Howdy + relationship question
Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:14 pm
Hey everyone! It's been a while!
I kind of just stopped in to see how the Board's possibly-impending-doom turned out. Glad to see we dodged the bullet. I figured I'd check in with everybody while I am here.
Life's changed a lot in the last six months. I got engaged. I moved to a new apartment. I went through the temple. I just got offered a brand new job.
And, actually... if anybody wants to play psychologist, I have been trying to figure something out about my relationship with my fiance. I love him. If I don't see him for a long time, I miss him. I enjoy spending time with him and doing things together. We spend a lot of time and evenings together, which is normal for an engaged couple.
When it comes to the end of the night (however early or late that may be), I am ALWAYS the one kicking him out. If I gave him the chance, he would basically never leave me.
But sometimes I find myself wishing we were apart very early in the evenings. Some evenings I'll start thinking, "Okay, when is the earliest possible time I can convince him to let me go home? 8:30? Maybe 8? Man, I really wanna finish reading that book/take a long bath/watch that show/do my laundry. Think I can push it to 7:30?"
Other evenings I don't really think that far ahead, but somehow we'll come to a point where I'm thinking (or saying), "So... what's the plan here? Are we just gonna keep cuddling forever, or...? Maybe you should go?"
It's not as pronounced when we have a planned activity that goes later in the evening. But if our date ends early, I'm just not a huge fan of hanging out not doing anything afterward. If I'm not doing anything, I want to be by myself. And he never wants to be by himself. Sometimes he comes over in the mornings before he works, again on his lunch break, and then as soon as classes are over, we usually have something planned to do together.
So. Is he clingy? Or am I too private/independent/standoffish? Or both? We've talked about it several times, and can't really figure it out. Half the time I don't know why I want him to leave. And I feel bad always kicking him out, but he has a really hard time being the one to initiate the farewell sequence.
We're also concerned about how this will change when we are married and living together. Will it get easier? Harder? The same, but with different challenges?
It's just so frustrating because I don't know why I am feeling the way I do, and while he understands I want space, he always makes me ASK for it because he hates being apart that much. And asking makes me feel guilty.
Who has some advice or observations to make me feel better? I am eager to hear them.
I kind of just stopped in to see how the Board's possibly-impending-doom turned out. Glad to see we dodged the bullet. I figured I'd check in with everybody while I am here.
Life's changed a lot in the last six months. I got engaged. I moved to a new apartment. I went through the temple. I just got offered a brand new job.
And, actually... if anybody wants to play psychologist, I have been trying to figure something out about my relationship with my fiance. I love him. If I don't see him for a long time, I miss him. I enjoy spending time with him and doing things together. We spend a lot of time and evenings together, which is normal for an engaged couple.
When it comes to the end of the night (however early or late that may be), I am ALWAYS the one kicking him out. If I gave him the chance, he would basically never leave me.
But sometimes I find myself wishing we were apart very early in the evenings. Some evenings I'll start thinking, "Okay, when is the earliest possible time I can convince him to let me go home? 8:30? Maybe 8? Man, I really wanna finish reading that book/take a long bath/watch that show/do my laundry. Think I can push it to 7:30?"
Other evenings I don't really think that far ahead, but somehow we'll come to a point where I'm thinking (or saying), "So... what's the plan here? Are we just gonna keep cuddling forever, or...? Maybe you should go?"
It's not as pronounced when we have a planned activity that goes later in the evening. But if our date ends early, I'm just not a huge fan of hanging out not doing anything afterward. If I'm not doing anything, I want to be by myself. And he never wants to be by himself. Sometimes he comes over in the mornings before he works, again on his lunch break, and then as soon as classes are over, we usually have something planned to do together.
So. Is he clingy? Or am I too private/independent/standoffish? Or both? We've talked about it several times, and can't really figure it out. Half the time I don't know why I want him to leave. And I feel bad always kicking him out, but he has a really hard time being the one to initiate the farewell sequence.
We're also concerned about how this will change when we are married and living together. Will it get easier? Harder? The same, but with different challenges?
It's just so frustrating because I don't know why I am feeling the way I do, and while he understands I want space, he always makes me ASK for it because he hates being apart that much. And asking makes me feel guilty.
Who has some advice or observations to make me feel better? I am eager to hear them.