Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

Put your favorite things people have said in this forum here.

Aren't recipes supposed to result in food? ~Fredjikrang

Post-its are for the important things. ~Briar Rose

There's a certain feeling of power that comes from using a paper shredder. Whrrrrrrrrr . . . ~Portia

i love puppies! ~bismark

i want breakfast. ~bismark

i don't like you. ~bismark

after that year, i took a lip sabbatical for quite a while. -Briar Rose

Do you even know how many germs you are spreading, young man?! -Eponine

having the highest birth rate isn't necessarily indicative of the level of libi[d]inous activity -mabel

On my really OCD days I actually broke out scissors when there was no clean edge to tear on. -TheAnswerIs42

tines! the fork-y part of the fork! -Briar Rose

I bought some foreign hot chocolate which has not only celery, but shell fruits. -Portia

But no one cares about the forestiness of Maine. -ahem. I do! -Uffish Thought

I think that Tangerine is an alter-alias of Quandary. -Quandary

Everyone is an alter-alias of me. You all know it's true. -Tangerine

One Writer to rule them all, One Writer to find them.... -Yellow

i was thinking about making a shirt that says "i am bismark." it might get me more dates. -bismark

You see, the plot isn't simply thickening. It's positively congealing. -The Chalice of Evil

What's the point of being engaged if all you get i[s] nasty ol' buttercream cake? -Portia

Who's on the Lord's side? WhOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo? -Avocado

"in the bathtub" always seemed a little bit more fun, but also a bit more sacrilegious... -bismark

In lieu of flowers, (or any other prize,) please donate to the Cheesecake for Tangerine fund. -Yellow

I wasn't explaining croissants simply for your benefit. Other people read this board as well. -The Chalice of Evil

a good hunk of the hymns in our hymnbook take away the spirit from since they put me to sleep... -bismark

My 20 minute drum solo during "In Our Lovely Deseret" seems a bit unnecessary now -kerouac jr

Only two people knew who Spaceman Spiff is/was? Are you sure your [FHE] family is human? -Fredjikrang

I gave up Sudoku for actual Lent and that was hard enough. -The Chalice of Evil

Not only does it have profanity, but it has sex and violence too! All the better. -Quandary

I can only imagine the logistical difficulties in dating one's own cartoon character. -ahem.

Therese is teaching high school and gets into a teacher/student relationship with BOTH Gerald and Jesse . . . -Avocado

Mr. Old Man in panel 5: NEVER wink like that again. -Portia

... so if it's stalking, it's good stalking. -Quandary

Bravo. I like that list a lot.

i'm proud that i made the list. i guess my lack of brain comes in handy sometimes.

"All right, why don't you bear me your testimony on myopia and artificial selection?" -Portia

How about:

"Fred, love, I'm going to kill you."

It hasn't been said yet, but it's bally well what I'm thinking. I was looking for an appropriate place to say it, actually...

Lol!

College is life's dress rehearsal. -ahem.

(Is it okay to nominate yourself?)

The only purpose of a Singles' Ward is to get out of a Singles' Ward. – Cognoscente

We were informed that there was a Great Midterm of Life. And every single one of us was failing it. - Portia

"Now you see why I married your wife." - ahem.

deliciously out of context

I second Avocado's nomination.

Yes, you can nominate yourself. And I also think you should be able to nominate things users say in real life. Ha.

"That baby is deliciously cute." -Craig Jessop

"Marseilles and Pocatello, Idaho are about the same." Quandary

(Bonus points if you find out what is about the same about them.)

19th century prussian generals are lame. -Cognoscente

Ha! It's nice to be quoted.

So, I know this isn't from our Board, but it was really too funny not to share: "She's having a time out for grabbing Mommy's hands off the keyboard and licking them." ~my sister

We talked about this article

http://www.humanistsofutah.org/2002/Why ... 10-02.html
(one place I found it)

in one of my classes, and this is my favorite line:

"Why can't I own Canadians?"

Or this one, from my ELANG class:

Professor: “Now we have blending, also known as portmanteau. We have ’smog’ from ’smoke’ and ‘fog.’ ‘Brunch’ from ‘breakfast’ and ‘lunch.”

Student: “What about ‘bat’?”

(Blank stares from all.)

Student: “You know, like, ‘bird’ plus ‘rat’?”

Professor: ” . . . I wasn’t aware of this. That’s probably an instance of folk etymology .”

Student: “I always thought that’s where it came from.”

"thanks dragon lady for hanging my dirty (though apparently attractive) laundry out for everyone to see." - bismark

and some offline ones:

"When Mary Shelley was my age, she had published Frankenstein!" - Mary Hedengren (she's a Board friend, right?)

and in response to http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=40764 ("Some ideas we have are sack lunches, smoothies from Jamba Juice, donuts, pencils, hand massages, and other treats . . .")

"Don't you want your BYUSA hand massage?" - Quandary

I avoid anything with Ben Stiller in it (not only does the spirit leave me, so does my IQ). -jooniper