Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/63102/

There are at least two distinct categories of things that require apologies*. One is when you've mildly inconvenienced or annoyed someone, or overlooked a point of etiquette. That seems to be what Social Hermit did in scenario 1. In that case, an apology is a good idea, but it's not a big deal if you don't get around to it (unless you make a habit of inconveniencing or annoying that particular person). If I recognize that I've done something minor like that, I might send an email saying, "Oh hey, sorry I did X." For instance, I once forgot to thank one of my teammates for letting me charge my computer at her house when my power was out. A couple of weeks later I sent her an email apologizing and thanking simultaneously. But if I hadn't, we probably both would have forgotten about it.

On the other hand, if you've done something morally or ethically wrong and have hurt someone by it, you should apologize. Period. Unless you have reason to believe it would hurt that person more, you apologize. For instance, about a year and a half ago I assented verbally to a decision, even though I felt that it was morally wrong, because I felt pressured to go along with the group. That decision had long-reaching negative effects on one of my coworkers and friends. I don't necessarily know that my dissenting voice would have made any difference for her, but it might have. A few weeks ago I caught her alone and apologized to her for what I'd done. She didn't even remember the specific incident I was talking about (it was one in a series of many bad things that that same group of people did to her around the same time), but my conscience felt relieved, and she appreciated knowing that I regretted my part in what had happened, small though it was.

In essence, though, I agree with Mico: If it's bothering you, it's not too late to apologize.

What's the longest you've gone without apologizing for something you should have?



*I'm omitting the usage of the word "sorry" that means "I'm sorry that happened to you."

there's a kid I was kind of mean to in elementary school since he had a crush on me and I'd like to apologize to him sometime. I don't have a way to contact him though...

Just a few weeks ago I sent a check to a certain store with whom I had had some shady dealings about two years ago. The incident itself was sort of a grey area, but I definitely wasn't honest about just how grey it was. It's always kinda bugged me, so I wrote them a letter and returned the money that I got from the situation. They're probably a little baffled by it, but I feel better.

I don't really have much to add here, but Queen Alice read my mind...from the future! Seriously, the song got stuck in my head before I read QA's response. And it's still stuck in my head.

I had an ill parting with one of my landlords. There were a lot of little things that ended with a straw that broke the camel's back and I ended up writing her a 4-page typed letter expressing my displeasure with the way several things had been handled. And I never got my deposit back (which I fully expected to happen). She's probably the only person I've ever had trouble forgiving. And as I look at it now, I realize it's totally in the past and doesn't have any application to my current life. No good will ever come of having ill feelings towards her. And I also realize that I don't want her to have ill feelings towards me. It has seriously tainted my memories of one of my favorite places that I have lived. And I keep thinking the only way for me to ever fully forgive her is to apologize to her. But I'm not entirely sure for what or how.

This all happened about 3 years ago.

Most of mine involve things I told people I would email them (copies of Sacrament meeting talks I gave, pictures of various things, etc) and then just forgot about. And then remembered a year later, but felt too awkward to send them.

But my favorite story is about a roommate I had once who left on a mission, and after she had been in the MTC for a few weeks, she sent us $20 and a note that said that a couple of times she ate cookies or chips that were sitting out on the table without asking whose they were and she felt like she needed to pay us back for them.

I think we all have some of these little incidents. They sort of haunt you, in a way. I said some ignorant/rude things to a girl back in high school...like 8 years ago. I still think about it from time to time, and I often wonder what's going on with her. We're friends on Facebook, so I could try to contact her. I just feel really weird about it.

And then there was the time when my roommate was selling her contract. I didn't speak up about something I knew about because I felt it wasn't my place...but my roommate ended up losing a couple hundred bucks over it, precisely because I didn't say anything. Still feel pretty bad about that. But that was also several years ago, so it would be strange to bring it up again.