Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

https://theboard.byu.edu/questions/62848/

Sorry, this is one of my pet peeves. When my wife was breastfeeding, she was in so much pain. She couldn't do it without crying for hours afterwards, and by then it was time to breastfeed again. Blood was streaming out of big, giant wounds, and just the anticipation of the latch was causing pain. Combine that with a difficult recovery that made sitting for any length of time extremely painful, and the whole experience was anything but beautiful. I wasn't happy, the baby wasn't happy, and my wife was the least happy of all. Everyone we went to said it was all fine, there's supposed to be pain, just get through it and it will get better. These were trained lactation consultants. I don't know how they can look at a mangled breast and say everything is fine. They would see my wife in pain, and they just said to keep going, each one offering advice of their own that sometimes contradicted the advice of others. Finally we realized that it wasn't worth it no matter what anyone said, and it was time to quit. Our lives became much happier then. I was able to help with feedings, which made me and my wife very happy (and I think it made my baby happy too).

I realize why there's a push to have mothers breastfeed, and I agree that that is the ideal, but people need to realize that it's not the same for everyone. Telling someone categorically "it will get better" is very inconsiderate. For some, it won't get better, it will just keep getting worse. And even if it would get better after a few months, it wouldn't necessarily be worth the trouble. We consistently felt like we were "bad people" for giving up on breastfeeding, like all the nurses and lactation consultants were judging us. It doesn't need to be that way.

What did you and your wife switch to, a pump or formula?

I completely agree with you, Yarjka. There are some women for whom breastfeeding is a nightmare, and they drive themselves (and their spouses) insane with trying to make it work, even with pain, bleeding, and a multitude of other problems. I'm so glad that you were happier once you figured out something that worked better for your family. Please don't feel guilty--that bothers me, the prevailing notion that a mother has somehow "failed" if she is unable to breastfeed. Formula is absolutely fine. There is a reason that it was invented, and it definitely comes in handy in situations like this. Both you and your wife are excellent parents, I'm sure, and best of luck to you.

I've always wondered why women put pressure on themselves to breastfeed. It seems like there's not much in their control. But this could just be my general lack of breastfeeding knowledge.

I definitely felt pressure to breastfeed, and that seriously stressed me out, especially since I went back to work full-time after only four weeks. The stress started affecting my milk supply, and I honestly felt like I had failed my child when we occasionally had to supplement with formula. I don't know how much that came from myself or from outside pressures and Mormon culture, but it's a very real thing. I felt like people seemed to equate the quality of my parenting with my ability to breastfeed.

wired wrote:I've always wondered why women put pressure on themselves to breastfeed. It seems like there's not much in their control. But this could just be my general lack of breastfeeding knowledge.

Because breastmilk is supposed to be healthier for the baby (although there's some controversy about the studies that show this) and because women who don't breastfeed are seen as being selfish or lazy. And I think for most women, there's a definite period of adjustment, but it can be hard to gauge whether your experience is within the normal range (and you're trying to figure out all of this while being hormonal, stressed out, and sleep deprived).

Katya wrote:Because breastmilk is supposed to be healthier for the baby (although there's some controversy about the studies that show this

There… is? Even the ads I get for formula have fine print saying that breastmilk is best.

Yes, breastfeeding can be hard on some women. That's why I'm growing my breasts out, so I can help when the time comes.

Dragon Lady wrote:

Katya wrote:Because breastmilk is supposed to be healthier for the baby (although there's some controversy about the studies that show this)

There… is? Even the ads I get for formula have fine print saying that breastmilk is best.

Here's an article that explains why the effects shown by some studies are problematic (although it confirms the effects shown by other studies):
http://www.slate.com/id/2138629/

This is my understanding of why breastmilk is "better": Aside from being the perfect, evolving balance of vitamins and fats for kiddos that formula can't match exactly, breastmilk carries antibodies in it to protect their developing immune systems that formula doesn't have at all. Breastfeeding also reduces chances of breast cancer for the moms and eats up a lot of post-pregnancy calories. And best of all, it's free.

Edit: or, you could just read Katya's article. These are my reasons to do it, at least.

There are pros and cons to both sides. But horrible outlying experiences aside, I don't think there's anything wrong with encouraging young moms to keep at it for a while. For most people, it really does get better - gets wonderful, even. It is not supposed to hurt (except at the very beginning), you're not supposed to bleed. I'm sorry you had such an awful experience, Yarjka.

Marduk wrote:Yes, breastfeeding can be hard on some women. That's why I'm growing my breasts out, so I can help when the time comes.

As generous as that is, I hear that size doesn't really matter when it comes to milk production.

I have no idea if my mom gave me or my sister formula, but I know she exclusively used it with my brothers since they were, you know, adopted. I do know that she breastfed at some point, though.

If size doesn't matter, why are my nipples so sore?

Marduk wrote:If size doesn't matter, why are my nipples so sore?

Ah. May be about time to stop breastfeeding the cat, Marduk.