Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

#soapbox. Boooo. Boo boo boo. Possessive and controlling alert.

I think it's this exact attitude that freaks me out about getting married. I am very, very independent and I can't even imagine how angry and hurt I'd be if I felt that a man was trying to keep me in a box and away from mixed-gender dancing.

I know every couple needs to reach their own agreement about this, but seriously, I think he's way out of line. In my defense, I'd be sad if a guy gave up his passions because of me, and I guess it's good that I tend to be attracted to more independent guys.

Not only possessive, but incorrect use of the possessive. Well, it's not my fiance (thankfully), so good luck to her.

I can give the guy the benefit of the doubt - he's just insecure - but he does need to realize that that is a little possessive and untrusting of him. It's something that can be worked through.

bobtheenchantedone wrote:I can give the guy the benefit of the doubt - he's just insecure - but he does need to realize that that is a little possessive and untrusting of him. It's something that can be worked through.

I don't know, it sets off a little alarm in my head. I wonder if it's more common for women to feel they have to sacrifice personal interests for a relationship. A board question about abuse in relationships mentioned a concern with her appearance and which people she could talk to as red flags.

bobtheenchantedone wrote:I can give the guy the benefit of the doubt - he's just insecure - but he does need to realize that that is a little possessive and untrusting of him. It's something that can be worked through.

If a person is completely unfamiliar with the dynamics of ballroom dancing (or similar activities), I can see why they'd be worried, but I agree that it's also not good for the fiancée to feel pressured to give up her interests.

Incidentally, I once had a recently married friend who had to kiss a man in a play, and her husband expressed some discomfort with it. Finally, she offered to give him a stage kiss so that he would understand the difference. His response: "That was like kissing a fish." And he never said another word about it.

Katya wrote:

bobtheenchantedone wrote:I can give the guy the benefit of the doubt - he's just insecure - but he does need to realize that that is a little possessive and untrusting of him. It's something that can be worked through.

If a person is completely unfamiliar with the dynamics of ballroom dancing (or similar activities), I can see why they'd be worried, but I agree that it's also not good for the fiancée to feel pressured to give up her interests.

Incidentally, I once had a recently married friend who had to kiss a man in a play, and her husband expressed some discomfort with it. Finally, she offered to give him a stage kiss so that he would understand the difference. His response: "That was like kissing a fish." And he never said another word about it.

John Bytheway has a rather funny monologue about stage kisses - "that doesn't count. You haven't had your first kiss yet. It's like,... a favor!"

It's probably his first fiance, so I give him the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn't be the least bit upset if my wife was simply jealous enough to ask the 100 hour board about a situation like this. It would be a different matter entirely if she demanded that I quit and refused to listen to my side of the issue.

First fiancés are just trial runs. I would know better than anyone, perhaps.