67482 - Visiting teaching by correspondence

[TheBlackSheep]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/67482/

Who is ready for some good old fashioned projection? I am, I am!

In case you missed the memos, I'm an inactive sister. I also try really, really hard to be polite and accommodating. I accept visiting and home teachers into my home when I have them and last week I even went in for an annual bishop's interview because I was asked to go (I don't think I'm going to do that one again), but some of Concealocanth's suggestions even sounded overbearing to me.

It seems to me that someone who says it's okay to send letters but not visit is someone who can't bear to tell the very polite visiting teaching coordinator "no" twice in a row. If they were open to things from the Ensign or to invitations to ward activities, they would be willing to let the visiting teachers actually visit. If they wanted something every month, they would be willing to let the visiting teachers actually visit.

It doesn't matter how good your intentions are. Ensign articles are not going to be met with any positive response. Just saying.

I'm not trying to bag on people who faithfully visit teach us less actives because I know people who have benefited from their visiting teachers' service in bad times (do you still read this, mama of the Beans?), but I even feel like a project a good portion of the time. I think Inga should introduce herself, urge her visiting teachees to contact her if they ever need anything, and then renew contact every once in a great while with something non-churchy, and I think she should feel good about that. If she's got the one sister in a bajillion who is both refusing visiting teachers and who secretly/subconsciously really wants more of a relationship, that sister can reach out. Otherwise, she's risking making the grouchy among us grouchier.

[Dragon Lady]

I think all visiting teaching should be more about building a real friendship (not a project friendship. A real friendship). No one is ever going to ask you for help or listen to your advice or be touched by your testimony if you're just a random person assigned to their spiritual/temporal welfare. Even if you religiously show up on their doorstep every month. (Or send a letter every month.)

I think the best way to approach a letter-only VT route is to, well, not send letters. Rather, show up with some banana bread and an introduction. Stop by and help weed the flower bed. Invite them to dinner and games. Get to know the person. Leave the church out of it. Build a relationship. Care about the person, not the assignment. In fact, VTing is set up to be casual like that. We were just asked not to pray with our VTees unless specifically asked. There is no requirement to give a lesson (though, in instances where that is acceptable and welcome, it should be done). HTing is meant to be more strict about being gospel-centered. VTing is not. VTing is about really and truly caring and building bonds.

But before I get too obstinate in this opinion, Black Sheep, would you be opposed to a VTer who just tries to be your friend and never discusses the church at all? Sure, it may seem like a project at first, but after you get to know the person (assuming you click), would it offend you that it may have started out as one?

[Craig Jessop]

I'm not trying to bag on people who faithfully visit teach us less actives because I know people who have benefited from their visiting teachers' service in bad times (do you still read this, mama of the Beans?), but I even feel like a project a good portion of the time. I think Inga should introduce herself, urge her visiting teachees to contact her if they ever need anything, and then renew contact every once in a great while with something non-churchy, and I think she should feel good about that. If she's got the one sister in a bajillion who is both refusing visiting teachers and who secretly/subconsciously really wants more of a relationship, that sister can reach out. Otherwise, she's risking making the grouchy among us grouchier.

Amen, sister.

[TheBlackSheep]

DL, I've got no problem with anything you said, except the visiting people who asked not to be visited part. I think that would be a lack of respect for their boundaries. They might change their mind later, but I think for now it is best left alone.

[Dragon Lady]

I guess what I meant was not to visit AS a VTer, but rather as a friend. VTing never even has to enter a convo.

My parents used to HT a couple by playing Cribbage (I think?) with them every month. In fact, when they got the assignment, that's what the bishop TOLD them to do.

[UffishThought]

But the point remains, if they've specifically said "I don't want anyone showing up here, but I guess they can send me a letter," it's a serious breach of trust to drop by anyway. I'd say the best thing you can do would be to ask in your letter if you can stop by and say hi, if you promise that nothing churchy enters in. And if they say no, that's that.

[Katya]

I guess what I meant was not to visit AS a VTer, but rather as a friend. VTing never even has to enter a convo.

Yeah, except that you're not really their friend if the only way you know them is that you were assigned to VT them. (VTs can certainly grow into friends, but you're still making the initial acquaintance on the basis of a VT assignment, and they asked not to be visited in that capacity.)

[TheBlackSheep]

Exactly. And having someone's address is very personal information, and that could be hard for someone who is already on the fence about it all.

[Dragon Lady]

Yeah, I suppose that's fair. I have more thoughts on this, but I have a headache and dinner is about ready. So… it'll have to wait.

[Portia]

I just was informed that I now am a Visiting TeachER! I will do it, out of the of Belmont sense of duty, but I was surprised to not be given a graceful "out." As the RS President, I felt like we pored over the assignments (a not-insignificant graph theory problem), only for most people to blow it off. I'm open to befriending others, but I wonder if both the the companion and the taught might not prefer someone more active or orthodox? I ALWAYS have avoided teaching callings, even RSP is a lot more leadership & organization (with a dash of assertiveness) than expounding doctrine. I can't say things I don't believe, and real life is not the Internet. I HATE conflicts and don't like getting in debates I can't win. So I feel like if I were in M.'s shoes, it'd be an "oh joy" moment. I don't want her to feel pressured to prepare the lesson each time. Only "calling" I was ever extended on a softball field.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'll probably move to Colorado just to avoid disappointing anyone.

[Whistler]

who knows, maybe your unorthodoxy will be refreshing. Goodness knows I would appreciate a little rousing discussion.