Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

I was once in a Sunday School class where the teacher said that if you weren't born in the covenant, you can't go to the Celestial Kingdom. I'm pretty sure Joseph Smith and Brigham Young are going to end up there, though.

Poor people are poor because they're unrighteous. (It wasn't actually stated that way, but it followed logically from what was said.)

No one will be resurrected until the millennium, except for Christ. When I show the teacher a scripture that clearly states otherwise I was told to go home and pray about my salvation.

Are you serious?

This guy was talking about scriptures (Just last Sunday! not in my own ward):

We've written the book of Joseph, the book of Brigham, the book of Wilford, the book of Joseph Fielding, the book of Harold B., the book of Spencer W., the book of Ezra Taft, and now we're writing the book of Marion G.

From the same talk:

This weekend, we will have a chance to learn great truths: First on Friday night, then twice Saturday, then a session Saturday night for the brethren.

Another time, I was visiting a ward (a different one, not my home ward. Again), and the lady started bearing her testimony about how a certain Mel Gibson movie just built her testimony SO much, and how she could feel the spirit all the way through it, and how it helped her to find the gospel again. I'll make you cheesecake if you can guess what movie it was. [ = That one was pretty classic. Also, in several Sunday school lessons, we've discussed semi-forbidden things. But nothing really bad.

... I'm guessing NOT the passion of the christ? Cause that would be the logical answer.

I hope it was Braveheart. That would be awesome! I remembered another little gem - my dad was teaching Priesthood one time, and he said something about how everyone gets resurrected, regardless of anything they did in their lives or whether they accepted the gospel or not and that sort of thing. Some guy started ranting about how that was false doctrine, and why did people in the church keep saying that over and over again when it was so obvious from the scriptures that only really, really good people would get resurrected.

In one of my classes, when I was say 13 or 14, our teacher told us

You are the chosen generation. All of you will be alive when Christ comes.

I was sorely tempted to raise my hand and ask if that would still be true if I stepped out in front of a bus tomorrow, but I refrained.

I also went to a class where the teacher promised us that if we got in to at least the telestial kingdom, then we could always advance later, so we didn't have to stress that much about getting to the celestial kingdom.

Gotta love interesting classes!

This is kind of related but didn't happen during Church, but my husband told me this story from his mission afterward: A member of the local branch was bearing her testimony about tithing to one of their investigators. She said that because she had recently paid her tithing, she got really lucky when she went to the casinos the day before, and couldn't wait to pay her tithing again next month.

As for the Mel Gibson movie, I'm going to say it was The Patriot...

Your story, Sky Bones, reminds me of a time when the prophet Joseph Fielding Smith was traveling through Las Vegas. They stopped for the prophet to use the bathroom. While Jesse (I think is the name) was waiting for her husband she saw a slot machine and just couldn't resist the temptation. She took out a quarter and put it in the slot. She won! The coins were tumbling out of the machine as President Smith walked out of the bathroom. He took one look at the situation, looked sternly at his wife and said, "I guess you know what this means? Next week you're going to have to pay tithing on that!" I believe the story to be true. I heard it from a relative of Joseph Fielding Smith, speaking at a BYU fireside. I hope I remember the details accurately.

I've heard, second hand, of testimonies spoken at Fast and Testimony meetings of the kind, "I know the gospel is true because I prayed for a new Cadillac, and my husband just bought me one." Or, "I know the gospel is true because I've heard that Walt Disney married a Mormon."

My earliest remembrance of an outrageous false thing was told to me by a Sunday school teacher when I was about 4 years old. The teacher told us that Jesus was very good, and only told two or three lies in his life, and that they were only little white lies anyway.

I've heard far too many lessons and testimonies on the Spirit World that are based on other people's near-death/coma experiences. That's always fun.

habiba wrote:I've heard far too many lessons and testimonies on the Spirit World that are based on other people's near-death/coma experiences. That's always fun.

My math teacher and his friend wrote about an experience like that that happened to his friend's daughter.

Juuust for the record, no one is right yet. Please keep guessing. This game is fun for me. [ =

Signs?

The Patriot? Apocalypto?

Yeah my next guess would have been Apocalypto, so in that case, I'll say What Women Want instead.

Krebscout was right. Like I said, TRUE STORY. [ =

Yahoo.

You good on that cheesecake?

Giovanni Schwartz wrote:Krebscout was right. Like I said, TRUE STORY. [ =

So aliens cousins to the Wicked Witch of the East are great testimony builders? Maybe this means that the devil will melt or steam if we throw water at him...

krebscout wrote:Yahoo.

You good on that cheesecake?

I would be, except for the part where I've been to Utah 3 times in my life, and none in the past year. And I've heard cheesecake doesn't ship well.