Does that mean we just throw the parents out the window? I suppose it depends on the couple and their relationship with their families.
I'm only all-too-eager to defenestrate my family from my personal, romantic, and marital life. I would be very angry and annoyed were any inamorato of mine viewed my relationship with my father as any sort of property exchange. I haven't lived in my father's household for ten years and I strongly disapprove of his marital choices.
I've taken my grandmother's views on my boyfriends into account because unlike my father she has sound judgment and understands me as a person, but I certainly don't need her permission to live my life.
Ironically enough, unlike Zedability or (I assume?) Anne I'm not denying my father and refusing his name: I'm keeping it. So, I find that funny.
Questions such as these certainly strike people like you or I differently than most (if not all) writers. My parents would almost certainly say no to Marduk because they don't like his politics or his person - but then again, would they go ahead and say yes because they've already given up on me as a member of the family?
The Epistler was quite honestly knocked on her ethereal behind by the sheer logic of this.
Like I said, though, my opinion is your SO's should listen to your opinions and follow that first, thereby NOT asking the father in these situations. Whereas I would have wanted it.
Any guy who asks to marry me will have to ask my mom, not my dad. She was my custodial parent growing up, and I'm way closer to her than my dad. My dad hasn't met a single guy I've dated so he gets no say.
Should I ask my SO's parents' permission or blessing? Every conversation we've had about his family has sent me to the point of a sub-panic attack. It's been really bad.
We don't live near them and they like neither my politics nor my personality (but I don't think they'd outright say "no," I'm a vast improvement on their daughter's batsh** husband, LOL).
Whistler wrote:no, don't worry about it, although it sounds like you should find a way to talk about his family without panicking.
Maybe. Or I could just ignore it and it will go away except for a possible yearly vacation. (This is where I envy my best friend's marital situation. She's a Russian orphan. They don't want kids. It's beautifully simple.)
Asking my dad's permission absolutely never crossed Marx's mind. (I assumed that was true, then I asked him just to confirm, and he said, "*()$#@, no. That's a gross over-reach of familial power.") To me the main objection is patriarchy.
I know of situations where the couple has sat down with one or the other set of parents to sort of ask for a blessing? The situation that comes to mind, my friend was super close with her family and her family adored him. "Asking for permission" seemed too old-fashioned, but they did want to do something to involve them in the event. So the four of them went out to dinner and the parents dispensed wisdom, or something.
I don't know that they did anything similar with his parents, but he wasn't super-close to his own family.
I told my husband I would appreciate it if he would talk to (not necessarily ask) my parents even though they already knew what was going on. I only did this because I knew my mom would be upset otherwise. My dad was kind of like "whatever" about it because I was 27 and knew I could take care of myself.
When husband and I were talking about getting married, my dad was out of the country for a month and a half on business, so it was all oddly timed. I'm pretty sure my dad was like, "oh you want to marry her? ya, I'm pretty sure her mom already booked the venue. well, I guess if you can stand us that's pretty cool. so uhhh, wanna go fishing?"
NovemberEast wrote:My dad was kind of like "whatever" about it because I was 27 and knew I could take care of myself.
If I have a daughter, I hope that what I'm able to say about myself, she'll be able to say about herself. That's pretty much my one criterion. Assuming my non-existent daughter even wants to get married.
