Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

To make a long story short, for my college graduation present two years ago, my dad offered to make available to me a large sum of money (as much as $2000-ish, although the exact amount wasn't specified) if I needed it while living in Uganda. I haven't needed the money, and I'm moving back to the States in a few months. So now he wants to know what he can do for me for graduation, instead.

I'm torn between wanting something practical, or something fun. The practical side includes things like the title deed to the car I've been driving for five years that technically still belongs to him. Or some money to help me get back on my feet after I move. Things that will help me to become financially independent sooner.

On the other hand, I really, really want to spend a week or two in Europe before I cross the Atlantic again. I also have dreams of climbing Kilimanjaro before I die.

If it were you, what would you choose? I'm especially interested in hearing from some of you who are perhaps a bit older, or at least more financially independent. Have you sacrificed expensive dreams for the sake of not being in debt or not mooching from parents? Do you regret it, or is the satisfaction of being independent worth it?

I think it depends on your priorities. Personally, I don't make traveling a very big priority, so I would gladly delay any trip for the sake of order in my finances. But some people are pretty obsessed with traveling (sounds like it's important to you), so it's probably different for different people.

If I were choosing, I would think about the feasibility of doing these things on my own dime and on my own time. For example, if you delay your trip for a couple years, will you be able to afford it without the help of your parents? Will you be in a position to take a week or two off work? One thing that's really frustrating about my husband's job is the fact that he gets very little vacation time (we're talking 8 federal holidays and 2 days of our choosing), so it's really hard for us to travel. If you've got a spare week or two right now, it might be smart to take your trip before your life suddenly gets infested with work schedules. Or kids. Or whatever else you've got on your plate. I don't think many students realize that you lose certain freedoms when you graduate and get a real job -- one of the biggest ones being your schedule and availability. It can be a lot harder to just take random trips on a whim. (But that also depends on who you work for.)

If you take a trip now, will you have to get into debt to get back on your feet? Will you have to buy the car, or will your dad still let you drive it?

I went to Jerusalem right before I graduated on a study abroad. It cost me $7,000 that I didn't have. I had to take out a loan to do it. But it was something I had dreamed of doing and it'd let me stay there for 2 months, living right there, learning from the best, etc. Or I could go again later for 2-3 weeks at $4000-5000. Or I could not go at all. And that thought was just heartbreaking. So I took out the loan, I loved it, then I came home, got a job, and focused every spare penny I could on paying that loan back. It was the most beautiful day ever. And that's the one load I paid back with joy, because every time I paid the bill, I remembered my trip and smiled.

Now I'm so focused on getting out of debt that it's not even funny. I spent my first year of marriage working full time while Yellow was in school and working so that I could pay off the rest of my student loans. I had this pride thing about not wanting him to have to pay my debt when he came into marriage debt-free. And we kept that frugality going to pay off our mortgage faster, too. And I plan on teaching my children about saving and working hard so that they can do better than I did and just stay debt-free, but still have fun.

So the two parts of me are super conflicted in my advice here. The older and wiser part says to be practical. But deep down, I really want to tell you to go enjoy Europe while you can. It's a graduation present. You should enjoy it. He could have just given you a microwave or something and have been done with it and you'd still come home in the same position that you would if you went to Europe.

So now that you know my inner conflict… I vote for Europe or Kilimanjaro. And my frugal side justifies it by saying that assuming you still do it later, you'll save money and time now by doing it while you're already in Africa.

For me, I would regret it if I didn't go to Europe or Kilimanjaro. I understand wanting to get out of debt, boy do I understand that! My viewpoint is that getting out of debt is what my real job is going to be for. So for me, I would take a trip because it would give me great memories, it's a fun graduation present, I wouldn't be sure when my next opportunity to travel to these places would come, and I would regret it if I didn't take this opportunity to go. So personally, I would go on a vacation. Let us know what you decide to do though!

1. How would your dad feel about it? If my parents gave me a few thousand bucks in one go, which they wouldn't (my parents are generous. But they're not the type to give big money for fun), they would be disappointed if I chose to spend it on something that impractical. When my brother decided to spend a few weeks in Europe with his friends in the middle of his college years, my parents cut off the bit of help they were providing ($100 a month), because they figured that if he had the money for that then he didn't their help, and if he did need their help then what was he doing in Europe?

So parental attitude would greatly affect my decision. But your parents are probably not like my parents.

2. One of my top regrets is not taking advantage of a teacher who told me personally that he wanted me to apply for an Orca grant to go to New York and mentor me himself. I'm all around very conservative about things like that. And dang if I wish I hadn't been. Once you have babies (if you choose to have babies) your dreams for this kind of thing will get thrown into the distant future. Things really don't get less complicated with time. You have relatively little responsibility in your life right now (in terms of supporting a family, caring for kids, paying off debts), and you have a little playing money. Maybe in hindsight you'll look back and think, dang, I could have used that cash right now. But probably not. Probably, you'll be just fine. I wasted a lot of opportunities in my responsibility-free years because I was afraid, money-guilty, and lazy.

What I'm trying to say is ... when you go, buy me something pretty.

I don't know if I qualify as "a bit older," but here is what I think, in brief. Have fun, but don't make it a habit.

I own my home and my car and have no debts. I'm grateful for that, and it makes me feel good all the time. It took a lot of sacrifice of what I could have bought and how I could have wasted my money. Don't give up that dream of being debt free.

On the other hand, there have been times when I was too frugal. I regret some times when I could have spent a little money and had some great memories.

A year ago my daughter asked me if she could borrow some money from me to spend a semester abroad. I said borrow what you need. My frugal wife was a little surprised that I was so free with our money. But I felt it would be a shame to miss a great opportunity like this when I had it in my power to make it come true. When my wife was on a semester abroad she had barely enough money to be there, and her parents wouldn't send her enough to go on the trips to other European nations along with the other students. Seems a shame to me. Now my daughter is intently focussed on earning money and paying us back. She has an incentive to earn money, and she is becoming a hard worker. Seems like a good thing.

vorpal blade wrote:On the other hand, there have been times when I was too frugal. I regret some times when I could have spent a little money and had some great memories.

A year ago my daughter asked me if she could borrow some money from me to spend a semester abroad. I said borrow what you need. My frugal wife was a little surprised that I was so free with our money. But I felt it would be a shame to miss a great opportunity like this when I had it in my power to make it come true. When my wife was on a semester abroad she had barely enough money to be there, and her parents wouldn't send her enough to go on the trips to other European nations along with the other students. Seems a shame to me. Now my daughter is intently focussed on earning money and paying us back. She has an incentive to earn money, and she is becoming a hard worker. Seems like a good thing.

This is exactly how my husband feels about the study abroad program. He never did one, and now he says it's his biggest regret from all of college. Now that he's graduated, he understands what a rare and special opportunity that is.

All right, guys, I've made my decision: Assuming I can get a friend or two to go with me, which I think I can, I'm climbing Kilimanjaro in April! If my dad pays for about half the trip, I can cover the other half, and I'll have a bit of money left to help me get settled when I go back to the States. I might be a bit tight on money for awhile after that, but I really don't know when I'll have a chance to do this again. I think there's a better chance I'll be able to go to Europe later in life than that I'll be in a position to climb Kilimanjaro.

Thanks for the advice, guys!

Good on ya! Have the time of your life!

COOL! Now you've got me all jealous...

Please be careful. As you probably know, 8 or 9 people die each year trying to reach the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro. That's not a high percentage out of 30,000 (I'm surprised at how many attempt it), but 40% turn around having failed to reach the top. So, be prepared. http://www.mtkilimanjarologue.com/plann ... eally.html

vorpal blade wrote:Please be careful. As you probably know, 8 or 9 people die each year trying to reach the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro. That's not a high percentage out of 30,000 (I'm surprised at how many attempt it), but 40% turn around having failed to reach the top. So, be prepared. http://www.mtkilimanjarologue.com/plann ... eally.html

Well, aren't you a bundle of bunnies and butterflies.

Dragon Lady, I'm thinking Emiliana appreciates my loving concern for her welfare.

Dragon Lady wrote:

vorpal blade wrote:Please be careful. As you probably know, 8 or 9 people die each year trying to reach the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro. That's not a high percentage out of 30,000 (I'm surprised at how many attempt it), but 40% turn around having failed to reach the top. So, be prepared. http://www.mtkilimanjarologue.com/plann ... eally.html

Well, aren't you a bundle of bunnies and butterflies.

Psh, bunnies and butterflies are for lesser mortals, not mountain-climbers!

In all seriousness though, Vorpal, thanks for the expression of concern. None of us who are planning to go are adrenaline junkies or anything, and we'll be willing to turn around if our guide says it's getting hairy.

Emiliana wrote: Psh, bunnies and butterflies are for lesser mortals, not mountain-climbers!

If I may be permitted an older colloquial expression; You go, girl!

Have tons of fun Emiliana! I'm not the adventurous type, but I've that thought climbing Kilimanjaro would be AWESOME ever since I saw an IMAX about it. I'm super jealous!

An update on this:

We looked into Mt. Kilimanjaro, but even with some help from my dad it was going to be too expensive. So we're climbing Mt. Kenya -- another peak in the same range -- instead. It's a couple thousand feet lower, but in a lot of ways it's supposed to be a more challenging climb. I haven't backpacked since high school, so I am WAY excited. We're leaving for Nairobi in a couple of hours. I'll post when I get back to tell y'all how it was.

Have fun, Emiliana!! (And be safe!)

COOL!

We're baaaaaack! Here's a view of the summit from three hours' hike below it: And here's me at the top: If anyone wants to see the rest of the photos, message me and I'll send you the link.