil because I have *gasp* made out with guys I'm not necessarily in a relationship with, and I'm not married. I haven't seen anyone so strict about kissing since FCSM.

But I can't help it! As my about-to-be-posted topic in RR proves.

If you don't make out before marriage, how is a decade of conception going to work out for ya? Sounds traumatizing.

[bobtheenchantedone]

Even when I was a little Molly Mormon, I would still wonder to myself... I had heard of people not being sexually compatible, and that it could put an end to a relationship, and wondered how on earth people managed if they didn't find out until after being married. I was also surprisingly smart enough to realize that the transition from don't-even-think-about-it to do-it-now, if done over the period of, say, the wedding night, was probably pretty awkward.

Not that I am advocating all sorts of sexy times before marriage, of course. Just that trying to completely avoid it until the moment your hands are joined is probably a pretty bad idea.

Also. You finally get to have sex, so you IMMEDIATELY have as many babies as physically possible? Come on, enjoy it for a while!

[UffishThought]

Are we sure he knows about birth control? Maybe he doesn't realize it's possible to wait!

[Laser Jock]

Even when I was a little Molly Mormon, I would still wonder to myself... I had heard of people not being sexually compatible, and that it could put an end to a relationship, and wondered how on earth people managed if they didn't find out until after being married. I was also surprisingly smart enough to realize that the transition from don't-even-think-about-it to do-it-now, if done over the period of, say, the wedding night, was probably pretty awkward.

Not that I am advocating all sorts of sexy times before marriage, of course. Just that trying to completely avoid it until the moment your hands are joined is probably a pretty bad idea.

I've heard this idea quite a bit, and I have to say...although making out is marginally closer to sex than a quick kiss is, there's still a huge, huge gap there.

[Imogen]

I have made out. I have had sex. Making out doesn't always lead to sex, though it can certainly lead to WANTING sex (unless the person is a terrible kisser).

If he has a problem with WANTING sex...that's weird. I think most people want sex, even if they decide to wait until they're married to have it. Deciding to wait for something doesn't mean you can NEVER EVER WANT IT EVER.

If he thinks all people are out of control sexual maniacs who make out and then must have sex....well, that's just not true. Making out doesn't even mean you're touching a person's sensitive areas. It can really just be kissing a LOT (even with your clothes totally on, MSJ's weird sounding roommates). It can even be done standing up! It's a versatile thing like that.

[bobtheenchantedone]

Even when I was a little Molly Mormon, I would still wonder to myself... I had heard of people not being sexually compatible, and that it could put an end to a relationship, and wondered how on earth people managed if they didn't find out until after being married. I was also surprisingly smart enough to realize that the transition from don't-even-think-about-it to do-it-now, if done over the period of, say, the wedding night, was probably pretty awkward.

Not that I am advocating all sorts of sexy times before marriage, of course. Just that trying to completely avoid it until the moment your hands are joined is probably a pretty bad idea.

I've heard this idea quite a bit, and I have to say...although making out is marginally closer to sex than a quick kiss is, there's still a huge, huge gap there.

True. : ) But at this point I'm not necessarily talking just about making out any more, but the mindset that you have to stay as far away from sex as possible before getting married, which would manifest itself in thinking that even making out is going too far. I don't think you have to have sex to have an idea of sexual compatibility (though of course that would be the easy way...) I won't go into specifics, but through various means, none of which I think are inappropriate (but many others would!), I have reason to believe that Marduk and I are sexually compatible. We won't know for sure unless we get married, of course, but having this level of confidence calms a lot of my own fears.

[Concealocanth]

Well maybe I'm overreacting, and heaven knows I disagree with Kirke a lot, but I find discussing his future sex life to be a little crass... at best.

[Zedability]

Well maybe I'm overreacting, and heaven knows I disagree with Kirke a lot, but I find discussing his future sex life to be a little crass... at best.

Agreed

[Marduk]

Well maybe I'm overreacting, and heaven knows I disagree with Kirke a lot, but I find discussing his future sex life to be a little crass... at best.

It sounds more like we're talking about my future sex life than his. Perhaps that's just as....crass?

[Laser Jock]

And here I thought we were talking about intimacy before (and within) marriage, in general.

I agree that we shouldn't speculate about specific people's private business, but I think there's plenty of room to discuss the topic without going there.

[Zedability]

I agree that we shouldn't speculate about specific people's private business, but I think there's plenty of room to discuss the topic without going there.

Oh absolutely. I just feel like there have been some jokes about Kirke that seem a little unfair when he's not participating in the conversation.

[Marduk]

If there's something you'd specifically like me to take a look at, you can message me. But I don't think we've crossed the line. He is more than welcome to come and voice his opinion, and this conversation is happening in a public forum, where he can be privy to anything that is said. I don't think all the posts have been relevant to the general conversation (as LJ has reminded us of what the topic in fact, is) but we can remedy that!