Tally M. wrote:So, it's not just the three P's, but also the intent of all participating parties. Where the system breaks down is when the participating parties have conflicting views.
Exactly. Or when the views aren't communicated. (Like, maybe both parties consider it a date, but neither one actually uses the word, so one or both is confused about what the other one thinks. )
I think that's weird and awkward. If you think he's interested, it's a date. If you don't think he is, then it's not. If it's ambiguous, it will all sort itself out in due time, and you can have fun anyway.
I don't think I've ever been asked, "Would you like to go on a date with me this Friday?" The word itself is cumbersome. "Are you doing anything this Friday?" is more likely. And I would never follow that with, "Yes, I am, but is this a date? I need to be able to label these things, you know."
speaking as a guy, if a girl is not sure if it's a date or not, I would prefer that she make her perception of the activity clear. While I may have been being a little snarky about saying "no" if it's not a date, I still would HATE to have her read into it that I'm leading her on. Because (I've heard) girls like to overanalyze E.VER.Y.THING that guys do. And expect guys to do the same, when, in reality, it's exactly the opposite.
Yeah, my thought would be that the guy would feel pressured to make it one, if it wasn't. I think just asking changes the situation and makes it more awkward. I generally just go and find out, if I can.
Also, I hate it when women take it upon themselves to make men "man up."
So once upon a time, there was this girl I was interested in. Her and her roommates were always over at my apartment, and we went out to various things as a group of friends. So I planned a movie, for all of us to go to. So there was supposed to be six total of us going. When it came time, everyone else flaked but me and her. So I told her I was still up to go if she wanted to, but if she didn't feel like it anymore I understood. She said it was cool so we went, and I drove (since she didn't have a car.) I bought the tickets at one of those kiosk things that take forever, and so just so we didn't have to wait, I bought both tickets. After the movie, I told her I was hungry and was going to go grab something to eat, did she want me to drop her off, or did she want to come with? She came with, and ended up buying something too. When the check came, I just discreetly paid it, so as not to have an awkward conversation about it. All went well and afterwards we went home.
About a week later, I finally decided to ask her out. She turned me down. Come to find out, she thought that the whole plan was a set up for me to get her alone, so she felt like I stealth dated her or something. She felt tricked by that, and that's why she said no.
I had a not-date like this with Yellow back in the day. It was fun. The two of us went to Wendy's, then we went and hung out with bismark. I like being a sounding board for guys who don't want to date me.
So does saying "would you like to ________ with me on [insert day here]?" not count as making it clear that it's a date? Does it change anything if it's done over the phone despite the fact that I have never spoken over the phone with the girl in question before?
The scenario you mention sounds familiar, yayfulness.
I think that makes it fairly clear that it's a date. If it's, something like "would you like to go to ______________ tonight?" and not much more details than where to meet up, it's ambiguous.
Ambiguous ones for me tend to be like "there's a bunch of us going to see this movie on Thursday night--do you want to come?" Sometimes that's a date, sometimes it's not. Or "do you want to check out this new restaurant? Does Wednesday work for you?" And you're not sure if it is or not, and so you don't know if you should dress up, or if you'll be insulting him by trying to pay for your own meal, or what.
The "with me" is a really good clue-in that it's a date. So's "go out" anywhere in the invitation, like "would you like to go out with me to see this new exhibit in the MOA?" The phoning helps, too, if you don't call her often.
And once someone asked "do you want to go on a date with me this Friday?" I know it seems awkward, but I was really impressed that he had the confidence and was considerate enough to let me know exactly what I was getting into.
I agree with Uffish Thought. It is more noticeably a date when asked on the phone. I like to be asked in person more than on the phone because even though both are equally as flattering, I tend to not know what to say just before we hang up. I just handle myself more gracefully in person.
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