Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/70454/

Good answers from our reliable "fluff" writers (don't even deny it, yayfulness and Zed, you're the agony uncle and aunt of the Board at the moment).

However, I do think that I've had greater success in dating when I let the guy come to me a bit rather than throwing myself at him. In my heart, I'd be the one making the move, from asking out to saying "I love you" to proposing. However, I think guys are on average a bit more scared of commitment and that letting a guy make the move first has some benefits. Not that you should accede to dates you don't want or not flirt with the hot ones.

Anyone else strike a different balance between aggression and passivity? I'm not married, so clearly my theories lack a certain je ne sais quoi.

I used to leave these until they were getting close to due, but half the time nobody takes them. So now I'm just like, I can have an opinion if you want, I guess. Haha

M once told me that everything I did to "show interest in him" was, quote: "Something any normal girl would do just to be friendly," so I guess I'm a passive individual?

Maybe I should have included a disclaimer about how I'm still single after following my own advice...

I made all the first moves with most of the gentlemen callers in my life, especially Sauron. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, but it worked especially with Sauron.

To quote myself, I do not believe in playing hard to get, but I do believe in being hard to get. (cite)

That said, I don't think that playing or being hard to get really does that much to make a guy more interested, rather, I think it just effectively filters out the guys who weren't all that interested to begin with. (And, as CPM pointed out in the question linked above, there are ways of being hard to get that still give a guy encouragement and there are ways of being hard to get that just discourage guys.)

But sometimes hard to get gets over the top. Like when we go on a date, and then you won't talk to me afterwards? I'm just like "I don't care if either one of us liked each other. I'm not trying again." I mean, seriously. Active avoidance? Not cool.

Basically, I'm just waiting for a girl to make the first move, and then I'll go from there.

I HATE meta dating. I just react genuinely to people and go with how I feel.

Giovanni Schwartz wrote:But sometimes hard to get gets over the top.

I agree. In fact, I think pretty much all "hard to get" is over the top; I just think that it's also OK to have boundaries and standards for how you want to be treated and to stick to them.

I come across as standoffish and disinterested unless I make a significant effort, which for me means adding you on facebook and possibly being the one to strike up a conversation if you're nearby and have seen me and shown signs of recognition. And texting you "Merry Christmas!" if I'm REALLY interested. Yep. I have no idea how I got into a relationship.

Zedability wrote:I come across as standoffish and disinterested unless I make a significant effort, which for me means adding you on facebook and possibly being the one to strike up a conversation if you're nearby and have seen me and shown signs of recognition. And texting you "Merry Christmas!" if I'm REALLY interested. Yep. I have no idea how I got into a relationship.

Maybe because you made a significant effort?

yayfulness wrote:

Zedability wrote:I come across as standoffish and disinterested unless I make a significant effort, which for me means adding you on facebook and possibly being the one to strike up a conversation if you're nearby and have seen me and shown signs of recognition. And texting you "Merry Christmas!" if I'm REALLY interested. Yep. I have no idea how I got into a relationship.

Maybe because you made a significant effort?

But before he knew me, would that look like interest or like, "Hi, I'm a normal person who talks to people she knows"? Haha.

When I was dating I had pretty good luck asking the guy out the first time. If he asked me out for the second date, I knew he was interested.

Zedability wrote:

yayfulness wrote:

Zedability wrote:I come across as standoffish and disinterested unless I make a significant effort, which for me means adding you on facebook and possibly being the one to strike up a conversation if you're nearby and have seen me and shown signs of recognition. And texting you "Merry Christmas!" if I'm REALLY interested. Yep. I have no idea how I got into a relationship.

Maybe because you made a significant effort?

But before he knew me, would that look like interest or like, "Hi, I'm a normal person who talks to people she knows"? Haha.

Depends. If he was already interested in you, he'd probably at least be tempted to see it in the most encouraging way possible.

yayfulness wrote:

Zedability wrote:

yayfulness wrote: Maybe because you made a significant effort?

But before he knew me, would that look like interest or like, "Hi, I'm a normal person who talks to people she knows"? Haha.

Depends. If he was already interested in you, he'd probably at least be tempted to see it in the most encouraging way possible.

He spent a lot of that semester interested in both me and another girl he saw more often, so he focused more on pursuing her first, but it wasn't going very smoothly, and one day he was going to ask her on a date and realized that he was hoping she'd have to work so he could ask me instead. Haha.

Marduk wrote:I HATE meta dating. I just react genuinely to people and go with how I feel.

With that kind of attitude, you'll never be the star of a romantic comedy.

Whistler wrote:When I was dating I had pretty good luck asking the guy out the first time. If he asked me out for the second date, I knew he was interested.

You were dang good at picking out ones who would ask you out back, too. I lived with two of you dating geniuses that year, and it was interesting.

hehe, yes, prior research is good, although I did have a few flops (guys who turned down a date or hanging out... I can think of at least three. Might seem like not very many, but it seems like most guys would consent to go on ONE date).

Katya wrote:

Marduk wrote:I HATE meta dating. I just react genuinely to people and go with how I feel.

With that kind of attitude, you'll never be the star of a romantic comedy.

Oh good. I hate romantic comedies.

bobtheenchantedone wrote:

Katya wrote:

Marduk wrote:I HATE meta dating. I just react genuinely to people and go with how I feel.

With that kind of attitude, you'll never be the star of a romantic comedy.

Oh good. I hate romantic comedies.

What?! How can you not like a narrative built around the most improbable of coincidences and the flimsiest of plot contrivances?

I was once told i'm not mysterious enough, and decided that any guy who needed me to be mysterious or keep secrets just wasn't worth my time. which generally means i have to date older.