Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

I'm looking to get a small houseplant to liven up my home, but I tend to kill my plants. Does anyone have any suggestions for anything that's small, will stay small, produces no smell, and will live through a week of neglect? Bonus points if it's cheap and/or unusual-looking.

Spider plant. Cheap. Indestructible. Stays small. ish.

Pathos. Only second to spider plants in indestructibility. Cheap. (There are a few different varieties as well, though you really can only tell the difference when they get some good light.)

Those are my first suggestions. Though snake plants (mother-in-law's tongue) are also an excellent houseplants. They get tallish, but don't take up much horizontal space. There are some small varieties that would work great even on a desk though.

Bamboo and cactus are the only things that survive at my house. I have quite a few of them now.

Bamboo is great, just change the water every so often. They never get mad at me, and never get sad.

Cactus I sometimes forget about, but they are very resilient, so they tend to be okay. They do get mad at me, though. And they seem sad all winter when there's less sun.

My mother is very good at forgetting to water plants, but our several spider plants have all survived that. So I second that.

I agree with spider plants. I also suggest wandering jews. (There are several varieties, but they all are purple and green leafed.) If I ever see you, I'd be happy to give you a start of mine. Though… wandering jews are vines. Maybe you don't want vines? (Well, there's one variety that isn't really viney.)

Also, I vote against mother-in-law's tongue. It's poisonous, so if your kids take a bite, you'll be making a call to poison control. It's pretty, but I'm all for keeping poisonous plants out of houses with small children.

Shamrocks are awesome and very resilient. I've killed my mom's twice since December and its revived both times. As a bonus, they start to wilt when they're thirsty, giving a very clear message that it's time to water them. And they'll perk up dramatically within hours of watering them. I love them because they look fragile, but man, they're tough.

Succulents are also fantastic. They will stay small. They look so cool. And they're made to live in deserts, so you don't have to water them very often at all. They just store the water in their leaves to get them through tough times.

Oh, another reason to get spider plants is that they're on NASA's list of plants that clean the air and water. It will clean formaldehyde from the air, which is surprisingly common in houses. For example, new carpet releases formaldehyde into the air. A spider plant will get rid of 80% or more of the formaldehyde in a room in only an hour.

And reading through the list, I also vote for a peace lily. So pretty! And they only get huge if you give them a bigger pot. So, if you keep them I'm their current pot, you should be fine.

Also, rubber plants look cool and are on that list.

Cast Iron Plant. The name says it all.

Agreed with the cast iron plants. Super tough.

I'm going to have to disagree with Dragon Lady on the Mother-in-law's tongue though. Though they are mildly toxic, they are also exceptionally hard to eat. The biggest risk with them, with children and pets, would be that they are a little bit sharp on the tips of the leaves. And like spider plants, are good at getting rid of toxins.

If you are worried about toxic plants, don't get dumb canes. They are more toxic than mother-in-law's tongue and way easier to eat. Though pretty.

Also, peace lilies can be pretty picky. They like higher light than most of the other plants listed, and they require higher humidity. My parents are always killing theirs, but have kept pretty much all the other plants mentioned with no problem.

Succulents are also great, but you'll probably have a lot better luck with them in unglazed ceramic pots than glazed or plastic pots. Overwatering in the leading cause of death. ;D

Plants made out of construction paper, I've found, last a really long time--unless you have kids who like to eat paper.

Fredjikrang wrote:Also, peace lilies can be pretty picky. They like higher light than most of the other plants listed, and they require higher humidity. My parents are always killing theirs, but have kept pretty much all the other plants mentioned with no problem.

That's good to hear. I was told by everyone that peace lilies are the easiest plants to take care of, so when I killed two of them I figured I was just the worst plant caretaker ever and kind of gave up on it.

Fredjikrang wrote:I'm going to have to disagree with Dragon Lady on the Mother-in-law's tongue though. Though they are mildly toxic, they are also exceptionally hard to eat. The biggest risk with them, with children and pets, would be that they are a little bit sharp on the tips of the leaves. And like spider plants, are good at getting rid of toxins.

If you are worried about toxic plants, don't get dumb canes. They are more toxic than mother-in-law's tongue and way easier to eat. Though pretty.

Ummm… mother-in-law's tongue and dumb cane are the same plant. And if you don't believe they can be eaten by children, have a chit chat with my niece who took a bite out of one.

Fredjikrang wrote:Also, peace lilies can be pretty picky. They like higher light than most of the other plants listed, and they require higher humidity. My parents are always killing theirs, but have kept pretty much all the other plants mentioned with no problem.

Ok, fair enough. I've never grown them in dirt, though. To make it super easy, plant them in a vase of water. To make it even more fun, put a beta fish in the water. There are kits for it in the pet section of Walmart (and probably other superstores). You have to get your own plant, though. And I usually get those little colored glass rocks to put in the bottom, and also in the tray that holds the plant. Y'know, for pretty.

Dragon Lady wrote: Ummm… mother-in-law's tongue and dumb cane are the same plant. And if you don't believe they can be eaten by children, have a chit chat with my niece who took a bite out of one.

Hmm. I had never heard Dieffenbachia called mother-in-law's tongue before. I was talking about Sansevieria, which is a completely different plant. And believe me, Sansevieria is very, very hard to eat.

Huh. I didn't realize mothers-in-law were so notorious as to get two plants names after them.

Yeah, I totally killed a peace lily once, too. Then I took an interior plants class at BYU and learned that they can be a little picky about certain things.

So, speaking of that class, just to clear up any confusion I busted out my old ID charts from it. Mother-in-law's tongue is also called a snake plant, the botanical name is sansevieria trifasciata-- there isn't any mention on this chart about it being poisonous, however, there are A LOT of varieties so that might be a factor, I'm not sure-- also, if it happens to bloom you're supposed to remove the flowers. The botanical name for dumbcane (no other common names listed) is dieffenbachia and there's a note saying it's poisonous, chewing any part of the plant causes temporary numbness of the tongue and vocal chords.

Anyway, while we're on this topic, I have a few books on houseplants, but my favorite is called "How to Grow Fresh Air: 50 Houseplants That Purify Your Home or Office." Each plant is given an overall score in four categories: removal of chemical vapors, ease of growth and maintenance, resistance to insect infestation, and transpiration rates. Just for kicks, according to this book, the top five plants are: Areca Palm (Chrysalidocarpus lutescens), Lady Palm (Rhapis excelsa), Bamboo Palm (Chamaedorea seifrizii), Rubber Plant (Ficus robusta), and Dracaena "Janet Craig" (Dracaena deremensis "Janet Craig").

The Peace Lily is #10 on the list and there's a note that says it's very prone to insect infestation when it dries out and that it does exceptionally well in hydroculture. So, DL, that would certainly explain why yours did so well. If I ever decide to get another one now I'll know what to do with it.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the only other plant we encountered in our class that had mother-in-law as one of its common names was the golden barrel cactus (Echinocactus grusonii) which is also called mother-in-law's chair. Hah.

Sky Bones wrote:Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the only other plant we encountered in our class that had mother-in-law as one of its common names was the golden barrel cactus (Echinocactus grusonii) which is also called mother-in-law's chair. Hah.

AWESOME.

I'd probably enjoy mother-in-law jokes like this more, though, if mine weren't so awesome.

I have a "Janet Craig" that I bought five years ago and it's still kickin', despite me only watering it about once a month, keeping it in rooms where I may or may not actually bother opening the blinds to let real sunlight in, getting wrapped in a plastic bag and stashed in the trunk of a car for three days once (that one was not my fault, though), getting the entire pot knocked over and spilled out once or twice, and getting its main stem partially snapped in a moving incident. And it's not even on death's door or anything; it still looks presentable and healthy!

Mine hasn't grown very big, but I suspect that's due to a small pot, infrequent waterings, and inadequate sunlight--one summer I left it on my parents' porch, where it got full sun every day and watered most days (thanks, Mom!) and it doubled in size in a month or two. Anyway, now that I have established myself as the worst plant caretaker ever, I feel qualified to say that any plant that can survive me can survive anything.