Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

Link.

Those were good answers, but I just want to add that having a desire to believe is not the same thing as believing, and at least for me desiring to believe was all I had for some time and it was not enough. I wanted the church I grew up with and honestly loved to be true and I wanted it to make sense and I wanted it to all fit together and work for me and my life, but in fact that is not how things went. It is a great sentiment to say one should try to believe and want to or else they won't, but by the same token wanting to believe does not necessarily lead to belief. The other thing I wanted to say was that I'm a little sad the first writer felt (s)he needed to be anonymous. There should be no shame (although obviously there can be and often is) in struggles with faith and trying to learn about one's faith. I was embarrassed every time I wrote about my disbelief, but putting my name to it was cathartic and friends would occasionally email me and be friend-like because they saw I was struggling. Obviously that is a personal choice, and maybe anonymous readers don't care if anonymous writers add that extra layer of anonymity, but yeah.

Oh, and the other other thing I wanted to say is that this soon-to-be-missionary will hopefully be able to better understand members and investigators who are having a hard time deciding whether or not the church is true (or true for them).

[ETA: Sorry this was kind of just a rant without anything to really contribute. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, promise. ]

I don't think that was a rant, I think that was very well-said.

...almost just signed that with my real name. Brain is so melted right now...

Oh mic0 I just love you. And I agree 100%. 100%. Except the part where you said you didn't have much to contribute.

One further comment: I hope hope hope that the asker's perception that this might ruin the relationship between his/her sibling and his/her parents was just the result of maturity level and where she/he is in life. But man, if not, asker's sibling, email the crap out of me. This whole question just made me really anxious.

TheBlackSheep wrote: One further comment: I hope hope hope that the asker's perception that this might ruin the relationship between his/her sibling and his/her parents was just the result of maturity level and where she/he is in life.

I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this now, but I worried about the same thing when my little brother left the Church about 10 years ago. We grew up in a family where most weren't Mormon, and were at best confused and at worst openly critical of my choices and lifestyle. I also felt like my siblings and I had a sort of connection because of our values and choices. And when my brother chose not to be part of the Church anymore I was afraid that connection was lost. Or that he would be as critical of my choices as other people in our family. I was scared of what choices he might make. Would he do drugs? Or become involved with bad people? (I know, that's ridiculous. But I didn't know what values were actually my brother's and which ones were just things he did because he was active. I was afraid I didn't know my brother anymore and that scared me. And made me really sad.) I wanted him to have the blessings of the gospel, and the safety of making good choices.

But! 10 years have gone by and my brother is basically the same person he always has been. He's funny and smart and he cares about our family. He just doesn't go to Church or believe in God. And that's ok. He's not critical of my making choices he doesn't believe in, and tries to be supportive. And I try to do that for him. There have been lots of times where I've messed up and been disrespectful of his choices, but I'm working on it.

Anyway, if I could say anything to the question-asker, it'd be that a sibling leaving the Church doesn't have to hurt the relationship. And that a lot can be done on his/her part by trying to be involved in the sibling's life, and trying very hard not to be judgmental.

thatonemom wrote:Anyway, if I could say anything to the question-asker, it'd be that a sibling leaving the Church doesn't have to hurt the relationship. And that a lot can be done on his/her part by trying to be involved in the sibling's life, and trying very hard not to be judgmental.

This is the key takeaway. This is absolutely true. My best friend whom I've referred to on many occasions in Board answers is as much a brother to me as anyone, and realizing that him being happy was way more important than him being faithful in terms of our friendship being strong was a really important realization. I have a lot of opinions about leaving the Church (which I think is a dramatic way to put it, for one) and things, but I don't think any of it is nearly as relevant as discovering for yourself that the degree of a person's faithfulness is not directly correlated with how much you love them or how close you are to them. There's actually very little correlation at all.

I believe this YouTube video is relevant. Seriously, watch it. The attitudes of both husband and wife are very admirable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxIxVz8Aqho

Craig Jessop wrote:I believe this YouTube video is relevant. Seriously, watch it. The attitudes of both husband and wife are very admirable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxIxVz8Aqho

Ooh Craig- I loved that! They really respect each other. That was cool.

Craig Jessop wrote:I believe this YouTube video is relevant. Seriously, watch it. The attitudes of both husband and wife are very admirable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxIxVz8Aqho

This video gives me hope for our pretend future together

This posted during Lent. I just wanted to give a shoutout to thatonemom because my childhood's best friend became a druggie with no direction in life. This saddens me. He also happened to leave the church. Correlation does not imply causation, though. The friend is an active member with plenty of doubts of his own (I think that he will end up marrying his Jack Mormon Russian girlfriend and leave), but he goes to BYU and is very very far from doing drugs (or even having sex, in fact, though he's less far from that, but that's OK, in my opinion).

Yay anecdotal stories with no point!

Portia wrote:(I think that he will end up marrying his Jack Mormon Russian girlfriend and leave)

You can be a Jack Mormon Russian?

Katya wrote:

Portia wrote:(I think that he will end up marrying his Jack Mormon Russian girlfriend and leave)

You can be a Jack Mormon Russian?

She is!

I am very well acquainted with many Russian Jack Mormons.

Dead Cat wrote:I am very well acquainted with many Russian Jack Mormons.

Ha!