The BYU 100 hour Board disagreed with me (Cuddles) who asked this question #52904. However, here in this forum, more people seem to be of like mind. I thought I would give the most recent back-and-forth dialog between me and the 100 hour board, some of the statistics, and quotations, web addresses. I just wanted to say I think the discussion is healthy, but I also agree with NerdGirl that we shouldn't stress out about it. The very last of the responses below is the lattest:
The Question of Plural Marriage and Fairness, Equality?
http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php
QDear 100 Hour Board,
Before I joined the LDS Church many years ago (1973), I had 2 issues that I was uncomfortable with: (1.) Blacks not holding the Priesthood, (2.) Plural Marriage. I joined the church after 1978 comforting (to some degree) my position about blacks. I also felt that Plural Marriage was not practiced anymore, and not a necessity to enter into the celestial kingdom. I felt that the Lord would help me to understand, if this principle of the Gospel were ever re-instituted. So I joined the church having a testimony of Joseph Smith, and the Book of Mormon, and accepted the other principles of the gospel I was not comfortable with, ON FAITH!
Years later, my French Girlfriend (2000) had an issue with us getting married in the Temple because of the History of Plural Marriage in the church (Yes, she was an RM, go figure). French RM felt that this made women not equal with men, or a possession, chattel of men by participating in Plural Marriage. French RM therefore did NOT want a Temple Marriage, or anything to do with the Temple.
As I have explained, this was a difficult subject for me, but I argued that without the new and everlasting covenant of Eternal marriage she would become as the angels, a servant of the most high. Whereas, if she participated, and lived by celestial laws, she would be resurrected as a Queen, Priestess, & Goddess in Father in Heavens Highest Degree of glory in the Celestial Kingdom. And this was not chattel!
French RM felt, no matter how you cut the cards, Men get to marry more Women, and that's not fair! I responded, fairness, equality, are we asking the right questions? Men and Women are not supposed to be equal in the sense of being the same, no more than you could say a left shoe was the same (or equal) with the right. Imagine a person trying to walk with 2 left shoes? Awkward at best, don’t you think? The shoe's should work together as a pair, a team, each with different responsibilities. In marriage, we are 2 halves of 1 whole, we have different purposes, different stewardships. The Husband to Preside, Protect, & Provide for the family, and the Wife to Nurture & Care for the children (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, SLC, 23 Sep 1995). This is not equal (as-in the same), this is of course different. This is 2 people dividing up the responsibilities of marriage, and working together as a team. This is not 2 people competing with each other. For example, if both worked, then who would take care of the children? Child care workers? Strangers? Sadly, none of my answers would satisfy her. So I went to talk to the President of my Local Temple on this subject. I also fasted, prayed, and studied about the matter. I kept asking myself the same question, over and over, why! I then came to this conclusion:
If there were an equal number of men & women in the Celestial Kingdom then Plural Marriage would frustrate the Lords plan of salvation and eternal life. This because not all would be able to participate, if some men were marrying more than their share of women. If there were more righteous men than women in the celestial kingdom then Plural Marriage again, would frustrate the Lords Plan of Salvation.
However, there is a 3rd possibility. What if there are more righteous women, living the Celestial law, than men here on Earth? And since the Lord has promised ALL will have opportunity to participate in Eternal Marriage (DC 132:3 is Law and must obey, 1 Ne 3:7 No commandment given, unless a way is prepared). Therefore, if there are more women in the celestial kingdom, this because of free agency. And also because of men’s natural tendency to be more violent (e.g. Men more aggressive, hunter, gatherer vs. women’s tendency to nurture, and be less violent). Under these circumstances, Plural Marriage would be the only solution for ALL of the women to receive the FULL MEASURE OF THIER CREATION, and become Queens, Priestesses, and Goddesses in Father in Heavens Celestial Kingdom. So I checked The U.S. Department of Justice Statistics that showed men were 6 times more likely to be imprisoned than women, see below:
(
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/crimoff.htm).
“Lifetime likelihood of going to State or Federal prison
• If recent incarceration rates remain unchanged, an estimated 1 of every 15 persons (6.6%) will serve time in a prison during their lifetime.
• Lifetime chances of a person going to prison are higher for
-- men (11.3%) than for women (1.8%).â€
The above statistic supports my theory. What do you think? If women understood that it was there own tendency for obedience to the gospel, greater than men, that this seeming unfair situation has occurred. Women have to share the few righteous men who make it to the Celestial Kingdom, in order for ALL to participate in the new and Everlasting covenant of Eternal marriage as promised by God. If the ratio is similar to the above statistic, then 84% women, and 16% men would occupy the Celestial Kingdom. Let’s hope that the celestial percentage is better than that listed above. A thorough answer to this question, in all its avenues & directions, would be sincerely appreciated.
With love,
Cuddles.
ADear Cuddles~
This is not an uncommon theory, and I begrudgingly accept that it's a possibility, but I really really doubt it's the case. I think some fallacious assumptions that lead to people thinking this way are:
1. That there's a magical moral line drawn in space, and everyone above the line is "righteous" and everyone below the line is "unrighteous." I readily accept that some people will go to the Celestial Kingdom and be eternally married, and some people will not, but I strongly suspect that the process isn't as simple as we usually think.
2. That we can judge anyone else's level of "righteousness" ever. Under any circumstances. The fact is that we don't know what other people's situations are, what motivations or extenuating circumstances they might be under, or frankly anything. There is only one person whose righteousness I can reliably judge, and that person is me. I'm an extremist when it comes to this view. (Before people flame me to death, yes you can pass interim judgments on people when selecting whom you date and bishops can act as Judges etc. etc., but not even bishops have the final say on who goes to the Celestial Kingdom.)
3. I reject point-blank the notion that women are inherently more righteous than men, and vice-versa. I do that on principle, though. The Hunter/Aggressive instinct is provably stronger in men, but I don't believe we should remove one modicum of their accountability because of it. Women are not without their vices.
Now I want to address what I see as the real issue, which is the question you didn't ask:
Why are you marrying this girl? I mean, seriously, if she's an RM, she knows the Church doesn't objectify women, and if she's been through the temple endowment ceremony, she's seen that women are given a place of great prominence in the Kingdom of God (as you pointed out). I strongly suspect there's something else going on in French RM's life that is making her squeamish about a temple marriage, and that she's using the tired (and nonsensical) sexism line as an excuse.
I want to ask you as gently as an anonymous Internet writer possibly can: Is this girl really worth it?
~Hobbes
QDear 100 Hour Board,
Regarding Board Question #52838:
The Question was why is it fair for Men to marry more women, and women to only marry one man in the context of DC132, the New and Everlasting Covenant of Eternal Marriage? Even today, if a man outlives his first wife of an Eternal Marriage Covenant, then he can marry a 2nd wife, if she is NOT sealed to anyone else, and living by Temple standards. Then in the Resurrection (if all live by the Celestial Laws) all 3 of them will be together, the man & his 2 wives. This happened to a friend of mine whose wife died of cancer at a young age. How does the Lord justify Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, as also Moses, David, and Solomon, [Joseph Smith, Brigham Young & others] as touching the principle and doctrine of having many wives, and concubines.
Hobbes commented:"...there's no magical line drawn in space ... that we can judge anyone else's level of "righteousness", ... and that [Hobbes] rejects point-blank the notion that women are inherently more righteous than men..."
Well, Hobbes did not address the question of WHY? So I will ask it again. Hobbes rejects the conclusion, but offer's no General Authority quote from a speech, or statistic listed online or anywhere. Hobbes statement that we cannot judge anyone INDIVIDUALLY for certainty of worthiness to the Celestial Kingdom, I agree, but that is not what I said, and she is arguing a different point.
This also does not change the math, nor refute the statistic that there are 6 times as many men in United States prison than women. And this does not address the conclusion, that if there are an equal number of men & women (in general) in the celestial kingdom, or more men than women in the celestial kingdom, that the Lords Plan of Salvation (Plan of Redemption) would be frustrated. God has promised ALL who read DC 132 that it is law and a commandment unto them DC 132:3, and the prophet Nephi has taught that any commandment given, that there is a way prepared (1 Ne 3:7), and Alma and Mormon have both taught about Gods Plan of Redemption, and that if God is not just, or does not keep his word, that he would cease to be God, Alma 42:13,22,25 and Morm 9:15,19.
So does anyone want to address the question of Fairness, or Equality with regard to the plurality of wives, and DC 132, the New & Everlasting Covenant of Eternal Marriage? Is Plural marriage the solution to the inherent tendencies of Men to be more violent (hunter, gatherer types) than women who tend to be less violent, or more nurturing. If the below United States Prison statistic was similar to the Celestial Kingdom there would be 84% women, and 16% men. I hope the percentage is better, I (like Hobbes) want it to be equal, but all of the data points in a different direction. I need more than just a feeling, to answer this question logically.
To directly answer Hobbes question (which is off-point) Is French RM worth it? That was the year 2000, and I have moved on, but the question French RM raised remains unanswered. I appreciate the time that caring people at The Board spend trying to help others. I have recently run into a few investigators that have touched on this subject again, and thought that I and others could benefit from some research, and insight on this issue. This is not about me & my love life. This question is about our Religion, and how we explain our conduct, and the conduct of General Authorities in the 1800's. This question has got to be the Number One concern People have, before joining our church. These are my thoughts, please share with me yours.
Sincerely, Cuddles.
Show/Hide Responses
ACuddles-
You ask, "Is it fair?" I'll tell you right now that no, it's probably not fair, but that doesn't matter. It's the way God has decided to do things, and he does not have to justify himself to you or to anyone else. To ask for an explanation of why God does things from a bunch of college students and college graduates, even if you do include statistics, is foolish. You ought to be asking God, because he can give you a far better answer than us. Anything we say is speculation, and if you take the speculation we offer and say it's not good enough, why should we feel like answering again?
I will say, however, that God expects us to strive for perfection, and I doubt that he would expect so little of us as to put in place a commandment that covers for us if we don't. Therefore, I think your theory is bogus.
That's my thought.
- Cuddlefish
ADear Cuddles,
I'll add a strong second to everything Cuddlefish has said (especially the second paragraph) and I'll add that using one statistic that already correlates with your theory is not good evidence. Correlation is not causation. Not in any form of science, and definitely not pertaining to the things of God. Also, it's a statistic that only applies to the United States, not the entire realm of humanity. You don't know whether or not the correlation is caused by societal factors in the United States rather than inherent qualities of mankind.
We can't explain to you how it's fair. I really don't think it is. But it is what it is. I'd recommend a little of Joseph Smith's advice, that whatever God requires is right. We know that it's an important enough principle that it had to be reinstated for at least a time as part of the Restoration. Beyond that, the reasons are left to God.
-habiba
ADear Cuddles,
When the Lord has discussed the practice of plural marriage, he has never addressed this. It's true that there are more female members of the Church in the United States (56% female), but simply looking at the United States is a bit myopic for a worldwide church, right? Church demographics generally coincide with national gender ratios (frequently slightly more women than men) but, in contrast, the majority of saints in Africa are male. (See Figure 11 here.)
What does this tell us about the demographics of the Celestial Kingdom? Not a lot. Actually, more men are born into this world than women (1.05:1) though the ratio of living men to women is much closer due to a longer life expectancy (1.013:1). We know the Lord gives us all an equal chance in this life, regardless of gender, and so I personally expect men and women to be fairly equally represented in the Celestial Kingdom, but the Lord has never commented on this. Additionally, though this is uncommon, there have been instances of women being sealed to more than one man (see Bushman's Rough Stone Rolling), so we can't really be sure how things will be worked out.
We do know that the Lord prefers monogamy, and that polygamy is the exception rather than the rule. And, in fact, the Lord's stated justification for occasional polygamy has nothing to do with evening out demographic anomalies: "Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none ... For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up seed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things." (Jacob 2: 27, 30).
Love,
Waldorf and Sauron
For United States 56% Female Statistic click on below website, Select DEMOGRAPHICS, and then MORMON, then look at the 3rd chart from the top, GENDER COMPOSITES OF MORMONS. There are less than 0.1923% of the Church Membership in Africa. This means the one continent of Africa where there are more Males than Females is not statistically significant, since all of the other countries (99.8077%) list more Females as members.
http://religions.pewforum.org/portraits
As can be seen above Waldorf and Sauron’s sited graph shows 120 Males to 100 females in Africa in 1990.
However, what they did not say is that the ratio of Females is higher in S. Pacific, Utah, US West, US East, Canada, Asia, Mex.-C.Am., S.America, and Europe.
http://www.allaboutmormons.com/number_of_mormons.php
Number of Mormons
• Worldwide, there are over 13 million Mormons, nearly the same as the number of Jews.
• In the United States the LDS Church is the 4th largest individual denomination with over 5.5 million members, a population about equal to the number of Muslims.
• Only 12% of all Mormons live in Utah. Most Mormons do not live in North America.
• Aside from the United States, other regions with significant numbers of Mormons include Mexico and Asia (1 million members each), South America (3 million members), and Central America and Europe (about half a million each). The rapid growth the Church has been experiencing in Africa, where the number of Mormons already passes a quarter of a million, is particularly exciting [0.1923% of Church Population].
• After Catholics, the LDS Church is the largest religion by number in ten U.S. states.
Church Almanac 2006.
I believe the debate is healthy. As to the question: "Is Plural marriage fair?" I believe it would be MORE unfair to deny the Sisters the opportunity to participate in Eternal Marriage as promised by the Lord through his prophet Nephi (1 Ne 3:7), and as commanded by the Lord for all who read about Eternal Marriage and plurality of wives, DC 132:3, 38.
I appreciate the Board answering my question this first time, the other was about my love life, which was off-point and does not count. The statistic that Waldorf and Sauron found where there are more members Male than Female in Africa is NOT statistically significant since they represent only (0.19%) of the population of the Church (250,000/13,000,000). And where on that same graph that Waldorf and Sauron found, it shows that (98.8%) of the population of the church has more Females than Male. This statistic and chart that Waldorf and Sauron found, overwhelmingly supports my hypothesis that DC 132 IS A SOLUTION to what Waldorf and Sauron called "Demographic Anomalies", or as I call it, the sisters need to share the few Male Members who are in the Celestial Kingdom, so that they can fulfill the full measure of their creation, and become Goddesses, Priestesses, and Queens in the Highest Degree of Glory in Father's Kingdom. Cuddlefish, Habiba, and Waldorf and Sauron, have not offered a theory that explains how it could be otherwise.
It is simple math!! How can it be "Bogus" as Cuddlefish stated? How can he explain the Math: If there are an equal number of men and women, and if even for a small period of time Plural Marriage were instituted (which is not the case), then there would not be sufficient numbers of women to marry these men, as has been promised by Nephi that a way would be prepared (1 Ne 3:7). So for Plural marriage to make sense, for God to be true, just, and fair, there must be more women than men in the celestial kingdom. Otherwise God would cease to be God, as stated by Alma, and Mormon, (Alma 42:13,22,25 and Morm 9:15,19). How can Cuddlefish or anyone explain otherwise, if the ratio's were equal, or worse yet, if there were more Men in the Celestial Kingdom the Women?
To put it simply, if we imagine a game of musical chairs in the Celestial Kingdom, where God has promised ALL a chair to sit on (Eternal Marriage), and there are 10 brothers sitting on 10 chairs, and 12 sisters circling the chairs waiting for the music to stop (Judgment Day over) and sit on one of these brethren's lap. Then only 10 could sit, 2 would be left standing, and not participating in Eternal Marriage which is necessary to be in the Highest Degree of Glory in the Celestial Kingdom (DC 131:2)? And as we can clearly see from the charts that Waldorf and Sauron have revealed, there appear to be more Women members than Men worldwide at this time. So even if Men and Women are equal in their obedience to Celestial laws, then there would still be more women than men in the Celestial Kingdom, thereby again supporting my theory. But all of the statistics that I have been able to gather, both in the United States and Worldwide point to Men being more violent, and less obedient to the Celestial Laws than women (Note to Habiba, just google it!!) Again, supporting my theory, that the doctrine of Plural Wives is a Solution to men's less obedient nature. And since not even God can deny our free agency, the doctrine of plurality of wives becomes the best and only solution. Men who outlive their wives, can remarry in the temple today for Time and All Eternity. So in the Eternal sense of the Word, we are obeying the Laws of the Land per the Articles of Faith, and yet still participating occasionally and voluntarily in the doctrine of Plurality of wives which has existed since the beginning of time as stated by the Lord (DC 132:38)!
I agree with part of what Habiba said: "...not the entire realm of humanity", we do not have the capability of knowing the statistics of the calculated 70 billion that have been born to the Earth so far. But what we can easily surmise is that Plurality of wives is the rule, and not the exception. DC 132:38 "David also received many wives and concubines, and also Solomon and Moses my servants, as also many others of my servants, from the beginning of creation until this time; and in nothing did they sin save in those things which they received not of me." So as the Lord said, many others from the beginning of creation until this time sounds like the rule, and not the exception as Waldorf and Sauron have concluded. And the quotation from Jacob 2:27, 30 is the exception. This because the New & Everlasting Covenant of Eternal marriage was not in effect with Jacob at that location, and time, this because of the unrighteousness of their husbands. Does this sound like the Lord agrees with my theory, that men are inherently less obedient than women. The Lord speaks fondly of the women (fair daughters) at this time, see below. Jacob 2:31,32:
“31 For behold, I, the Lord, have seen the sorrow, and heard the mourning of the daughters of my people in the land of Jerusalem, yea, and in all the lands of my people, because of the wickedness and abominations of their husbands.
32 And I will not suffer, saith the Lord of Hosts, that the cries of the fair daughters of this people, which I have led out of the land of Jerusalem, shall come up unto me against the men of my people, saith the Lord of Hosts.â€
So during the time of Jacob 544BC to 421BC, the Husbands were not worthy of this Higher law of Eternal marriage, and so they were not offered it, as we were in 1843AD when DC 132 was made public. And there were no Temples to perform such sacred ceremonies of Eternal marriage, and plural marriage at this time when Jacob spoke. However, there are now more temples on the Earth today, than at any other time in the history of the World! This is the age of restoration, and the commandment of Plural Wives & Eternal Marriage was reinstituted, and only discontinued due to the passage of what the church felt was an unconstitutional law which deprived us of our freedom of religion or exercise of our faith according to the dictates of our own conscious. The church wanting to continue plural marriage challenged this law, until it was ruled against by the Supreme court, Reynolds v. United States, 98 U.S. 145 (1878),
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reynolds_v._United_States. This was not rescinded by the Lord, but became the lesser of 2 evils, for we have pledged, and have been commanded to obey the laws of the land, A of F 1:12. Below the Chart or Graph by Waldorf and Sauron does not appear, but the web address, and my comments do. And the statistic, and web address of how many members are on the African Continent are also listed below.
So if Cuddles is wrong, then how does the BYU Board explain the math? If there are an equal number of men and women, or more men than women in the Celestial kingdom, how can we all have a path prepared for us to participate in Eternal marriage as promised by God through the Prophet Nephi (1 Ne 3:7)? How can the Board explain the Musical Chairs?
Sincerely, Cuddles.