Dinners after giving birth

[Carrapicho]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/66294/

This question kinda confused me. I get that "church people were suppose (sic) to bring them dinner for 5 nights starting on Saturday," but to go without dinner just because no one brought it to you? And to call your mom to complain about it? I'm actually surprised that the ward is providing dinners, even after the grandma stayed for a week to help. Maybe I'm unclear as to standard protocol after giving birth, but I thought the dinners were usually done during the week after the baby is born, to help feed the family while mom and baby are in the hospital and for those first few days they're home.

Then again, when I had my first kid in a family ward in Provo, no one brought us dinners at all. In fact, I don't think anyone even knew I had given birth until over a week after it had happened, when the RS President just called to check up on me as I approached my due date (she had no clue I'd had him two weeks early and that we'd already been home from the hospital for a few days). Guess I missed out on some free dinners!

I also find it odd that the grandma says "she is away from home because of her husband's school." Whose home is she referring to? Newsflash: if the daughter has an 18-month-old already, I think it's safe to say she's been married at least two years and that her home is no longer with her mom, but that she and her husband have their own home right in Wymount Terrace. Sounds to me like the grandma is having a hard time letting go of her daughter.

I guess I don't really have a point to my comments. I think the whole question just kinda rubbed me the wrong way. But bravo to the writers, I say. They did a great job being kind and explaining that people are forgetful and that they hoped everything turned out okay with the whole family.

[bobtheenchantedone]

As the oldest of eight children, I have been old enough to remember a few of my siblings being born. Especially with my two youngest sisters, both difficult pregnancies. I watched and helped out as my mother would move less and less as she got closer to giving birth, and then after she gave birth, I would have a large hand in running the house for several weeks while she recovered. I was grateful when someone in the ward provided dinner so I didn't have to figure it out.

Imagine my surprise, then, in seeing Marduk's sister-in-law cooking dinner only a few days after she came home from the hospital, and to see her roll her eyes when she found out that her mother-in-law had hired me to come over and help out.

This question reminded me of that day, when I learned that women who just had a baby are not usually invalid.

[TheAnswerIs42]

This was quite the over-protective grandma, I would say. The way that she capitalized things to introduce her daughter's situation and make it sound like the worst thing ever was . . . rather juvenille, actually. Carrapicho is right on with that "home" remark - Wymount is now her home, not your house, Momma. As everyone said, meals offered / mother's need for the meals varies a lot between people and wards. My mom has come to help out with my births, and I usually don't get meals as a result - but I have talked to people who thought that was terrible and got loads of meals. I manage just fine.

But I did have one part that made me wonder - why did she call them "church people"? I mean, I suppose an LDS person could use that phrase too, but it made me wonder if she is not a member of our church. I would think most of us would say "the Relief Society was supposed to bring them dinner" instead. If she isn't a member, maybe the whole process seems a lot more foreign and therefore confusing/unreliable?

[Carrapicho]

But I did have one part that made me wonder - why did she call them "church people"? I mean, I suppose an LDS person could use that phrase too, but it made me wonder if she is not a member of our church. I would think most of us would say "the Relief Society was supposed to bring them dinner" instead. If she isn't a member, maybe the whole process seems a lot more foreign and therefore confusing/unreliable?

That makes perfect sense! And maybe that's why it just seemed overall weird to me. "Church people" does seem like an odd choice of words, and if the grandma isn't a member, then maybe she is upset that her daughter's church was supposed to take care of her after the grandma left, and they ended up doing a less-than-perfect job. I still don't agree with her sentiments and the way she went about "reporting" it, but it helps me understand a little bit better. We in the Church often take things for granted, and if it doesn't come off perfectly, we usually just shrug it off because we know it's not a perfect system. Sounds like the grandma may have thought the whole dinner idea was a lot more concrete and official than it really was.

[Dragon Lady]

As a new mom, I'm really grateful that the RS is providing dinners. (And yes, they're waiting until after my sister leaves. They waited till my mom left after Dragon Baby was born, too. It's not that uncommon to provide help after the immediate family members leave.) Especially with another child. I had a relatively easy birth, but I also tore. And due to a previous injury on my tailbone, that hurts, too. So standing (or sitting, for that matter) for any significant amount of time is really painful for me. Cooking dinner, therefore, would be insane. We'd be eating cereal. On the couch. For every meal. Or ordering pizza. The RS is starting to bring the meals tomorrow night and continuing through Saturday. I'll be honest, if someone forgot a night, I'll probably be rather disappointed and will also vent aloud. Maybe even to my mom. (Though, not to expect her to do anything. Mostly just because, well, I vent to my mom about things.) I probably wouldn't call the compassionate service leader, because I'm not a confrontational person like that. If she asks, I'd probably mention it, then tell her it wasn't a big deal because we had something easy to make. And then we'd probably eat something like soup or sandwiches or cereal or leftovers. Then again, I also have the list of people who are bringing me meals and what night they're bringing it. So if it was really late, I'd probably call (or make Yellow call) and just ask if they're coming. Or phrase it like, "Hey, we had the option to eat X tonight, but we were told you were bringing dinner. So we were just wondering if we should wait for you or just go ahead and eat X instead."

So.. I'm not sure what I'm saying here either. I guess I'm answering some questions about Utah County protocol for dinners and how I would handle it if it happened. And expressing my gratitude for wonderful people who bring dinners after birth. And agreeing that the Board wasn't the place to vent about it.

[Sky Bones]

Geez, you're all so lucky to have family come and actually help out. When my in-laws (2 parents + 2 brothers-in-law) visited a week after Baby Bones was born, I (with husband's help) did all of their cleaning, washed all of their laundry and made all of their meals for them. I was so shocked when they told me that's what they expected that I just kind of put up with it at the time.

Anyway, this question really rubbed me the wrong way, too, which is why I stayed away from it. I'm grateful that the writers who answered it did so in a positive way. 42, I hadn't noticed her wording of "church people" so thanks for pointing that out. I'm sure there's a lot more back story here other than the obvious.