#86602 - Apostates Anonymous

[acp]

This was me. First off, thank you all for your answers.

It's been a week since I called my mom. After some awkward small talk, I let her know that my wife and I weren't going to church and that this was a permanent and deliberate decision. First she said she "had a feeling" this was the case. Then she asked if my issues were with the church or its members and if our decision was mutual. It went surprisingly well, though she did express concern about how we might raise our (nonexistent) children outside the structure of organized religion. She agreed to tell my dad for me.

Last night we talked again and she said my dad took the news a lot better than she expected. (He's much more religious than her). He said he wasn't surprised because of some things he's heard my wife say. My mom told him that she understood our decision to be mutual and that if he blames my wife then my in laws probably blame me. My mom said she was shocked at how calm he was. He thinks I'll go back.

I haven't talked to my dad myself yet (although I'm going to see him in three days!) and there's certainly a lot to work through, but I feel a big weight off my shoulders. Even though I've opened up a can of worms, I'm happy to not be hiding this anymore. (Still hiding the coffee though; somehow easier to tell my mom I'm an atheist than to tell her about my adult drinking habits). Ultimately I think this will be good for our relationship. We don't talk or see each other that much and I'm hoping more honesty will help change that.

[Cognoscente]

I was where you are last year. It's been a little rough at times, but in the end it's been for the best. Good luck!

[Portia]

<insert rant about lots and lots and lots of research about the benefits of raising children outside religion>

[yayfulness]

Well, you're officially doing better than me. (It does make it easier when you and your spouse make the same decision for the same reasons.) Good job, and best of luck in the long term!